Ms. Unreasonable
Ok, need some advice here.
SD7 will be getting a new bed soon. It is quite a bit larger than her current bed and at this point will not fit in her room. I told her and DH that she will need to go through her toys and chose some that she doesn't play with or is too old for to donate/sell. I've wanted to do this for a while now, but have been putting it off due to busy night schedules.
Well I finally told DH that since we have SD7 tonight, we will clear out the unwanted/unused toys. Oh mylanta!!! Apparently it was 'OK' as long as we were just talking about it but god forbid I actually put the project into motion!
Instead of getting rid of these toys, he wants to just transplant them over to BM's house. I said NO, they will either be sold or donated. If they were something from my childhood (for example, the doll bed my grandfather hand carved), we would put it in the storage closet.
Now, I am not asking her to get rid of everything. Just things she doesn't play with anymore. The kid has a warehouse of toys, most of which she hasn't touched in 1+ years (i.e. the play kitchen).
I can understand wanting to keep certain items as I did with the doll bed (and the mattresses, sheets, blankets for it that my grandmother made), but why in gods name should we have to keep every single item? Or just transplant it to BM's? BM doesn't have room for this stuff either!
This whole situation worries me. DH's mother is a slight hoarder; her bedroom is full of boxes of toys, magazines and crap from her life (much of which is not in good condition). DH has not exhibited any signs until now with SD7's stuff. I don't want SD7 to turn out that way either.
So am I being completely unreasonable for asking DH & SD7 to sell/donate the toys rather than transplant them from one house to the other? Or should I just let them do whatever they want to do?
- Fading's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yeah I think it would be
Yeah I think it would be funny to drop them all off at the BM's house. . .
BEEP BEEP BEEP (dump truck backs up to BM's garage door)
BWA HA HA HA HA!!
I have the same issue
I have the same issue here....he went through some of SD10 stuff and it had never been used. He gave it away, but had to check with her first and offer her money for it. She saves rocks, sticks, clothes, toys, lets just say anthing and he isn't much better. He has boxes and boxes of stuff from when she was born until now...it even includes a huge container of her school work and 'art'. Its obssessive....I mentioned on my first post that he had about 5-6 of her teeth. Gross. Good luck to you....personally I just think its unhealthy and a sickness.
I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being unreasonable, but this is such a grey area, I'd let DH make the final call.
Suggestions, though: maybe you could make a game of it? I know when we donate our toys to the local charity, I always tell my children that we are taking it to the poor boys and girls who don't have much money...and they will be soooo happy to play with their toys. I tell them imagine how much fun the "baby" will have playing with your old toys. But you are a big girl now, and big girls don't play with baby toys. Then I will take her to Walmart and let her pick out one new big girl toy. (I just got rid of like 50 toys, so I figure 1 new one isn't so bad, lol.)
Maybe that might work to help her get over her anxiety. My darter likes thinking of other boys and girls playing with her old toys and she likes getting a new one too.
Sometimes for a few days afterwards, there are a few questions and tears, but then she gets over it.
GG would always want to hold
GG would always want to hold onto the skid's crap as a shrine. I always wanted to move their personal crap back into their room between visits. They had MOUNTAINS of toys that always went back to the BM. The whole (at the time) trailer was probably a toy disposal warehouse.
GG would scold me for moving their crap from all over the house into their room; guess he wanted to be constantly reminded of his "angels" who were PASing out faster than the rotation of your average proton.
Ok, I'm probably gonna get
Ok, I'm probably gonna get flack for this but I'll put it out there anyway. SD has a huge closet in her room and two dressers. She has managed to fill those and the hall closet with junk and clothes. SD hasn't been to our house in oh.... at LEAST six months. And if she does it's for five minutes to try and bum money from DH. So, when I needed room in those closets I took stuff to Goodwill. She had hundreds of jeans so I kept some jeans, nicer clothes and things that I had seen her wear recently. Anything too small, old or that hadn't been worn in awhile was tossed or donated. She still hasn't noticed and I did it while DH was at work so that he wouldn't notice either.
Maybe you could try something similar. Instead of getting rid of them right away, just put them up where she doesn't know. If she doesn't ask for it after a couple of weeks, donate it. If you think that this would still make your DH upset, then just give them to BM like he suggested. It might not be what you'd prefer to do; but at least it clears the toys out of your home.
The biggest issue is a lot of
The biggest issue is a lot of it is BIG stuff. Like a play kitchen, a My First Dollhouse, Little Tikes Rocking Horse, etc. The small stuff I have no issue sending to BM's or finding a new home for but she has so much BIG stuff it is ridiculous. She has 4 bean bag chairs (told her she could keep 1 at our house and 1 at BM's if it is ok with her BM), the My First Dollhouse, Barbie's Dreamhouse, Barbie's Dreamcastle, Barbie's RV, Barbie's airplane, Barbie's beach house, the play kitchen, the play store set up, a table and chairs (which we will keep of course), an ottoman, 2 easels (one is for a smaller child), 2 extra large rubbermaid bins of beanie babies (thanks SIL, SD has never touched these), and more. This doesn't include the essential dresser, bed, mirror. I'm just afraid she and DH are going to start in on the hoarding crap my MIL is shoulder deep in. BM has said she doesn't have the room for it. My personal feeling is they both need to learn to let go.
Oh well, then my plan won't
Oh well, then my plan won't work. Those are definitely noticeable if they're missing. Yeah... your DH needs to let go. What, is he going to play with them if she doesn't?! You need the room, plain and simple. I think you were being reasonable with letting her keep the things she actually DOES play with and donating everything else.
As this is his child he
As this is his child he should make the final call. So I guess the alternative is for him to take the child's pocket money and rent a storage shed somewhere.
Or she doesn't get anything new until the other stuff is passed on.
Do you have a consignment store for gently used kids toys or clothes nearby? She could sell the stuff for pocket money.
But forcing her to 'let go' will only make her dislike you. These are 'her' things and she is somewhat attached to them. They are her possessions. Imagine someone coming through your kitchen cupboards and arbitararily clearing out what that person thinks is unneccessary and not important. I know, I know. It is just kids 'stuff'. But kids 'stuff' is important to her. However if there is no room for a new bed then until everything else is cleared away and stored/sold/donated (you could write off the donations on your taxes and give her the money you are claiming)there is physically no room for her new BIG bed.
8 months after moving into
8 months after moving into our new house, SO finally made SS14 unpack his boxes. I'd have been happier if he just left them alone at that point, as it was obviously stuff he didn't need and would make it easier to haul to the trash. SS started transferring all the crap from the boxes and into trash bags, saying it was trash. SO wouldn't let him put it out with the trash, however, and made him put it in the garage so that he could go through it himself. Now the closet that was packed with nice neat boxes is filled with new crap, not to mention all of the old crap strewn all about the garage