Pre Nuptial Agreements
This has come up in random family conversations. DH and I have one. I had more assets entering our marraige than he, but it wasn't really that. We did one because me ExH tried to bleed me dry. I got to keep most of what I had, but after lawyers fees it is certainly less. My question is this: In a second marriage situation or any marriage for that matter, what are your feelings on Prenup's?
(**If this has been posted before, sorry!**)
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*growling at the word
*growling at the word pre-nup* j/k...we didn't do a pre-nup but we just did a post marital agreement. it has to be updated every 5 years to account for growing assets. It basically safeguards his assets from before we got married and protects my marital assets showing "these specific things were purchased with marital monies so therefore are 50/50" It makes the control/money thing WAY easier. I like that it expires every 5 years and must be updated to match our growing estate...that way neither of us get cheated. He doesn't get screwed with paying me alimony and I don't get screwed with losing my other assets built over the course of marriage.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
This is my 1st marriage,
This is my 1st marriage, DH's second. We do not have a prenup, but I wish I did. I went to college on my own dime, got a great job, then bought a car and a house. I wanted to be independent before getting married. After 8 years together we finally got married. But now I'm in a situation where I'm the breadwinner for my family while DH gets to play stay at home daddy. If we divorced today, I would have to pay alimony and child support as well as give him 1/2 of my 401k and pension. It seems unfair that I have worked so hard to advance my career while he's done nothing to improve his employment situation.
wow...you need to see if a
wow...you need to see if a post-marital agreement is possible in your state. sounds like you need it honey to keep your assets safe.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
I know how you feel. I
I know how you feel. I recevied an inheritance just before I married my exh, 8 years later he tried to take it. I never thought of it until he tried. Thankfully he got squat!
I agree. It only put my mind
I agree. It only put my mind at ease that "people change in the wake of divorce". It isnt that I think anything will happen with me and DH it is that I am going to make sure that if he all of the sudden decides to become a bonehead, he cant take anything that isnt rightfully his. Our home now will be split 50/50 besides my original downpayments, but I own other homes and assets prior and I do not want to even question anything. Is this a sign of this times or a sign I have become cynical??? lol.
We have a very detailed one.
We have a very detailed one. Specifying evrything. Since we both had homes of our own and assets, we had to. I actually didn't want it, but now with all the problems blending and a significant possibility that this wont work, I am glad we did it. I even have in there that no grandchildren can live with us. He had significant retirement funds, and I have family that will ultimately lead to significant inheritances. We had to protect it. Other thing I would recommend is not blending money. We have a joint acct and put money in it equally and split the expenses on the family credit card. Makes life so much easier.
We do not have a prenup
We do not have a prenup either, most of what we had materialistically speaking was mine. I do stand to inherit a large sum and my mothers whole estate when she passes away. Hopefully that will be many many years from now though and she has left strick instructions that a portion of the money goes to help finance my bc's college. There is no way bm could ever get ahold of that money is there? I know currently in our state my income(which is considerably more than dh at this time)does not factor in, and I am hoping to stay that way. DH is way too passive to try and take me for everything if we were to separate, but bm on the other hand she is all about sticking it to dh and anyone else she can.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
well i feel like a pre nup,
well i feel like a pre nup, its like you are goign into the marriage already thinking the worst or you will have people just stay until they reach the terms then leave...dont get me wrong if you have a rich 80 year old man marrying a 23 year old then it will make you question the marriage but with all things even i would think that its setting your self up for failure...or it could show that you really love each other that you are not willing to focus on material things....
That's why we did a post
That's why we did a post marital contract. we wanted to show trust for each other but we didn't want to be completely naive about the ways of 2nd marriages and life. It protects us both. Prenups are hard but the post-nup was a breeze and there were no feelings of mistrust or hurt feelings.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
I understand the feeling of
I understand the feeling of thinking that it may be doom, but for me in reality it was DH's way to prove to me and my family that he loved me without regards to what I could offer his kids and himself. Me ExH was so greedy. At the time we had barely turned 21 and he was still living with Mama, he then expected during divorce to "maintain" his lifestyle that my inheritance allowed. The kids yes. A scoundrel of a ex...No way! He wanted to be a dirtbag, the marraige will end!
Marriage is about love,
Marriage is about love, divorce is about money. GET A PRENUP, especially 2nd marriages.
LMFAO
LMFAO
I feel like a prenup is
I feel like a prenup is almost essential to a second marriage, because a) they are so much harder than 1st marriages; and b) it's not just you and your spouse in the equation -- it's also the ex(es) and the children. Much more complicated, much more likelihood that someone will try to screw someone else over.
That said, I'm a huge hypocrite. DH and I don't have a prenup. And we should have, since I have way more money than he does (I don't have kids from my first marriage and his ex bled him dry). I think that with any other guy, I would have gotten one. But my DH is such a gentle, passive guy about stuff like this that I know for a fact if I left him (which is the only way we'd get divorced) he would just let me take whatever is mine without a fight.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
Aww that so sweet. My DH is
Aww that so sweet. My DH is really passive so I do not think he will "screw me" over, just that burnt once feeling, KWIM??
Yes, I TOTALLY know. And I
Yes, I TOTALLY know. And I would always counsel someone to get a prenup the second time around, particularly for that reason -- the burnt once feeling could ad just a grain or two of stress on the couple, and there's enough strain on these relationships already, you know?
I say, get one. Because after all, we ALL feel like our spouse would never hurt us. I felt that way about my ex, in the beginning. And we've all been wrong about that, at least once before.
So spaketh the hypocrite!
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
There is still time for a
There is still time for a POST-NUP, include a FIDELITY component that also has a "coveting" clause.
If you have more money than the man, you MUST have a prenup/postnup. I hate to sound like Spock, but it is essential.
YOU need to take care of yourselves I don't care HOW SWEET HE IS.