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Child Support is Evil, Unfair, and Ridiculous

LauraHelton331's picture

Speaking of child support, I'm absolutely baffled as to why BM is always so strapped for cash that my SS8 comes over and is excited for Pop Tarts b/c "Momma can't afford to buy groceries." And when DH and BM are each going to pay for half of SS's yearbook, SS immediately goes and gets cash out of his piggy bank to cover BM's half. Vomit. That's what happens when the stupid biotch says stuff to a kid that she shouldn't.

She has her income- she works 6 days a week and is paid cash "under the table." Then she gets about $500 a month from us. And then she lives with her boyfriend who has a steady income. I've done the math, and their income HAS to be more than mine and DH's. Like a lot more.

And DH and I have a son who is 8 months old. I look at our income, then imagine NOT losing the $500 a month to her, and then imagine someone actually GIVING me an extra $500 a month. Life would be SWEEEET. Good grief I hate that bitch. Die. Smile

Comments

CACowgrl's picture

If they would make it fair for both sides, then I could see the point. But BF paid BM $500 a month when she had custody, now she only has to pay him $80! And she can't even pay that!! She is probably making as much as BF, so why does she not have to pay the same amount he was paying? The whole thing is unfair and the men (and their significant others) usually get short end of the stick! I hate my BM too today if you couldn't tell!!

LauraHelton331's picture

Holy crap that is sickening!!!!!!!!!!!

Fake it til you make it! Smile

Sita Tara's picture

They had "fifty-fifty" which meant we had her 60 plus percent of the time (Fri-Mon and she had her M, T, W after school til school.) BM got 500 bucks a month CS. She also never paid her part of the medical expenses, and tried to get DH to pay her daycare over the summer by choosing child care facilities with the term "camp" in their name, because per the original agreement he paid for "camps and overnight trips that both parties agreed upon ahead of time." That last part of that sentence was our best friend and the only really good advice my H's atty gave him.

BM paid SD's Catholic School tuition (which was about 150 a month) and was supposed to pay all field trip/school supplies/fees/uniforms/lunches and after care. She only paid the tuition, and we ended up doing the rest because she would only get SD used uniforms that didn't fit or were threadbare out of the free bin at the school, and stopped paying for lunches and field trips after DH wouldn't pay for "camp" (summer daycare)which we didn't use.

Now we have FC. BM pays 365 a month, is supposed to have SD EOweekend and Wed nights (switched to Th, but won't make it up if it's on a holiday or something and dropped out of any weekends EVEN holidays.)

BM pays no school fees, no set clothing fees, is supposed to but doesn't think she has to pay any medical fees (keeps complaining SD's not in braces yet, but SD does need them eventually, due to 2 upper adult eye teeth having grown in over baby teeth, but BM refuses to discuss her portion- SD and BM continue to blame us for the lack of braces.)

ETC ETC ETC.

You're right it is not nor will it ever be fair.

I think the whole system needs an overhaul. I would love to see an escrow acct of some sort for medical and necessary expenses, and the rest dropped, especially in 50/50/shared situations.

And I'm a BM who gets very little CS. I would give it up in a heartbeat if the system found a better way to handle it.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

bellacita's picture

honestly. the most ridiculous thing ever, w the way it is done. maybe if they didnt financially RAPE the NCPs and leave the "new" families so strapped for cash. my DH couldnt afford the mortgage for him and his son w/o me but no one cares about that. the way they dont hold the CPs accountabel for where the money goes, nor hold them to a certain income standard...the way alot of BMs use the money on themselves and let the skids whine and cry and beg daddy for more money...the way that OUR kids have to suffer for it all...disgusting.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

secondwife20's picture

My BM is the exact same way!

She gets $750 a month from CS... and she is constantly asking for money. Like, on a daily basis. 95% of the time, DH coughs up the cash cause if he doesn't, BM will most likely hold SD8 hostage. She shouldn't NEED money on the side all the time because she makes a lot of money (she works in a law firm but she's not smart enough to be a lawyer) AND she gets CS. But she's always buying new, expensive things for herself. Never for SD8. But her. I've never seen anyone so selfish before!

Sometimes I wish BM would just disappear so that DH and I can live peacefully... but then if that happened, we would have to take SD8 in... and I DON'T want to do that.

bellacita's picture

nice in theory (she would be gone from our lives), not so good in practice (dont wanna have SD full time at this point).

why on earth does ur DH give her money??? he is enabling her!!
if she withholds visitation, take her sorry ass to court!! end of discussion! they CANNOT DO THAT! u would NEVER lose that argument in court.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

secondwife20's picture

I didn't know that.

She does it all the time too. Like one time BM and DH got into a fight about my brother staying over when we have SD8 over too. BM is "scared that secondwife19's brother will molest SD8"

... right. My brother is 15! He'd never do such a thing!

Anyway, DH was furious with that horrible accusation, and as a result BM kept SD8 for two of our weekends.

Granted, I'm thrilled that I don't have to deal with stupid SD8... but when DH is hurt... I'm hurt. And i absolutely despise how BM treats DH. It's disgusting.

But I never thought of taking her to court for it.

secondwife20's picture

I didn't know that.

She does it all the time too. Like one time BM and DH got into a fight about my brother staying over when we have SD8 over too. BM is "scared that secondwife19's brother will molest SD8"

... right. My brother is 15! He'd never do such a thing!

Anyway, DH was furious with that horrible accusation, and as a result BM kept SD8 for two of our weekends.

Granted, I'm thrilled that I don't have to deal with stupid SD8... but when DH is hurt... I'm hurt. And i absolutely despise how BM treats DH. It's disgusting.

But I never thought of taking her to court for it.

secondwife20's picture

I didn't know that.

She does it all the time too. Like one time BM and DH got into a fight about my brother staying over when we have SD8 over too. BM is "scared that secondwife19's brother will molest SD8"

... right. My brother is 15! He'd never do such a thing!

Anyway, DH was furious with that horrible accusation, and as a result BM kept SD8 for two of our weekends.

Granted, I'm thrilled that I don't have to deal with stupid SD8... but when DH is hurt... I'm hurt. And i absolutely despise how BM treats DH. It's disgusting.

But I never thought of taking her to court for it.

secondwife20's picture

I don't know I have 3 of the same posts up there. Sorry.

bellacita's picture

even if he didnt pay CS, she cannot w/hold visitation...all he needs to do is file a motion and the judge will put a swift end to that...dont even need a lawyer to do it. let ALONE giving her EXTRA MONEY???!! oh hell no...DH would certainly win this case in court...the judge would ask where all that CS is going if the kid is going w/out. they are big on that stuff. all in the interests of the kids remember.

ps...sometimes when teh site is very busy an dits taking awhile to post ur post(!)...if u keep hitting post comment it will show up a hundred times...when its slow, just let it go and u should be good...it will come up shortly!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

SerendipitySM's picture

SW19 - there is no way that BM can legally hold SD8 hostage and away from her father. He needs to stop giving her extra money - now!!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

melis070179's picture

Same here...BM & her boyfriend live in a 3 bedroom trailer with 5 kids. SS is the only boy and the oldest so he gets his own room & the 4 girls share a room!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

LauraHelton331's picture

I am so in love with your nicknames for everyone!!!!!!!

Fake it til you make it! Smile

Abc20's picture

So I see a lot of different numbers these poster are complaining about. I'm sure there will be some out there that criticize me for what I'm about to share, but put yourself in my shoes. In 07 I met up with BM, I was making a very good living, upon the first speaking with her about my plans for my future I had told her that 1.) no marriage nothing against her just not for me I get fucked over a lot, ( as you're about to see) 2.) no children as I wasn't quite ready yet considering my lifestyle and work schedule. She was fine with that, we always doubled up on protection while intimate (rubber/pill), or so I thought. Month 3 into our relationship she tells me guess what you're gunna be a daddy, well great ill admit with my shock there was a great deal of excitement. Until the floor fell out of the global economy and I lost my job, the second this happened she became very spiteful and ignorant, I drew unemployment, had savings but it wasn't enough. Her attitude had been getting worse and worse. My daughter was born I was the happiest dad in the world, can't say BM was she just shut down to the world. I made a career change in 09 that started to get me back on my feet, BM and I were just falling apart, so we had a talk and I offered her and my daughter the house until we could find something close for them. I offered first month rent and damage deposit with a civil agreement of 700 a month CS. After 3 months of her being on my house still I had it with the fighting and sleeping on the couch in my own house while I was home from work. So I Told her to leave. She took my daughter 4.5 hours worth if driving away, and took me to court, I have told all of you that I was getting back on my feet, not rich.. So we go to court I couldn't afford a lawyer, boy was that a mistake, I walked out not only behind 5 months in CS (even tho I had proof I had paid according to the civil agreement) but my payments were 90% of child care, 100% medical, and 1200 bucks a month.. Where is the fairness in that, for those of you with children in child care you know after all the extra expenses I was ordered to pay my monthly payment is around the 2000 a month for one kid, now I know you're all thinking well damn he must make like 120,000 a year ... Oh no if I were I wouldn't be bitching, I make less then 60,000 a year, my mortgage is 1400 a month, my bills, my fuel ect how do I do it you may ask? I haven't been and can't make the payments, can't afford the legal bills, can't make it the 4.5 hours to get my daughter, constantly having my natural gas shut off because I have to shuffle bills so much. It gets to a point where I'm a man stuck between a rock and a hard place, I am a class 3 driver and need my license for work. Well if I can't work I can't pay if I can't pay I can't work if I can't work I can't pay I can't pay I go to jail I go to jail I can't pay to live I can't pay to live I die.... The bitch wins......

lucid's picture

Child Support is evil. My ex left me (for no just cause) and took my two kids 4 hours away. We went through arbitration, they decided she should live near by or I would get custody. She challenged the arbitration. The courts (illegally) overturned the arbitration and allowed her to move, but kept parts of the arbitration award that were not 'children's issues' completely ignoring the arbiters attempts to balance things out. Now I pay $2250 per month in support payments, almost 50% of my income.

The reality is there is not much clear-thinking with respect to the nature of child support. Everyone assumes the money is 'for the child' and that it is some kind of 'natural' order of things. Anyone arguing against child support is slandered. That is why I decided to write a blog post that clearly shows that child support is 100% backwards, devalues children, and all-around wrong. We need more people to learn how to effectively argue against the very concept of involuntary transfer payments between parents.

Over_that_tude's picture

abc20 and lucid...as a BM and a SM I understand your issue and it seems the system is stacked against the ncp. While you cannot put a dollar amount on raising a child I too see how you have these NCPs living this way, while CP is refusing to work, refusing to try to do better, while always holding a hand out to ask for or demand more money and get it. There is no way, unless there is school tuition or medical bills that are that costly that one child can use $2k a month. I'm sorry but it pisses me off every time we have to send that money off. That is on top of the $5K the BM is getting to maintain her lifestyle.

It seems the courts in our state do not take into consideration the NCP needs to live, too. He/she has a mortgage or rent, has to eat, has utilities, has drycleaning, needs clothes, and insurance etc yet they will order these people to pay more than they can realistically afford. The mediator in DHs case at one time actually suggested (his words) he cut his dry cleaning bill to $20 a month and give the other $50 he'd spend to her. Really?!? WTF? WHY and how low will they go?

I am in no way saying a NCP should not share in the responsibility, but where is the logic and reason? What can a teenager possibly do and need that will cost $2K a month? Lunch, clothes, outings, hair appts., entertainment, insurance (already paid for by NCP), groceries, utilities and a roof over the head. That does not come out to that amount and honestly why is the NCP responsible alone for keeping a roof over the child's head, does it not have another parent that is equally responsible?

When I was receiving CS for my kids it went to them, it bought food, clothes, paid for sports and they were able to go out and do fun things. I specifically did not ask for more than was necessary because I am no gold digger, I work everyday, I supply insurance, I buy food, clothes, etc. too so I was not trying to break their dad, I only wanted him to provide for the kids not me...the kids. I can take care of myself!

lucid's picture

There is one and only one reason why I tolerate my new wife attempting to collect the meager $250 / month in child support from her ex and that is because he stole $30,000 from her in a 'legal' yet immoral way (taking unauthorized advantage of power of attorney while she was incapacitated in the hospital). Expecting the NCP to pay for anything while the kids are in your custody is theft regardless of how much one 'needs' the money.

So while it makes no sense to judge yourself or others, I stand by my claim that your only obligation to support your children is while they are in your custody. In fact, I would suggest that upon realizing the theft you offer to return all of the child support money you received.

Willow638's picture

I just stumbled on this thread, but really wanted to post on it because I've been seriously frustrated the more that I learn about child support. My DH has 50/50 custody with a BM, who like all yours, often REFUSES to contribute financially towards anything. He pays $500/month since his income is so good.

I think it's really messed up that the child support calculator is based on anything other than the basic cost of raising a child. It's fine to say that DH makes more than BM and so should pay the right percentage, but I think it's really messed up that child support is set up to maintain households as if the parents never split.

NEWSFLASH: THEY DID SPLIT. BM shouldn't be able to eat out every night on DH's dollar.

Worse yet, I was just playing with the CS calculator and figured out that if DH and I had THREE children, they'd be considered at equal cost to the ONE CHILD that DH cares for 50% of the time. Such BS.