For the past few months I have been returning to the house and collecting stuff to bring back to this place I'm renting, only to be moving it again once my purchase on my new place is complete.
I was really hoping that today would be my last visit- I've been there all day packing and carrying but alas- there has to be another visit. I feel right now that I am being tormented- that there is always more boxes, and stuff, a lot of it I don't even want but it is mine, so I have to pack it, and carry it, and then carry it again when I get back.
It is all too sad and I am feeling really low today, and almost hate the X because it will all be so much easier for him.
The house looks so sad and empty, but the garden bothers me the most. All my roses are out but choking on weeds, and the grass is so dry because it isn't being watered. Every summer evening last year I was out there caring for that garden and now I have to just feel very bad when I look at it.
I am now wondering if I can trust someone to go and fetch the remaining stuff without me having to go? I don't think I can bear it again...
I need to be able to skip six months ahead when I have moved into my new house and I have put all this torment behind me...I've just had enough.