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My very, very crabby morning, or, BM called at 6:19 am

mama_althea's picture

Little bit of background:

I haven't logged in here in quite awhile. I love this site, but realized that reading/posting here just ramps up my indignation, so I've tapered off. I wanted to add to my blog for record's sake and maybe inspire others with exactly what I'm going to say to BM.

Also helps to note at this point that right before the school year started I changed our home phone number and did not give it to BM. She can call SO on his cell. Her incessant calling the home phone at any old time of day was too much. Since she is immune to rules of convention regarding appropriate telephone use I figured that would solve the problem. Last week the phone calls started again.

Also helps to note that I like...no, love...no, what's stronger than love...my sleep.

As I lay in bed this morning unable to fall back asleep after she called at 6:19, thirty one minutes before my alarm goes off and ninety minutes before my 10 hour work day starts, seething with rage, I planned my short and to the point conversation with her. I tried calling her right after it happened, but she didn't answer. She was probably sleeping!!

Me: This is 'my real name'. How could you possibly have thought it was appropriate to call at 6:19 and wake up an entire household of people, including your daughter, who need their sleep for work or school?

Her: some hemming and hawing about how she was justified to call.

Me: How did you get this phone number?

Her: I really don't know what she's going to say here

Me: You are unable to use acceptable boundaries as far as calling this phone late at night, early in the morning, or multiple times repeatedly, and that is why you were not given this number. Please continue to use 'name of wishy-washy bio-dad' cell phone. You are not to call this number again unless it is a 911 type emergency.

Her: sputtering some bile

Me (cutting her off): This is not open for discussion.

The End.

I know this sounds really basic and not a big deal...but we are working off 2 years of tip-toeing around her and not "rocking the boat". This will be huge to her and will probably result in some mode of retaliation. She likes to a) blow up the phone with her streams of bile b) storm over to our house and cause a scene or if she's not satisfied with options a or b commit c) an anonymous phone call to social services with some invented accusation, to which social services is required to follow up with an unannounced home visit, which while I don't have anything to hide, I just know it's going to be a day where a pet pukes/poops on the carpet and the dishes are in the sink and my laundry is piled up and a dustbunny tumbleweed rolls by and I don't know what else and I'm going to look like an unfit parent. I am not a good housekeeper. Last time the lady was super nice and told me not to worry...but the social services threat stresses me out hugely and is part of why I put up with what I do.

Oh, and side topic (since this is where I unload and keep track of this stuff)... Friday night after SD had to get off the bus at our house because no one was home at BM's house (because everyone she had over went to jail for one reason or another and she had to go to the station for questioning), she had the nerve to call SO and tell him she was going to call the sheriff to report him for "taking" their daughter when it was not his visitation. And then last night (Monday) older SS brought SD over to our house because at 8:30 (past her bedtime) their mom wasn't home yet, called him all f'ed up on pills (his words), and it didn't appear she'd be coming home. She called SO's cell later that night from some phone that is not hers and asked where the kids were. Hello, MOTY?!? Do you not see the contradiction here? Friday night SO "takes" her and Monday night he can just have her by default of you not showing up at home? She was still somewhere else when she called at 6 freaking 19 am today.

Comments

skylarksms's picture

I think you might need to write a lawyer-style letter to her, certified, delivery confirmation - WHATEVER YOU NEED. And look up harassing laws in your state. As long as she has a way to contact the bio-dad, she has absolutely NO reason to be able to call your home phone. If you tell her NOT to contact that number and she continues to do so, you can nail her ass in court. Maybe even get a RO against her.

Ex4life's picture

Oh so agree with this. Depending on how crazy your DH's ex is the letter from the lawyer may do the trick. Otherwise, look into getting a RO. Each and every time she brings her crazy to your doorstep call the cops, file a report, get the report case number. When you have 2-3 of them drag her bottom to court. When she sees that you are serious she will stop. Unfortunately, the crazier they are the longer it takes to beat them back into their cages.

Kilgore SMom's picture

If all that is going on at BM home. I would say DH needs to get a lawyer. It doesn't sound like BM needs custody of the Skids. It really sounds like Bm may be on drugs. Maybe she (BM) needs someone to call CPS on her. With all the drinking , pills, and people going to jail. Not includeing all hours of the day and night phone calls. If thats not something that ya'll can do right now just keep writing everything down, dates, times, etc. These types of BM think they are perfect. Everyone else gets blamed for everything that goes wrong. They are POS.

mama_althea's picture

I'm sure this blog entry is buried many, many pages in...but here's the update.

I never got to have the conversation because she wasn't home for the next several days and then was put in jail herself, which of course saved SO from being the one to put the steps in motion. So we get the benefits and she can't come back all crazy on us for making the call. Monday morning SO will make all the necessary contacts with the county to get his kids.

It's not that he hasn't always felt they'd be better off with him, but despite her craziness the drugs and other related bs gradually ramped up to this point. Before he couldn't afford a lawyer. Now it looks like she took care of it for him.