I agree with you, that is really weird and creepy. How often does he see them? You can tell him that the reason you get irritated is not due to jealousy, but due to human instinct. You are watching a grown man rub all over pre pubescent children constantly and that sends off red flags in your brain and you can't help that! You can mention to him that his daughter is most likely already beginning puberty and at this point his physical affection could be harming her more than helping her, especially if someone else were to see it or hear about it and think it was weird. You said that other people think his kids are clingy, and you said that he is also clingy. Kinda weird. It's one of those things where if he gets too defensive about it it's weird. It's not hard to understand that adult men should be mindful of there physical interaction with children, even his own, ESPECIALLY if he only sees them a few times a month. I dont know, makes perfect sense to me!

I never had to go through that with my husband and his daughter, thank fing god.

Google "Inappropriate relationships between father/daughter" and print out anything that shows that he's hindering their growth and independence.

Sounds to me like you're fighting a losing battle though since dad seems enmeshed and entertwined in his kids. It would be one thing if you were dealing with just a jealous SD and her dad and dad was understanding enough to see that he's carrying on inappropriately. I dealt with that and ugh, my SD was horribly attached to her father.

I took some photos of the two of them, holding hands, her on his lap, touching his face, spooning on the floor, her lovingly looking up at him, etc. When he saw the photos, he was grossed out and didn't realize it looked so "pervy" to the outside world. SD was treating DH like a boyfriend. It immediately stopped and he established clear boundaries with her.

To me, your DH is loving the physical affection and attention and begging the kids for it. HE needs some professional guidance to break that unhealthy tie as well. These kids are not little anymore. They're almost teenagers and need to gain some independence and maturity. Dear ol dad is totally preventing them from growing up! Could be his fear of them leaving him or whatever, but either way, it's NOT healthy to anyone. DH should be getting that physical affection need met by you, his wife, and his kids need to learn appropriate boundaries between them and their parents.

Good luck.

Im dealing with the same weird behaviours!!!!! Read my blogs- youll see we probably mirror each other!! Im not the only one who gets creeped out by it- all of DHs family gets beyond irritated with it!! In our situation its mostly SS11- but BM is emotionally stunted SS9 & now that DH cannot see that we are supposed to help them grow & mature, not coddle them- now darnit SS9 is following SS11s weird behaviours. Its a Huge problem of physical boundaries!!!! I have been reading articles for almost a year now trying to understand "why" it gets under my skin so much & this is what Ive read in books, articles & parenting sites. As Moms we have a very real & natural desire thats innate in us. Our jobs as parents are to TEACH our children right from wrong, and our kids Mimmick our Fammiliar behaviours!!!! By having rediculously passive DHs who frankly, get their damn Egos stroked by this un-natural behaviours-- our DHs have totally lost sight of whats extremely important to teach their sons!!!!! They are doing Harm by not only encouraging these behaviours but they are gonna cause Huge problems down the road for their kids!!!!!! Again, WE are supposed to teach our kids, naturally, what right & wrong touch is. How to act & how to behave!!! Our DHs that do this are emmotionally stunting their own kids!!!!!!

I started taking pics & videos of the bizzare behaviour a year ago!!!! A picture really IS worth a thousand words!!!! I encourage everyone to do this!!! Then when alone, without the kids there, show the pics to DH!!!!! Ask Him if he were in a restarsunt & saw this behaviour with another Father with his kid--- umm--- doesnt it look disgusting? And perverse?? Hes lying if he says its "normal". We are supposed to teach our kids, at the BEGINNING of Adolescence to start to move into the direction of them developing their Own person. This means less physical touch!!! & frankly its also SUPER normal for kids who are taught right-- to start to NOT want such physical touch from BOTH their parents!!!!

If all else fails-- use Natural Consequences to your advantage-- post the strange behaviour on the FB pages!!!!! Ha!!!! Write a sickeningly sweet message like "Awww junior still likes to cuddles wiff daddyy dearest allllll weekend long". Bwahaha!!! They willl be begging you to take it off cause their friends will call out the bizzare behaviour & call them babies & crap!!! If it were normal-- then theyd hv no prob with you putting it on there, right?!?

Its a GAME to these kids. Trust me, they KNOW its NOT normal. Our DHs need to knock their shit off & realize something!!! What do they WANT for their kids?? To loose relationships when they are older- cause umm... No woman thinks its cutesy to watch this sick behaviour!!!!

I wanted to add: when I say that its a TOTAL game to these kids, I absolutely mean that!!!! For instance, do the kids Literally run to your DH when they See you & your DH showing Normal Affection between a Husband & Wife?? Mine Sure Do!!! Do they glare at You WHILE they are getting their Un-Natural over- abundance of physical affection from your DH?? Mine Do!! & Ive got TONS of pictures to show their down right Hate Filled Stares towards Me!!!!!!! If they thought this was normal behaviour--- then why so "in your face" about it?? Do they do this Overly- Physical crap with their BMs or any other Family Member??? Mine sure as Hell Dont!!!! Do they physically & intentionally keep your DH & your kids AWAY from you & them? Are the Blatently Aware of this & use it as a Game & DH as a Pawn?? Yep!! Mine DO & theyll even TELL me they want us Divirced & want their Mom & Dad Together ??? Mine DO!! Do they use your DH as a damn human Jungle Gym?? Mine do!!!

Do the go so far as to SIT outside the damn Bathroom while DH takes a Shit??? Yep!!! Mine Does!! Do they INVADE your bedroom & anything personal to YOU? Yeppers!!! Mine DO!! Do they Freak the crap out if DH leaves the damn room for 5 minutes??? "Wheres Dad? Whereyd He go? I want my Daaaaaddddddyyyyy" even tho they are OVER toddler- hood? Yep!!! MineDO!!! Do they CONSTANTLY bring up BM Directly to YOU?? Yep!!! Mine DO!!! "My Mom makes her chicken XYZ way-- YOURE wrong!! Im telling My Mommy on You!!!"

& lastly--- what if ANYTHING is your DH doing about it?? Mine seems to get this self- righteous overly inflated Ego trip by all this Pathetic behaviour!!!!!!! Damn. Do they REALLY want their kids Beat Up by their peers???Do they NOT care that they are SETTING their kids UP to have FAILED marriages?? Theres NOTHING cute or sexy about an OVERLY-CLINGY grown Man!!!!! Does he & BM think your somehow "jealous" of these kids?? I sure as hell am NOT!!! See what our DHs DONT get is that EVERY time they DO & ALLOW these SICK Behaviours---- well, sure DOESNT make me want to be physical or have sex with my DH!!!! It makes MY DH look Weak & Perverse!!!! It makes me think " he doesnt CARE about his kids really-- their real futures-- their very scewed semse of HORRIBLE betrayal of NOT respecting ME, Our Family & Mostly---- RESPECTING THEIR OWN KIDS DEVELOPMENT!!!!

Sorry if Im being really strong & blunt here---- just dealt with a weekend with the skids--- where SS had to literally touch DH at ALL TIMES & now youngest SS is MIMiking SS11s VERY disgusting &. Gross behaviours!!!! I WONT even have my DD8 here on the same weekends now--- cause I REFUSE to allow her to see this shit anymore & Ill be DAMNED if Id allow her to Act like this!!! Ewwww. Hell No!!!! My Daughter & I ate VERY close & have a great relationship. Yet we DONT cross boundary lines & she doesnt hang on me or sit in my f'ing lap like a damn toddler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are NORMAL!!!! & I CARE ENOUGH to make sure she understands boundaries & Id be damned if Id allow my ego to get stroked in a wrong way-- AT HER DEVELOPMENTAL EXPENSE!!!!

Augh!!! 3 loooong years of this crap!!! See WHY I disengaged????? Lol

Isnt it?? I swear, until I came here, I thought I was the only one living with such stuff!!!! But sadly, Im not! Id LOVE to hear from anyone who has a psychological idea of 'why' this is. Id Love more insight. Ya know?

Why is it up to you to decide what is appropriate and healthy?
Do you think your DH is molesting his children?
If not, and you say you're not jealous, then why is it your business?
The man is affectionate with his children. That beats the hell out of the alternatives.

Sheesh... I think some SMs just look for something to be upset about.

IMHO, i think this type of behavior actually creates attachment issues and problems w/ independence. total doting on one child does not help set basic boundaries and learn basic self-care skills as they age- they actually seem to regress. to me, that's not healthy.

like SMto3's situation, on a regular basis i witness the results- sitting outside the bathroom while DH is trying to piss, DH can't leave the room without jumping up and following or saying "daaaddeeeee? dadddyyy wait!", cant let DH complete a single sentence with anyone else in the family without interruption, wont let the dog be petted by anyone else w/o trying to call him away, wont go upstairs alone, won't pee alone w/o trying to be involved with conversation happening outside the bathroom, i could go on - this is at NINE. same one that MIL tries to feed by mouth like a bird.

i tried the picture thing, and all i got was a sweet look, and "awwww" out of DH. *facepalm*

I totally agree! SS11 has regressed horribly!! I swear that kid was more mature 3 yrs ago then he is now!!! Its awful. Teachers, school counselors, my Inlaws, everyone has noticed what is going on! Its not just us SMs who have & take issue with all this!! Im going to the library this weekend. Our counselor assigned DH & I a job of looking at & reading books made for kids about this exact topic! The book list she jotted down for us is books on teaching kids proper & improper personal space boundaries. Ill let you gals know which ones we liked. Then we are to purchase a book or two for SSs to read with us aloud. Its a great idea really.

My DH is very very aware of the damage thats been done & truly wishes he had stopped it all a ling time ago!! Thru counseling & my MIL telling DH that whats going on, infront of them with SS11 & DH being waaay too passive- DH came to realize the big problem.

My DH does come here to read & learn as well. He read every ounce of this blog & whole heartedly agrees 100% of what I said is true. Both in my blogs & on this blog here. He feels horrible for it. But Im glad to say, he is committed to changing it!! Yay!!

The whole pictures & videos I suggest is because of the following & why. When DH & I started counseling- our therapist suugested I take the pictures of this whole thing for several reasons. Firstly, to show DH just how bizzare this behaviour looks!! DH was uber uber critical of me & very defensive when Id bring it up. He didnt see the hateful nasty stares that SS would glare at me with when he "claimed" his Dad! DH also would try to downgrade to the therapist how things really were. So it was for my counselors urging that Id just pretend to be playing on my phone, and were to just click a few pics out. It worked!!! That next therapy session the counselor, DH & I reviewed them together. DH knew she had asked me to do this & he had no problems with it.

What DH saw shocked him. For one, SS11 is taller then me & hes super skinny & lanky. Now try to picture this 5'4" kid in DHs lap sitting sideways while DH held him like a baby!!! It was soooo unnatural looking!!! SSs arms & legs sprawled all over the place in unnatural ways!! The kids darn legs-- touched the floor even in this baby like way!!! Weird weird indeed.

The other reason was to show to SSs counselor so that his counselor had a bigger picture of exactly how far SS takes things & for DH to be able to hear from SSs therapist how DH not setting proper boundaries causes SS issues!! Again-- DH heard that crystal clear!!

So its Not at all like my DH had no idea I was doing this. He was aware before I did it. However, had DH not been on board with wanting to change things-- I still would use this as a great tool !! Theres TONS of articles on parenting sites that explain these curcumstances that some of us have dealt with or currently are & how UN- healthy it is!!! Tons!!! So obviously its Not "us Stepmoms" who take a skewed view on this!!

What we are talking about here is when over- coddling does Real Damage not only to the kids but also to the whole family unit!!!

I hope this gets better for all of us!! Hang in there!! Try to get your DH to open his eyes if you can. Its hard to deal with. Hugs!!