Arrrrgh, I m getting SO frustrated I could just pull my own hair out!!!
When I first moved in a year ago SD9 (she was 8 at the time) was a quiet and wonderful behaved little girl. She went and stayed the summer with her BM and came back the demon child. She was caught in the act of LYING to her gma by my BD11 over the weekend. We had already pretty much come to the conclusion that she was going over to her gma's house and pouting and crying about how unfair we all are to her (although we aren't, in fact it is she and her gma that are unfair to my Bkids). SD9's gma treats her like she is this perfect little princess and she spoils her rotten, buys her all kinds of things but then they BOTH treat my BKids like they are nothing in this family. SD9 admitted to both her dad and her gma that she has been going over and LYING about things so that her gma will baby her and buy her things. Now today she was almost a half hour late getting home from school although she KNOWS that first of all she's supposed to come STRAIGHT home after school and second of all she's grounded to her room right now for the lying to her gma thing. She comes in and I asked her where she's been. She said she played at the bus stop with a friend while they waited for her friend's mom who never showed up to get her. Her friend lives on the first floor of our apartment building. So I explained to her why it wasn't okay for her to do that and reminded her that we've had the talk about coming straight home after school because this is a reoccurring problem. She gets this nasty look on her face and starts ignoring me even when I'm asking her questions. She starts looking at the ceiling and playing with a pencil. So I tell her fine, she can ignore me but then I think she should lose her weekend with her gma this weekend. She says to me that if her daddy will still let her go she will get to go. I asked her why she would say that and she states to me that her daddy has choices and that he can make his own choice. I left her room. I'm not going to argue with a 9 year old. I called her dad at work. I told him what's been going on. He said we'll take care of it together and that we are somehow going to get her to see that he and I are a team. That we make decisions together and that it includes her bad behavior. This child amazes me. She gives me the most evil looks on the planet but when her dad or gma are around she makes her eyes all big and round and innocent, she pouts her lips and cries crocodile tears and yet she looks straight out of a scary movie when it's just she and I. I admit I have never dealt with anything like this before and neither has DH so we are at a total loss... she's ALREADY grounded to her room right now for acting out. What are we supposed to do when she's already being punished but she just keeps acting out?
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Your SD must be taking
Your SD must be taking lessons from my SD10 almost 11...I am the evil demon in this house! I am the evil demon even when she isnt here...which isnt very often! I know I am suppose to be the adult here but to find out...something I knew she was doing....making me out to be the most evil wicked step mother in the world to her friends and her friends parents(should I say her friend of the week...she doesnt keep them long). Well my best advice...if that is what you are looking for is a chart on the wall..that you and dad make together with her there in front watching...and helping to make it....has made a world a difference in my home the last 2 wks...dont get me wrong it hasnt fixed it all but made a big difference..you write the rules...you make a consequence and STICK TO IT! If you give in one time or dont enforce something one time it will backfire...The grounding to the room doesnt work after a while...hell what kid wouldnt want to go to their room ...all their things are in there....but you take it away and all they have is a room with a bed....earn your stuff back!
So, it's not too mean to
So, it's not too mean to leave her in there with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling? Because I suggested to DH and gma that we SHOULD take everything away while she's in there and make her earn it back but they thought that was too mean and they let her have all kinds of puzzles, crayons, scissors, color books, books and just all kinds of activities she could do. She was even allowed to bring some stuff from gma's to do in there. She doesn't have a TV or anything in there. I haven't been allowing her to play her stereo though. And we just got a new kitten and I haven't been letting her play with her either. But she just opens her door and sits right on the edge of her bed so she might as well be out here anyway. She makes the excuse that she's scared of being in her bedroom alone and she makes the innocent pouty face and everybody falls at her feet.
I say she doesn;t get to go
I say she doesn;t get to go to gmas this weekend! That in itself will get her as she already made it clear she wants to go!
As long as he is with you on
As long as he is with you on it and doesnt let her go! Every child has something that means the most to them...with his child its all about play...play outside, in my room whatever...you find that one thing that gets them..that one thing that they know if they dont do right they dont get a privilege...then you have them!
Mean! Always remember this if
Mean! Always remember this if you dont anything else.....kids who lie because adult liars and manipulaters(sp?) She is doing exactly what she wants you all to do....giving into her...believe it...this child here would come out her room 500 times in a night to potty or get something to drink....nope...you dont use the bathroom that many times any other time..your not doing it as an excuse...my thing is this...gma doesnt deal with her every day..she doesnt live with gma...she lives with you...and you need to put a stop to all that is happening..if dad is on the same page as you then it shouldnt be hard!
Ummm..you know me and are
Ummm..you know me and are talking about my sd9, right? Ive been there with givin a crap, all it did was made me look like the bad guy, disengage, dont give a darn what she does. When she strikes at you personally, you let DH know. If he won't do anything about it, You grab her firmly and talk real low, and give her the mom eye, and let her know what her consequence is and you dare she do it again. If she doesn't come straight home, oh well. Tell DH if you feel like it, i wouldn't, cuz she was already told. Let her go to gma's after school and let her parent her and see how she likes it. We took everything out of sd9's room cuz she was doing such nasty things and she didn't care. I also have never met a more disturbed child and until disengaging with her, I was letting her get the best of me. Focus on your bd, don't let sd diverse you away from your bd.
MEAN? Really I would say them
MEAN? Really I would say them that means I'm doing my job!
Point taken. Thank you. We
Point taken. Thank you.
We NEED to enforce, not half @$$ it.
That is what I said....if me
That is what I said....if me teaching you self respect...respect of others and their property then I am MEAN!
You & your DH is not at a
You & your DH is not at a lost as you may feel or think you are. You as a SM is in a very good place b/c you have a DH whom is willing to take the 'United-Front' with you in regards to his BD. I'm loving him for that. I'm former law enforcement for over 18-years & I worked within the housing units of the adult-male community.Supervising inmates (sad to say) is similar to parenting & supervising children. Unfortunately, when a man is incarcerated for some reason (the majority) will regress to behaving like a child (which makes supervising these men similar to parenting children). At any rate, during my tenure in this career field (and thank God I'm retired) I learned & became very creative in progressive discipline. You & your DH will find yourselves becoming very creative in your disciplinary actions you take upon your unruly Bkids as well as his BD & your SD. I'm just so happy that your DH is strongly [equally-yolked] with you in combatting these newly issues that has surfaced with his daughter.
P.S. I'm sorry that I cannot give you any creative ideas in how to progress in your disciplinary efforts, but I trust as the two of you gain more experience with this (as I did as a LEO) you'll both develop new ideas. Good luck & many well wishes to you & your family.
She is indeed grounded from
She is indeed grounded from her gma's for the weekend AND we have taken everything out of her room and she has to earn it all back over the weekend. We explained to her that it's not okay to treat ANY adult as disrespectful as she was to me tonight and we also (once AGAIN) explained to her why it is so important that I know where she's at and who she's with AT ALL TIMES. Honestly at first when I took everything out of her room and I shut her door she started crying and throwing a fit. She started knocking on her wall and her door until I calmly went and opened her door and I told her that if she wanted to throw a fit like that then she could but that it wasn't going to earn her anything back. She said that she was upset because she can't go to grandma's this weekend and she told me that she would rather have a spanking than not get to go to grandma's. I told her that I was sorry but that it's non-negotiable. I told her that she's not going to grandma's this weekend and that if she wanted to continue throwing a fit that she could but the longer she misbehaves the longer it will take for her to earn anything back. I shut her door and left to her fit throwing and she fell asleep. I have to admit that I'm worried about what tomorrow will bring....