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Why are WE doing all the WORK?

KittyKat's picture

Hi, all..

Just as I read all the blogs and responses, isn't it
ironic (and probably codependent in a major way?) that WE are doing all the stressing, all the worrying, all the trying to disengage/make changes,

Are our significant others losing any sleep over this? Are the sources of our misery (BMs, SD/SSs, etc.) feeling any remorse for hurting us and making
us feel like we are in the "way" or overstepping our
bounds just by BEING???

My issue with all of this is my situation: Last
Friday, DH and I were celebrating our five years
together. We absolutely had a great time. It was
one of those things like I never thought I could
feel closer to anyone else in my life.

Sound familiar???

Enter grown 28 year old no -friend SD, needs daddy,
daddy goes running, I express discontent, not even
a week later I am called a "dictator", I am "jealous"
of his family, etc. Why didn't any of this come out
on Friday night when he was cooing that I am the love of his life?

This is NOT the first time this has happened, and in
past years, this is something that would have had me
in tears for days. Why do I let my "guard down" to
be vulnerable (isn't that what a relationship is all
about??) when I know that, as soon as the adult
SDs beckon and interfere, I'm basically expected to
step aside and be second, third, fourth, whatever.
Why do I allow myself (or ANY of us) to be called
"not normal", "controlling", etc. NONE of which is
true, because we don't think our adult SDs (or BMs
or young SDs/SSs) should be running our life?

Sorry for the rant. While DH is talking football
with the 'guys" at work, I AM the one blogging about
how unhappy I am with my marriage. I doubt he gives
one hoot if I am unhappy. Thus, the codependent
part that must end, I suppose: Getting involved in
the affairs of others will make anyone crazy; tend
to your own affairs. Melody Beattie said something
like that. Sorry, I've been too "codependent" trying
to be perfect W and SM to keep up on my codependent
behavior studies. Smile

Thanx for the vent. Any feedback very welcome!


now4teens's picture

Are we in sync today, or what???
That's really weird! I think we were writing our posts at the SAME time, too! Wink

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

now4teens's picture

I do think that my DH does give thought to my unhappiness. He tells me that he can't concentrate at work when he knows I'm unhappy with things. But the thing is, it's not ultimately STOPPING him from changing his behavior.

Ok, to be fair, he has been on his best behavior since that "NYC incident". But at the same time, he told me flat out he KNOWS he going to screw up again at some point, which leaves me to think he's already given himself an instant "get out of jail free" card in advance...

So how does one react to that statement?

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis