What was I even worried about?!!!

She sat in the front row at church we were 6 rows back...she turned around once but whipped her head back around as fast as she could when she saw us.....and never turned around again!

At the house...(this is the part that I was worried about)...we got there first. I went upstairs to the bathroom and the stairs come down into the dining room...that's where the 'really good food' was..so that's where I stayed...and apparently she can came in and stayed in the living room...4 feet away but divided by a wall...and had her food 'brought to her' by oldest SD.

At the last Christening 2 years ago.....I kindof 'took my power back'..I think I posted on the x & family function thread...and I stopped feeling so 'out of place' and started feeling (or faking) more confident around her. There's no question...she is the one visably uncomfortable...and my confidence is growing.

I looked like 'the bomb' by the way...And very.......classy. I felt great in the clothes I picked out..... (things have been shrinking in my closet lately....so I was feeling a little yucky over that)......they fit perfectly. The last time she saw me I had short, short hair...I looked kindof boyish..in a way....but I grew it out since then....and it's long and styled with layers and full of blond highlights...and I had a perfect hair day...which I hadn't had for a while... I was leaning to heavily on the pony-tail/bun thing lately.

All of these things fell into place and helped give me confidence..as far as looking good and feeling good....and I know she has put on a huge amount of weight and is not looking good or probably feeling good about herself. She has been such a nasty catty bitch to me & hubby over the years...she is VERY much into 'the right image'...I am a small town, down to earth girl...so I find all this even more ironic...that stuff like this has knocked her down a peg or two..

Also, last summer...she had sent her "Thinking of you often..especially today..(thier anniversity)...wish we could be 'freinds'....." email to hubby.

Who responded with ..."Don't ever contact me again....I am the happiest I have been in MY WHOLE LIFE.. I CAN'T STAND YOU. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME."

So in case she didn't know he really felt about her....at the last Christening...she does now!! Any delusions she may have had in the past about them 'reuniting'...are gone..so maybe that helped back her off as well.

Anyway.....I was prepared for the worst, she's mellowing. It's getting easier, I've walked away with a little more confidence. My next big worry is the rehersal supper...where apparently we have to all sit and 'break bread' together...in one room...with knives on the table....

Thanks for all your well wishes....girls
*Hugs* ll

I forgot to mention how mini-her was...

She didn't speak to us at the church at all!

I do undestand she was 'busy'...they were sitting with X..
Oh and X had the 2 yr old for the whole thing also...so we didn't get to speak to him at the church at all either.
Youngest brought the baby down to where we were sitting before everything started so we could say hi....actually she came over to chat with us twice...so that was nice.
Back at the house...oldest SD was in the living room, hanging out with her mother for most of it...that's OK too...as was the 2 year old.

I think everyone except hubby & I were invited to spend New Years with oldest SD at her mother-in-laws.....I suspect X included...that's OK too...

Oh SD's mother-in-law had a big "Hi how are you!!" for me when we walked into the church.....so that was nice. (All could hear her warm welcome..that's nice..especially in SD's & X's presence)...so I'm sure she wouldv'e liked our company...if she had any say at all..we get along great!

Hubby has decided that he's had it with oldest SD as well...
In the big picture...he is considered a second class person in her world..he is always last on the list and just isn't very high on her list of priorities in life...

His words..."All the things she has done...it doesn't matter to me if she names the kids after everyone else but me..and it doesn't matter that everyone else on the planet knew she had a baby within an hour or two..but she couldn't tell me until 15 hours later...each thing is a little thing..but when you list all of the little things she does..its very clear where I sit with her..how unimportant I am in her life"

It was kind-of ironic to hear him say those things...because that's what I've been saying for the last 5 years regarding her 'digs' at me...'each one subtle enought to be 'explained away if need be'...yet very clearly sending me a message!! AND he defended her ..and told me for YEARS...that it was my imagination!!!! or I was over-reacting!! That..."add up the little things..you'll get the big picture".....comment was my line....regarding her treatment of me.

It's kind of a..... ureka....moment. He sees it now...because she's playing the game with him..he's on the recieving end...so it's opened his eyes!!!!

She knew for a whole year that her mother spent a weekend/night with some man she met on the internet in 97 and kept her mothers secret from her father.

Althought the mother rarely went to a ball game, Dad is the big fan..oldest would go watch youngests game with mommy-dearest when in town and Dad was told to 'stay home because mom is going to the game tonight' ..she's always treated him like a 2nd class citizen...

She's only nice to us and spent any kind of time in our home when she wanted my car to drive....other wise it's the 2 hour supper visit and they're done for the 10 to 14 day visit. She wan't even that nice in our home..she trough a tantrum, was rude to me & my children..who I left the house with..and of course ignorant to her father.

When her mother was at her worst...lying about everything in court..he slipped during one conversaton while discussing x with SD and said "she's being a bitch".... SD did not speak to him for 8 months!!!!! She has called her a bitch many, many times....youngest has referred to her mother as a "f*cking whore".....(to her face once actually..after mom stole $$$$$ from SD's bank account) much worse thing to say if you ask me....
But oldest did not 'punish' youngest for her comment.....she saves that treatment for her father..for 8 months for much less.

The grandkids are named after thier paternal grandfather...and SD's uncle and grandfather..mothers side of course!

Her behaviour over the last 5 years had been frosty to me...and over time that has also contributed to hubby's current feelings towards this daughter....it goes towards the 'Big Picture' of what oldest SD is all about..how much she is like her mother..and how she continues to treat this man like a peice of shit...as her mother did for many years.

I'm ranting on ...again. It just make my blood boil to see him treated like this. He's a good man. But this latest crap from her over the wedding shower and planning to boycot us over the holidays, etc.....he's had it with this kind of treatment. He doesn't plan on phoning her after this visit..she has not made any attempts to have a meaningful conversation with him dispite his request to discuss things. And as far as he's concerned the ball's in her court...he's not 'kissing her ass'...he barely sees his grandkids now...so what if she keeps them away. It only adds up to 2-4 hours a year he'll miss out on anyway.....no big deal! Not his blood-line....if being blood is what's important to her....they aren't...why should he be upset?

I hope she's happy! I think it's a sin! I really don't think she realizes he is not the push-over wimp she watched her mother bully & abuse for all those years...... He took his balls out of the purse when he left her and has had tried to be patient with this child...but he has reached the end.

PS
On the Chistmas presents...hubby wrote on all of them from Granddad & Nanny Lovin-life...oldest wouldn't utter the words nanny loving-life so when she read out who the gifts were from she just said my name....that's OK too

But small victory at the Christening.....
Again hubby worte on the card from Granddad & Nanny Lovin-life..
Her husband read it out "loud & clear"....he doesn't have an issue with it.

Hubby won't stop signing things that way...'touche'
and at this stage he really doesn't give a shit if it pisses SD off or not! so yeah for him!! For both of the guys!!

That's it exactly, Janice.
It's easier to swallow when you see it yourself
AND the same goes for me.....
He was trying to tell me..all along....step-back, don't get upset by her actions, she's like her mother, etc...don't feel the way you do, etc...
But until the light-buld went on ....I didn't get it. Her behavior just upset me.
I think I just needed to accumulate a few years of interacting with her myself to learn that... I mean he already had the benefit of that first hand knowledge from his years of interacting with her.....I was lacking that experience. For the life of me I couldn't understand why she said & did the things she did....

I get it now!!