Would you rather...
BM2 is weird. She puts on the poor me act and has everyone buying it, including FH. When he calls to find out about the kids she tells him things that aren't necessarily related. She has called to tell him about her car getting broken into, though her BF fixed the window. She tells him about her sick friend. She tells him that she is worried her BF won't commit. How do I know? Because he turns around and tells me.
This morning he told me he texted her to let her know he will be dropping off CS to her. This turned into her telling him the latest story about how much her life sucks.
FH is a very involved dad. He tries to keep up to date on everything. Any changes in pick ups regarding SD from her after school program he lets BM know in advance. Of course she will ask "why". We had to take SS' Xbox to get repaired. He texted her to let her know that it was fixed and he will be dropping it off when he drops off SD. She tried to turn that into a convo too.
I see that FH is trying hard to play by the rules without being blunt. I see that he tries to avoid talking to her about changes and stuff because then it will lead to him having to explain more than he wants to.
I know what you all will say, "he needs to put his foot down." But I understand why he is apprehensive.
But TBH I am tired of it. The reason I get tired of it because she is the first one to turn around and tell everyone that he is not over her. That he needs to move on. I just don't get it. I don't have a single doubt that it is her. At all. I just wish she would accept and move on.
BM1 however, back in her day, was alittle crazy from what I understand. She was always demanding her CS though it came straight from his paycheck, calling him for EVERYTHING etc. He would get so frustrated and tired that once he got custody of the kids he didn't deal with her.
I know this might sound crazy, but I would rather deal with a BM like BM1. Its kinda like a what you see is what you get thing. There is no behind the scenes nonsense or anything like that. Where as BM2 is way more sneaky.
So which would you rather deal with? I know the answer will be none! But I am just curious to see responses.
- GiGi222's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Girrrl, I wouldn't wanna
Girrrl, I wouldn't wanna deal with either one of em' LOL
Ok I have a few points/questions....
This morning he told me he texted her to let her know he will be dropping off CS to her.
-------------> CS doesn't get garnished for her too? What about automatic withdraw/deposit? BF has his CS automatically withdrawn from his acct and it goes into BM's acct on the same day every month. No need for contact.
He texted her to let her know that it was fixed and he will be dropping it off when he drops off SD
-------------> I don't think he necessarily had to text BM to let her know this. I think once SD was dropped off, BM would have seen the Xbox and realized it was fixed and that it was with SD.
I think there are certain things that can be done that limits the amount of interaction/contact from BF to her without actually confronting the issue with BM.
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
I get what you are saying M.
I get what you are saying M. It doesn't bother me too much about him texting her to let her know stuff like that believe it or not. Especially considering that he doesn't really bother for much else.
And as for CS, its not garnished. It was decided upon their divorce/Custody/CS or whatever that it was going to be this way. It was before me so what can I say?
I guess, IDK why I am so bothered. Maybe its because she knows how he is. And knows how to play the poor me. And to an extent I have felt bad at times. I just don't want her trying to lean on him for anything. Its frustrating.
I have to agree with
I have to agree with middlemom...if BF didn't send any texts that weren't really necessary then that would cut down on her contact, because it seems that it is when he contacts her that she gets into the 'other' things that is bothering you. I really didn't see that either of those instances of texts from BF were necessary. Maybe BM doesn't either, and therefore, thinks it's okay for her to bring up other subjects to him.
Just my opinion.
Well I hate to say it
Well I hate to say it but...."he has to put his foot down". There is just no other answer. There needs to be boundaries on communications. Keeping her up to date doesn't have to mean constant communication. Dh calls Wingnut when it is absolutely necessary to parent their child and for no other reason. I'll be honest with you. Wingnut calls here for things like "i got the xbox fixed" and it pisses me off. She called yesterday to let dh know she sent a tissue box to school with SD for her homework. Guess what she doesn't need to tell us she is doing her friggin' job as a mother over there. I think your bf is just as guilty of over communicating as bm is. We only call Wingnut for schedule changes and confirmations and medical issues. Communicating about the kids doesn't have to mean communicating EVERYTHING about the kids. Each bparent should assume the other is doing their job unless they have reason to think otherwise. As for her communicating about non-child related things - DH says "okay, unless you have anything else to talk about sd, I have to go." She calls here about her car, her health, her parents' health, her job, her lack of sleep, etc. We simply ignore her. We don't answer the phone and if we have to return a call (confirmation or something) we wait until we know she isn't home. There is no reason for him to engage in conversation with her about any other topic. My dh was apprehensive at first too and rightfully so because Wingnut went crazy when he put his foot down and said no more, but that is too damn bad. She isn't his family anymore and the fact that they had year together (in my case 20 years) doesn't mean he's interested in rehashing old times or keeping up to date with her life.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I hear ya... BM is always
I hear ya... BM is always turning a quick informational phone call in to "poor me, my life sucks AND it's YOUR fault!". So DH avoids calls until he HAS to address things. I wish she would find another shoulder to cry on and just move on. I am not sure which I would prefer, because I have not dealt with the other... but I can tell you that THIS is getting really old. When she does find another shoulder... it's 90% of the time MINE. And I don't want to hear it either. My BM and your BM2 must come from the same mold.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
I would rather deal with
I would rather deal with someone who didn't speak English, lived in some country you could only travel to by boat, no telephone, no email, and DH had full custody.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
AMEN TO
AMEN TO THAT!!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
LOL!!! I agree
LOL!!! I agree
She is projecting her
She is projecting her feelings onto him (BM2) IMO. She wants the relationship to continue and wants him to be her friend...people do it all the time and totally unconsciously. She probably really believes her own BS when she tells people.
I'd rather deal with someone who is direct, no question.
I think there is a part of
I think there is a part of FH that just wants to make sure everything is going okay. He wasn't on top of BM1 and it turned out she couldn't handle their kids and was physically abusing them. I think he still carries guilt over that. Not mention he is a worrier. Sometimes I feel like he is more of a mother hen than I am
So because of that I think he tries to stay in contact and in the loop. Its funny because BM2 will talk about everything but will not really mention the kids unless prompted. Its weird to me.