Evil BM
So SS's kindergarten graduation is today. Of course it falls during BM's week and the school all of the kids go to does not give you a lot of time to work around things like this because they usually send the flyer home the week of.
DH and I didn't see a flyer in SS's backpack last week during DH's custodial time so I'm assuming they sent the information home about it on Monday of this week, which means that BM got the flyer and not DH. The graduation starts at 9:30 am, in about an hour from now my time, and BM just sent DH a text less than an hour ago about it.
This just p!sses me off. BM doesn't realize that DH has the day off due to the long weekend and will actually be able to show up. (I'm sure she was anticipating him not being able to attend due to the short notice.) I on the other hand can't. Had I been given notice earlier this week I would have been able to let my boss know ahead of time and probably could have taken off for the the hour and a half it would have taken but no.
This lady is such a B word. How is trying to prevent the other custodial parent from showing up in the best interest of the child? And obvioulsy she knew DH didn't get the flyer because why text him two hours before about if she thought he already knew about it?
DH and I are planning on sitting down on Saturday to talk about how we want to modify the custody agreement so that she can't pull her crap anymore. Obviously this will need to be something that is put in it. We've already had issues with her signing the kids up for field trips on DH's week and then not saying anything to DH about it. Both SS and SD have almost gone to school on those days without a sack lunch (which was required for the field trip) which means that they wouldn't of had anything to eat for lunch and we've had issues with school project info going home on her week and it ends up being due on DH's week. Do you think BM worked on it? Nope. She also doesn't say anything to DH about it but makes it a point to call the school the day that it's due to ask for an extension and blame DH for it not being done on time when DH didn't even know it needed to be done. DH has emailed her about these things and she refuses to communicate these things to him. He finally emailed both of the teachers and explained what's been going on and usually they're pretty good about copying DH on everything. Obviously the kindergarten graduation fell through the cracks.
I hope there's a special place in h@ll for women like this or that karma actually exists. I would love to see everything she dishes out come right back on her.
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Because they don't post that
Because they don't post that information on the school website. I looked earlier this week. This is kindergaten graduation. Not high school.
The issue is that they don't
The issue is that they don't mail anything out. They send things home with the kids with the expectations that both parents will be informed as to what is going on. We have seperate folders for DH and BM. The issue that we run into is that if something is happening on the same week they send the flyer out on and it happens to be BM's week we usually don't get the information. We were hoping to avoid these types of situations by doing the two folder thing but obviously it doesn't work all of the time.
I purposely set my ex up on a
I purposely set my ex up on a system like this. Everything "announcement" wise also gets mailed to my ex. This just lets me off the hook on having to talk to him...
I completely get what you're
I completely get what you're saying. Both DH and BM are the custodial parents. They share 50/50 custody. The issue is more than just the end of the year field trips and ceremonies. All three kids go on several field trips throughout the year and school projects are another issue that we have. If we don't get the information than we don't know. DH finally emailed both of the teachers and gave them a brief overview of what was happening and they have actually been pretty good about keeping him informed as to what is going on with school activies with the kids. We've also had issues with BM when the kids have behavorial issues at school not forwarding the emails so that DH can address the problem on his time. BM is setting up meetings with the teachers due to what has happened at school with the kids and DH ends up being excluded because he has no idea that there's a problem or that there's a meeting setup in regards to the problem. In my opinion, I think she does this to make DH look like a parent that doesn't care about his kids all the while she's the one (MOTY) who's taking care of everything.
My point is that I just don't understand how acting this way is in the best interest of the children. In my opinion both parents should be actively participating in the kids lives. It benifits both of them.
Hopefully we'll get it al sorted out when we go through the CO modification process. If we don't leave her any wiggle room with stuff like this than I don't foresee it being an issue in the future.
Thanks Strix.
Thanks Strix.
I would go to open house when
I would go to open house when school starts and give all the teachers a writen letter explaining that DH and BM have joint custody. And that due to BM withholding the schools schedule and basically any information sent home during her week with kids the little things like when projects are due, or field trip that needs a lunch that may fall on DH time are not getting relayed to him. So I ask if you would please work with me on this matter and send any information I need to know via e-mail@ gameon@ 123.com or please call. If you have a website that I can go to for information that would be great also. Then I would not have to bother you. Thanks.
That should do it. Try that before going to court.
DH plans on doing something
DH plans on doing something similar to that next year with both teachers and hopefully it won't go to court. Since the company that I work for supplies lawyers for their employees the CO modification will be free. We're hoping that both he and BM can come to an agreement together and than just have the lawyer draw up the paper work and get it signed by a judge. I've never done the CO modification thing, but I would assume that if both parents agree that there would be no need for court. Plus BM is a big fan of using the system in order to get free things that she's not entitled to so I'm thinking the term, "free lawyer" should spark her interest.
Everything, and I mean
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is emailed to parents in addition to being sent home with the kids and available on the website for teh school under the teacher's name.
I assume all schools are different but I do not communicate any school events to my XH. Period. He is as capable of me to getting the information. He is on the email list just as I am, he has access to a PC just like myself - in fact, a lot of the events aren't even paper driven anymore due to a green-imitative at my daughters school (use less paper).
Every now and then my XH will complain 'he didn't know about such and such' well dude, check your email - that is how I knew, I got 5 emails on the bloody topic cluttering up my inbox - its not my job to babysit my XH, I divorced him and that ended - he is a big boy, he can choose to inform himself.
Sorry, BM talking here but your DH KNEW school was ending, I don't know about you guys but its been 2 weeks of 'events' due to end of school, parties, water day, pj day, come in and see our classroom and watch a play day....
My XH hasn't attended a thing, that is his choice - he is capable of putting forth effort to find out what is going on - I cannot force him nor is it my job to babysit him, call him, inform him.
BM here sends nothing to DH, takes everything out of SS's folder on her days, ZERO communication. DH complains all the time that she does this - well - I tell DH exactly what I am saying to you now - make an effort and find out - the information is there, its not BMs job to spoon feed you....
Men..
The school does send out an
The school does send out an email. DH doesn't get it. BM set it up to where she receives it and then doesn't foward it to him. SS's teacher even sends out a weekly class email that DH didn't even know about until he finally emailed both SS and SD's teacher about how information is not being relayed to him from BM. Field trip information is not posted on the website. There are five grades and many different classes in each grade. The only time that I have seen things posted on the website is when it involves the entire school district.
The issue here is that how is DH supposed to know when to ask for information on things when he has no idea when things are? He made the effort to reach out to the teachers about field trips and project issues and both teachers have been very good about keeping him informed now. When it comes to the behavorial issues, BM some how has gotten it to where the teachers email her the info. DH really does want to know what's going on with the kids at school, but for some reason the teachers seem to be falling short in this regard.
It's more than just field trips and school projects. I highly doubt that they will be posting the kids issues they are having at school on the joint school district website or sending it home in a monthly email to all the kids parents. Everybody handles situations how they work best for them. Things seem to be working great for you with how you have set things up with your ex. DH is only asking to be informed of the things she receives on her weeks that pertains to his weeks. He's also asked that she not sign the kids up for anything on his time because she refuses to do so.
The main issue with the field trips is not that we don't know that they are going to be leaving the school. It's making sure that they are prepared with the proper clothing and food if required. You would think she would be able to set aside her BS and think about how her actions affect her kids. I'm a mother and I know that I wouldn't want my BD to go to school without required food on field trip because I was to big of a B word to my ex to give him that information if he asked that I do so. I would do it without even thinking about it or having him request it from me. It's in the best interest of my BD that she eats.