Not adding SS as a driver on my auto insurance
Broke the news to DH that I am not adding SS to my employee lease benefits to be able to drive the cars. In a previous post I discussed how SS stole my car while I was out of town and went joyriding with his fake friends for 3 nights, let these strangers drive my car, ran my tank down to empty and still will not tell me to the this day what happened to a piece of equipment that is missing from my car from when he took it. Was forced to apologize to me and it took him 4 days to even do that. This is my COMPANY car! Not to mention he tried to blame everything on my BS. The way in which SS handled everything and his lack of remorse is what is alarming to me and the main reason he will not be allowed to drive my cars.
DH believes I'm being unreasonable. LMAO!!!!!!!!! he forgets that SS is not my kid. We don't have that "unconditional love" connection. We have no relationship whatsoever. I don't have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have before but he's burned me. I know better now.
DH says that he helps me pay for the cars. UM NO YOU DONT! the payments come directly out of my check. He believes that because he makes up for it by paying other things that he should have a say in who drives the cars. Well when its under my employee lease benefits, sorry honey, YOU DONT. I'm the gatekeeper and the one who has the final and ONLY say. I'm the only one that can add him and I will not.
He says that his kid should be given the opportunity to earn trust back. Really? there was never trust to begin with! I told him that of course he can have the opportunity to earn trust but its not going to be with MY CARS! SS smokes mj and drinks alcohol! I'm not letting a teen who is irresponsible and drinks and smokes drive my car! is he insane? The kid has no respect for me or my things! DH then asks me how SS is supposed to earn my trust back. Well for starters he can communicate with me! He is like a stranger to me essentially. He doesn't communicate or interact with me whatsoever! he can also respect me, not take my things, stop lying and scheming. Stop the whining and fit throwing. He can start with all of that.
DH isn't even trying to see anything from my perspective. I'm supposed to just be cool with his son's behavior and actions and give him the world and all the privileges because he's my DH's son? He gets all defensive and shuts down when it comes to his rotten a$$ kids. Look I know its hard to hear from someone else that your kids are less than ideal but don't be in denial about the reality of how your kids behave and carry on. Not like I'm some person off the street. I have raised, lived with, provided for and taken care of SS for the past 10 years! I think I'm qualified to talk about his a$$ and know what I'm talking about. I don't have the guilty parent complex shading my view. I see things for how they are! UGHHHHH
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Comments
He doesn't want the money to
He doesn't want the money to be separate. I would love for it to be actually. I'm not opposed to sharing in the money as we have been operating this way for some time now but it doesn't give his kid free reign to benefit when he's overstepped the boundaries and broken so many rules. Not to mention he has done zero to amend anything or reconcile. So we can share money and benefits but I have boundaries when it comes to anything that could adversely affect my livelihood. DH can go suck it.
If DH wants him to earn his
If DH wants him to earn his trust back DH should have no issue getting him his own insurance, once a year goes by with no issue maybe you all can POSSIBLY or just MAYBE discuss him being on the your policy. FFS what are these men smoking? Pass the joint bud.
Love this idea. He can
Love this idea. He can insure him on another car. too bad DH is too cheap to have a separate car just for his loser kid to drive. My employee lease is a good deal. Low monthly payment that includes the maintenance, registration and insurance. When you have teen drivers that is a good benefit because normally insuring teens for auto insurance coverage is super expensive. Plus DH wants to get an extra car but its going to be his classic dream car. I know he will not allow his kid to drive that car, so why the f should I allow this fktard to drive my cars??????????? HECK NO! Yes I would like to know wtf DH is smoking too cuz I want some! LOL!
YUP its non-negotiable. FOR
YUP its non-negotiable. FOR SURE! he can yammer all he wants but I'm not budging. This entire relationship I have been more than a team player, taken care of his kids, insured all of them on my medical, dental and vision plan because its better than DH's. I have included his kids in everything. Tried my best to do my part and beyond even though it wasn't my responsibility or obligation. I have allowed DH and family members to guilt trip me and convince me that all that I have done is the "right" thing to do. So far I have regretted all of it. I have gone against my own wits and better judgment and have been burned every time. So sorry folks I could give 2 fks about what anyone thinks about it, its MY insurance and MY CHOICE and SS is NOT MY KID. he has 2 parents that can do all that ish for him.
Love it, love it, love it
Love it, love it, love it when a doormat wakes up and stands up for themself.
And you are completely in the right. Your SS is a juvenile delinquent. It's a no brainer that he should not be trusted, and certainly not with anything that impacts your livelihood.
Be prepared for a lot of pushback from your DH. He's had things all his own way for several years, and he is not going to like his formerly bidable wife drawing boundaries.
SS stole my car in October of
SS stole my car in October of last year. DH forced him to apologize 4 days too fking late. SS was to wash my car and he did a crappy job. Looked like he spit on it and rinsed it off. We took away all his gadgets, phone, ipad, playstation. He was confined to the home, we took him off of the football team and he lost his allowance. DH kept flailing and being inconsistent with his restriction. Allowing him to play sports again and letting him visit his aunts for the weekend (totally unsupervised environment, damn free for all at auntie's house). SS behavior continued to get worse. More lying about everything, especially his whearabouts. Getting picked up by the cops, got busted for stealing at Walmart. The list goes on. 2 months later, DH is worn out, exhausted and just done dealing with SS and sends him off to live with his mom. So his punishment was half a$$ed and inconsistent. He didn't even stay long enough to finish out the punishment. he just bailed. No accountability, no remorse, no nothing. The message he received was that he can fk up royally and just get sent off to his mom's who doesn't look after him at all and allows him to carry on this way. GRRRRRRR...... I have disengaged for years but now that the kids are driving age, he's screwed cuz I have zero trust.
YES THIS! I feel the same
YES THIS!
I feel the same way, I know kids mess up but if they aren't growing and learning and becoming better people after then FK THAT! Not my fault that DH is a pushover and too lazy to parent his child. He wont let me parent his kid the way I want to or how I would my own kid. I'm not down with the way he parents so I just disengage.
Sorry buddy, but your kid will not be driving my cars. PERIOD. You don't have to like it but you have to respect it.
SD turned 16 in September.
SD turned 16 in September. BM told DD's dad to add her to his car insurance. Said SD had a job and would give him the money as they couldn't insure her since they already had 10 cars on their policy. That was in September and it's now May and he hasn't received not one penny. His insurance went up from $88 a month to $230
When I was 18 and got my
When I was 18 and got my first car, my insurance was $80 per mo. After 2 months of driving I got in my first accident and my insurance went up to $200 per mo. That was 20 years ago! Teen drivers are expensive. I had to have a job when I started driving because I was to pay for all of it.
This is where I am torn, like
This is where I am torn, like many SM's on here. We love our spouses just not what they come with or how they deal with it. When its just DH and I, its great. When it comes to his kids, he's an idiot and we do not see eye to eye. UGHHHH. this loser son of his is 16 so I have 2 more yrs. Trying my best to hang in there til he's the fk out of my house.
Trust me, the kid will leave
Trust me, the kid will leave our house when he's 18. He hates living with us. he can't do whatever he wants, there are rules, expectations and standards. He will just go live with his enabling aunt where his older brother lives and mooches off of her. So he will have options, just not our house. We told all of the kids that when the graduate high school they can live with us as long as they are working and enrolled in college and will have to pay rent. it will be minimal but they will be contributing something financially. That is our way of helping them. So far, both of DH's older kids, moved out at 18. One went off to college across the country and the other is a total bum and freeloader living with his enabling aunt. So I'm sure that SS can go over there or with his BM. My DH is an idiot for sure, sucker for his kids, Disney Dad but when it comes to them being adults he expects them to step it up and if they don't, then they get the boot. We had to kick out his oldest son because he refused to get a job and had no plan. So BYE BYE, you're outta here! 2 down and 1 to go. SS plan is to get into the Navy, but if he's still a stoner, I doubt that will happen. Good news is that he will graduate high school at 17 years old and DH is ready to sign off and emancipate him so he can go off to the military. we will see how that plays out. But if we do agree on one thing, its NO FREELOADERS.
I found out that my insurance
I found out that my insurance plan covers all drivers in the household and that I was supposed to add all drivers who lived in the house. We were trying to see if we could add just one car to our policy for my SD. She actually didn't live in our household but we were going to help her get a plan. Unfortunately, if she got a car on our policy, they would add her "risk" to all our other cars too so our rate was going to go up a LOT. We ended up buying a different policy through another company using her grandparent's address where she was living at the time. It is important to understand the terms and regulations that might govern this. TBH, I am surprised your company car policy allows you to let non-company employees use it.
My employee lease benefit
My employee lease benefit allows me to add, spouse, parents, kids, and stepkids as drivers.
my insurance will cover my
my insurance will cover my car if I allow "anyone" to drive it. Like if you lend a friend a car. I am guessing that DH wants SS to be able to drive your company car? No WAY jose.
In our situation, since the
In our situation, since the SD didn't live at our address, we just got another policy using the grandparent's (where SD was living) and that allowed her to get a policy. I felt like it was wrong that we couldn't limit the liability to only the car she would drive, but they said it wouldn't work that way.
Oh hell to the no. No skids
Oh hell to the no. No skids on my cell phone account or insurance... E.V.E.R.
does the kid have a BM?? Why can't she put him on her insurance?
SS is 14, and I am dreading
SS is 14, and I am dreading the turn of events that will take place once he's driving age. Good thing my Jeep only has one key fob because that ish will be hidden in some orifice of my body at all times when he is around .... LOL!!!!!! ...ew why did I write that hahahah. Okay, okay, maybe just in my bra.
JP - great job and holding your ground and saying NO! Not negotiable! SS14 stole 6,000 $$ from his mom on xbox live items in game and who knows what else over the xbox (dh never was able to get into the account to see because SS said he didn't know the login and DH left it at that) He wasn't punished at all at our house, and he only lost xbox privliges for a few weeks at BM's and that was it. DH had him help with some yardwork and paid him 40$ for it to give back to BM. I had a shitfit that we were not paying him everyother weekend to do things he should be helping with already at our house.
That was not our bill or mistake that was made by letting him have her debit card # on his xbox account. The best part was, she was then going to take him out of the country for a vacation before he starts high school this fall. I thought it was bogus since he spent 6k ....that was their ticket money and hotel money perhaps ...If I was BM I would have said, "here was your ticket to the amazon rain forest where I should leave you to be raised by monkeys, but, instead I am bringing my best friend since you already wasted your ticket and hotel money on Xbox."
Anyways, she changed her mind and they aren't going now at all from his shopping spree. But to go along with what you said, no consequences for TERRIBLE behavior.
Journey, have you taken a
Journey, have you taken a look at your household expenses and how much you contribute lately? I know you've been providing health insurance for all the skids (until recently, lol). How much of your income is being funneled towards your skids?
I have always paid half of
I have always paid half of everything. Even when DH and his kids outnumber myself and my son. Its my son and I..... DH and his 3 kids. In terms of insurance I pay $250/mo to fully insure my entire family with medical, dental and vision. My insurance plan at work is top notch and a great deal.
I feel used and I have felt that way for a long time. My DH is very selfish natured. He's an only child. He's never wanted for anything and he's always gotten his way. I am a catering and loving wife. A team player. Its my nature to be that way. Its just hurtful that it goes unappreciated. I wish that my husband would take inventory on how much I do, how much I have done and sacrificed for him and his children and just respect my decisions about boundaries and support me emotionally.
He is who he is, though. So
He is who he is, though. So rather than giving too much and hoping you'll receive validation from someone who is innately selfish, it might be better to accept what IS, lower your expectations, and start finding ways to validate yourself.
My marriage is much better since I started working towards acceptance.
Is it reasonable to expect a middle-aged man to completely change his personality?
No I guess it isn't
No I guess it isn't reasonable to expect for an old dog to learn new tricks LOL.
I don't need his validation, I just want it.
I do have to be more accepting of the reality of my situation and find other ways to validate myself. Lowering my expectations is definitely in order.
This would just be a
This would just be a non-issue with me, no matter the history with the step kid. My company car = nobody drives it but me. No justification needed.
SS primary residence is my
SS primary residence is my house. I'm sure that is the address he will put on his license.
That is the beauty of my auto
That is the beauty of my auto insurance, it doesn't operate that way. I don't have traditional auto insurance. I'm under a global policy for our entire company. It covers all employees who have a lease and whomever they add as drivers to the lease. In other words, it wont affect my policy at all when he becomes a driver because I'm not listing him on as a driver. I work for a major international automaker.
yes that is the ONLY option.
yes that is the ONLY option. DH will insure his own kid on a different policy cuz that lil demon seed is not going on mine.
The plan was to not have a traditional auto insurance plan anymore and get my DH a new lease through my employee lease benefit, that way he can be added to the global policy. So in order for his son to drive he would have to get an outside policy and another car because this ungrateful brat isn't driving any of my cars! Funny thing is, my DH is so cheap I can't see him doing all this extra sh*t just so his bad a$$ kid can drive. It makes no sense financially for him to do that. Plus this kid doesn't deserve the privilege of driving.
All of this makes me SO
All of this makes me SO thankful that my DH is not an ass. SS (now 30) has been a POS for decades. My DH loves him with all of his heart and so wants to believe that he has now grown up. But DH NEVER pressures me to do anything for the ahole.
LUCKY! I wish my DH would
LUCKY! I wish my DH would pressure BM to do her part, afterall these are her fking spawn. oh that's right, BM is a total loser who refuses to work because she "can't" work and go to school at the same time due to her ADHD. She's totally unreliable and unaccountable. Afterall this is the same mom of the year that abandoned her 2 son's and left them with us so she can move 500 miles away to attend college full time on a scholarship she received because she lied and said she was a foster kid. She now lives on financial aid and scholarship money, still doesn't work and only goes to school part time. WINNER.