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tough times

Mich811's picture

Submitted by Mich811 on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 10:17am

I notice that when the usually peaceful relationship that I have with DH is going through speed bumps, DH withdraws and focuses entirely on his children...leaving me feeling like more of an outsider in my home.

A tough dynamic, and history shows that only I can break the cycle by swallowing the loneliness and regrouping.

Being a stepmother is really rough sometimes. I love DH, I love my stepkids...but there are times when it is an overwhelming task to just get through the day.

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Mich811's picture

Submitted by Mich811 on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 1:19pm

there's no specific pattern, except that it ALWAYS comes after a fight -- a period when you'd normally withdraw a bit, I suppose. the problem is that a lot of our fights relate to issues in our home with the skids...and so after the fight, he latches on to them and i'm alone and an outsider. it's tough.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 10:51am

I can definitely relate. If DH and I get into an argument, immediately it is cuddle time with SS10 on the couch, or a motorcycle ride, ect. I hate that!!! It's like he's teaming up on me or something. I've called him out on it before because its immature and Im not having that crap. No wonder the child and I can't get along!!!

sweetness01's picture

Submitted by sweetness01 on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 11:35am

Heyy I have the same problem...whenever me and bf get in an argument when SD there (thats the only time we really argue!) he always says he's going out and obviously takes SD with him...thats making her take sides in an argument that she's not even a part of and as a result I end up feeling resentful towards SD because its as if he's chosen her over me.

What I have found is sometimes when I feel left out I make it worse for myself because I'll completely distance myself from the situation for abit and wait for bf to come to me. By doing this I am making myself feel even more left out, so instead I should try to engage in whatever activity they are doing.

You're right that being a step mum is soo difficult sometimes...would never have imagined myself being in this situation but I chose to be with him knowing he has a child so I've got to accept that!

Mich811's picture

Submitted by Mich811 on Fri, 05/14/2010 - 1:20pm

Yes, exactly -- he is really pulling the children on to "his" team, which makes more resentment in the house. Not good.