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Three weeks in...!

fairyo's picture

The roller-coaster continues-here was my week:

Sunday-at my sister's place whilst she and her family were away on holiday. I got up early and went to church (it is just around the corner) The Ostrich wasn't religious- he resented my faith and didn't understand it- just another one of those things we didn't share. This was the first day I had had to myself since I left him- so I was glad of the quiet and had a very relaxing day just pleasing myself.

Monday- a second quiet but busier day- tried to claim back some money I had paid into a small pension years ago and that wasn't easy- took me hours to fill in the on-line form and speak on the phone to an advisor, who said after another couple of hours that I needed to send in the paperwork anyway- so a wasted afternoon grrrh...

Tuesday- went to view two properties with my youngest sister and found a nice apartment, after a chat with my daughter on the phone I decided to go for it- felt relieved that I may have a place to call my own in a couple of weeks. In the afternoon went to work and drove back in thick fog; really tiring, but took up the invitation to have dinner with my brother and his wife in the evening. 

Wednesday- an early doctor's appointment went well but the day went rapidly downhill after that. Went into the estate agent to find out the photographer was coming to take the marketing pics on the house. Annoyed that I hadn't been told, but went to the house and met Ostrich for the first time since walking out on him. Made a fuss about not being told about the photographs, did some washing (my sister's machine is unreliable) and had work stuff to deal with as well as paperwork to find. It was very difficult with Ostrich being around, clearly his inability to take time off work had ended since I left.  The house was tidy but not as I would have presented it in the photographs. He asked if I wanted to be there for viewings and I said I didn't want to be showing people around my house. I couldn't bear the thought of it. I filled in the application for the apartment and sent that in, and asked my boss to send more work my way, which she did! I left the house with a cool remark to the Ostrich, only to return after realising I had left my phone behind. I made another smart remark as I left the house for the second time. Decided to go to the shopping mall to get some gifts for my grandson's birthday and needing to buy some food as I hadn't eaten since mid-morning, realised I had left my purse in the car! Set off to drive through thick fog again, kept getting stuck in traffic and taking wrong turnings, finally arrived back at my sister's feeling really fed-up and very low. Feeling more sorry for The Ostrich than myself though, wondering how he's going to manage with only those kids, who don't care about him, to care about him.

Thursday- had to make sure my bags were packed, went to work and once more called into the house again. Ostrich not there this time, so packed more stuff and washed the dirty dishes he'd left. Why? I don't really know- I did it for him, because I'd started to pity him, but also for myself, because I enjoyed being back in the house if only for  short time. It is all very strange. I drove back to my sister's, packed all my wordly goods into my car, tidied up and left her some flowers, and then went to catch a train down to my daughter's for the weekend. 

Friday- my grandson's fifth birthday. Because I'd arrived after dark he didn't know I had arrived and the way he threw himself at me when he saw me the next morning made all the troubles of these previous few days vanish. I watched him open his gifts and go off to school, and then helped my daughter get ready for his after-school party. It was lovely to see my daughter's friends and hear their kind words. Grandson had a great time and after he had gone to bed I checked my e-mails to find out I hadn't attached the application form for the apartment to the e-mail I had sent in on Wednesday-really annoyed with myself because it would hold things up.  The house is now the market though, checked out the photos on-line and they seem ok. One viewing booked.  Shared  a glass of champagne...or two, with my daughter and her husband.

Saturday- the big birthday party and very busy preparing food for 30+ five year olds! The sun came out and the kids had lots of fun. My daughter and son-in-law have now gone out and I'm babysitting two very tired kids and enjoying a glass of wine. Realise I don't miss or even think about The Ostrich- no longer feeling sorry for him. It is as if the last nine years had never happened. Another viewing booked for Monday- who knows what next week will bring-but getting back with him is certainly never going to be an option now...


somethingwicked's picture longer a tragic dead ended roller coaster  of the same daily torture   conducted by The Ostrich and his Rotten Egg Skids.

NOW you are writing reams  of satisfying adventure and happy endings and experiencing life with all its ups and downs to YOUR decisons and choices and on your own terms.

AND isn't it glorious?

Fairy-O I am so happy and proud of you for  taking back your life, taking back and  commandeering all the time that is yours alone to plan any which way YOU care .

I get that you feel some melancholy and sadness,even grief at what once was and how it all fell apart.

YOU did your best and tried so hard to make it better for you and The Ostrich.

In the end he wanted to be under the thumb of his bizarre pack of ..rotten eggs.LOL..More than he wanted to be your partner.

So enjoy your life ,your choices,your new adventures old and new friends and your loving family.The world is a huge place and you are too special and too good to rot away in that putrid Ostrich Nest.



2Tired4Drama's picture

"Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it.” -- Louisa May Alcott

Couldn't say it any better myself.  My best wishes that your new-found freedom will lighten your soul and keep your feet moving towards the destiny you've dreamed of.

fairyo's picture

Thanks everyone- one year ago I could never have imagined doing what I'm doing now. I just didn't think it was possible- I thought I was meant to be with him and in that place for ever. Now the fact that I may be fully liberated is just beginning to sink in...I can't undo the past nine years and wouldn't want to-the first seven of them were fun, full of optimism and love and adventure. I will never understand what happened, or what sparked his indifference. He seriously underestimated the content of my character, and I over-estimated the content of his. Now he is where he wanted to be: friendless, overweight, unhealthy, and looking at a joyless life with his mediocre family and their self-obession. Unlike other break ups I've experienced I can look back on the good times and smile, but feel only excitement at getting back my life for the reasons you have all stated. I owe so much to the support of strangers here, and hope to share that support with others considering that leap to freedom. 

It is sad, but I feel happy too- so thanks again, and who knows where I'm going but I know the people who really care about me are coming too...