So many times we hear how hard it is to be a Stepmom. I am even only a girlfriend technically, but sometimes, like tonight, I know I am making a huge impact in their lives. That I am so happy to be a part of it. That I am so happy to be in a relationship that is STILL better than I was married into before. I, that wanted NO kids before, am so happy to be around 4 of them!

Often, here on this site, we vent and want support so much. It is such a great place for both. Some days I come here and have nothing to say, nothing to offer. I feel bad for so many people and sometimes myself for having chosen this difficult path.

However days like this, when so much is noticed by me of my blended family members. When what I have been in their life has made a difference in a positive way, I know I am doing right for TODAY. Even if I am gone tomorrow.

This weekend was BM's first over night in 6 months with her children. I heard, after the counselor's meeting, from BF, "SS12 had issues with BM this weekend. She had a fight with her boyfriend and SD10 asked to go home (to MY house). SS12 backed her up. BM yelled, 'I worked so hard for 6 months to get you all and this is how I am thanked?!' That is why SD10 had a tummy ache this morning."

I was in shock when he told me this. BM has been under supervised visits for the last 6 months. She screwed it up the very first time she had her chance. I am betting they will push back her over nights again.

I feel so bad for my Skids because of this. I hold no animosity against BM, other than her own destructiveness with her family. Sometimes I feel sorry for her, that she cannot get it together enough to be a good mom to her 4 children. I have no desire to talk to her, that it could only cause trouble. It does, however, give me the chance to not only raise my children, but hers. That BF gets the chance to be the great father I know he can be.

Tonight I was tucking in my children at my lunch hour. I turned and my skids were waving at me good night. I opened their door and said, "good night" From SS12, "good night, Mamma Bear" and SD10 "Good night, I love you"

I said, "I love you guys" and they both said they loved me. I was just overwhelmed with emotion. I was stunned. The environment BF and I are providing for them they are happy with.

They will forever remember me and the time they spent with me. I only remember my own stepmother with disdain. I still have no real love for her. She was forced on me. We have handled things so differently. I guess you could say I let them come to me. It makes me feel so happy that I have made such a difference. That it is ME being more mother like to them than their own.

I have seen on this site so many references to loving a child that is not our own. These 2 have grown into my heart. I miss them when they are gone. I miss my 2 as well, but differently.

Even if things go south with my relationship, I will have made an impression on all of them, and them on me. That means so much to a "Stepmom" like me.