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How do you do? I'm Jenstep.

jenstep's picture

Hello friends.

I'm a frequent lurker and infrequent contributor and wanted to say hi and give some info about my situation. My husband and I have been together for the last 8 1/2 years and we have had full custody of his 2 sons for the last several years. Their mom gets supervised visitation that she occasionally takes advantage of. She has had drug addiction issues as well as mental health concerns and bounces from one boyfriend to another - last boyfriend was a drug dealer (according to her), current boyfriend currently has several criminal charges pending against him. She hasn't worked for over 5 years even though she is perfectly capable. We have asked for no CS and she has not given us a penny in all this time. My husband has been a stay at home dad to our DD5 all these years. I wonder if she thinks about who is paying for her children's school supplies? Our lawyer (who is great BTW) recommends we try for CS based on her imputed income since she refuses to work. Has anyone ever had any success with this?

My DH is sweet and loving (but not totally a push-over) and I'm the total shrew. I do most of the disciplining which hasn't been too much of a problem b/c "my house, my rules." And for the most part he and I work together well as a team. (It doesn't hurt that he's a younger man who's quite a looker and loves to give massages Wink )

I dread the day my skids get old enough to start having a say in the decision-making processes b/c I know they will be dying to get out of our structured, disciplined house ASAP. Their mom thinks school is a waste of time (HS dropout)and she's living proof that you never have to work a day in your life. My SS(13) is a typical teenager, 'nuff said. My SS(10) has moments of sweetness and moments of...not. My DD(5) is the most perfect child ever created (HA!).

I am so grateful for this site b/c I have never even met anyone who's got the kind of crazy BM experiences I've had. I thought my family was some kind of anomaly. After lurking here for several weeks I know I'm not alone. In fact, many of you are dealing with situations much uglier than ours and that makes me feel so much better - so THANK YOU for having such horrible experiences!

May I share one of my favorite BM stories? Many years ago when my husband and I were foolish and naive we allowed her to take the boys camping. She had recently gotten out of jail for a drug offense and really seemed to be turning her life around. After arriving at the campground she left the boys with a "friend" and went off for a "job interview." When she hadn't come back 24 hours later the friend contacted us and we got the boys back. This is the same woman who one year later criticized my parenting b/c when the boys would interrupt an adult I would put my hand up and tell them they had to wait til the adult was finished talking. Cheeky BM.


Willow2010's picture

(It doesn't hurt that he's a younger man who's quite a looker and loves to give massages )

You go girl!! Welcome, I lurk a lot also. I would really like to post more.

Justwantsomepeace's picture

After you commented on my blog I looked and saw that you are in NC also. To answer your question on CS, our BM pays child support based on imputed income (min wage). Not sure what county you're in (we're in Alamance) but here it's pretty automatic to get it based on imputed. We do ours through CSE instead of our lawyer (who is fantastic) because they charge $25 per year and have enforcement powers lawyers don't like wage garnishment, tax refund intercept and driver license suspension. I would confirm through your lawyer that they can't include your income since DH is a stay at home dad. I don't believe they can, but the "in loco parentis" law on the books seems pretty vague to me. A word of warning about CSE though, they work like they only charge $25 per year, and my DH seems to be taken less seriously since he's a man. In court they always try to make him stand at the defendant's table. So annoying!

jenstep's picture

Thanks so much Justwant! We'll be meeting again with our lawyer in February (after tax return time!) and will get some clarification. That's hopeful news re: imputed income. She'll never pay it but it'll be nice to get her in major arrears before the skids get old enough to decide to go live with her b/c she won't make them go to school or do chores etc. She'll go after us for CS the day they move in, conveniently forgetting the fact that we've had them in our care for 6 years w/o receiving a penny from her.

And a note commenting on something you said in your blog post about wanting BM to drop off the face of the earth. I frequently fantasize about this kind of thing b/c I'm so tired of seeing the skids hurt by her behavior. I don't like to wish ill of anyone b/c I'm a believer in karma, but these kids have been hurt so many times. As the only REAL MOTHER of these kids - I just want to make that pain stop.