Should I even bother?
I want to try and explain to SD10 that we will not be buying them any gifts that they take to BM's. Like I said in an earlier post it has never been that way, if we buy them gifts we give then at our house and they stay at our house especially since we now live 400 miles away. So should I even try to explain this to SD10 or just drop it? SS14 already gets it. Also should we even bother to send anything IE: Cards etc.. not sure they will even get them.. or just wait til they are here on the 31st for their two week visit.
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What exactly do you have to
What exactly do you have to explain? That he can't take his gifts to BM's house? I'd have his dad explain that to him. I probably wouldn't send a card, but that's just me.
I send a little (very small)
I send a little (very small) care package to the SKids that I like when they aren't here for Christmas day...I send your basic stocking stuffer type stuff...favorite candy, a card/note & a couple of small items...just letting them know that they are missed on the actual day...their actual gifts are given to them when they visit.
As far as gifts staying at your home...your SD is 10 & that's plenty old enough to understand. I'm with Planning on letting your DH take care of explaining it if she tries to take her stuff to her BM's...it should be a simple "no, this stuff is staying here for your next visit" though.
My SS10 refuses to take his
My SS10 refuses to take his stuff to him mom's his words "No way she will take it for herself!"
That is awesome!!! What a
That is awesome!!! What a cutie! I can tell he must be so fun
I would send something but
I would send something but every time we do BM either doesn't give it to them or takes credit for what we send. I hate evil bitch so much!!!!!! }:)
When we lived closer.. about 5 blocks apart.. SD10 would try to sneak stuff to BM's house.. So I had to put a stop to that as well. when we were moving she tried to take almost everything in her room a little at a time. Sad thing is i think she did get away with all of her littlest pet shop's and i'm not going to buy any more!!! if SD10 starts crying about not having them here I will just have to have DH explain to her that she should have not stolen them from our house. is that mean?!?!?
We have been down that road
We have been down that road before and the items never end up back at our home. We get told either they forgot it, lost it or it broke on one occasion BM threw out some of it.
And since they now have to fly back and forth for visits it's hard to pack all the stuff SD10 would want to take. Besides these kids are so spoiled by BM and DH that they want gifts like drum sets, electric guitars and computers. and as far as emailing evil bitch, no thank you every time I try something gets all twisted around to look like I am being a bitch, so I refuse to even communicate with that bitch nor do i have to! So I think not allowing them to take items I spend good money on to evil bitches is the best way to handle it. Or better yet I can just not buy the little darlings anything and we would all be happy
Why not buy extra bits and
Why not buy extra bits and pieces they can take over there? Keep the important (to you) stuff at your place and send them back with the rest of the stuff.
If your SD10 cries about not having those particular toys just say to her.."SD10, I thought you took them all to your mother's place because they didn't get moved here. I unpacked everything and looked for them because I KNOW you love them." And just leave it as that.
I wonder how you can say she 'stole' the toys? Weren't they her toys? I understand though. My SSons would take EVERYTHING back to their mother's place including all the video game stuff. They were carting a big huge bag FULL of stuff back and forth and we lived 50 yds from BM! In the end DH would be DRIVING them back and forth because the bag was so heavy. I let him know I thought this was stupid because they were so close and maybe their mother could buy a system for her place. It turned out she DID have different games and stuff but what would happen if the boys wanted to play a game that was at their Dads? OMG! The world would end! The thing is BM didn't let them bring all their stuff over to our place (this I agreed with her about).
It wasn't until DH experienced Kiddus Interuptus during a rather 'adult' moment that took the wind RIGHT out of his sails that called a halt to the boys HAVING to have every game at their fingertips. They were never more than 4 days away from staying with us anyway.
But if your SD10 took everything over to her mother's place then SHE has to remember to bring it all back, not you replacing it. I am sure she will get the message.
Of course they want to take
Of course they want to take them with them to their primary residence. They are gifts meant for them to play with especially since they live so far away. Chances are they will out grow them before the toys ate even played with two or three times. Why bother buying them gifts?
We have 50/50 custody so they
We have 50/50 custody so they don't have a "primary residence" they spend 1/2 time with us and 1/2 time with BM.
How does 50/50 work if you
How does 50/50 work if you live 400 miles away?
ok let me spell this out....
ok let me spell this out.... we JUST moved a couple of months ago, up until then we had the darlings every other week, well actually I had them every damn day before and after school. So they have already been out here for a week, and are coming back for 2 weeks of their winter break. then they will be back for a week and a half for yet another school break. then we get the 3 months in the summer. then we get another week and 1/2. you see they are out of school about as much as they are in school, so now our "VISITATION" is when they are out of school. but we have JOINT legal and physical custody. And exactly what kind of "toys" do you think two spoiled rotten brats get? I'm going to allow them to take a Xbox 360 on the plane? A drum set?, not talking a "toy" drum set. An electric guitar? a desktop computer?? WTF??? If i didn't trust them to bring this kind of stuff back when they lived a few blocks away what makes you think i'm going to allow them to take it in luggage to be thrown on and off the plane? let alone pay for the extra baggage. no I think the poor dears can live w/o these things since most of it they also have at evil bitches because DH and BM constantly fight for who gives them more! so sorry I wasnt more clear on how much time they actually spend with dad oh and by the way according to our CO she should be paying us CS but we waived it. Yes I have a damn good lawyer!
Yeah in a perfect world their
Yeah in a perfect world their father would find out what is darling children wanted for Christmas and schlep his ass off to the mall to get them said items then wrap them pack them up and mail them. BUT my world is far from perfect and none of that gets done unless I do it. So I guess if I am asked I will just tell his little darlings to ask their father what happened to their Christmas presents this year cuz i'm done with it. That way for the first time in six years he can have the title he has so rightly earned!
Thank you for that! I knew
Thank you for that! I knew coming to this forum would be healthy for me. I feel like I now have people who get me and I feel supported! Thank you again!
WTG!!! at least someone
WTG!!! at least someone agrees with me, I swear I was starting to feel like I was out of line not wanting to get the stuff we buy them trashed! I don't feel it's wrong to set some rules for the children and not let them walk all over us. I don't give a f#@% what BM thinks about it. She can stfu and go f herself for all I care!
That's my feelings on it
That's my feelings on it exactly, if they want that stuff at BM's house then BM can provide it.
I'm of the mindset that when
I'm of the mindset that when a gift is given...you have no control over it. Otherwise, you aren't giving them anything..they are getting loaners for Christmas. I will never "give" my kids a car because i want to be able to remove the right from them. If they lose it, ruin it...their loss...but I can't imagine dictating how a gift is used. If i didn't think they were responsible enough to handle a certain gift..I wouldn't buy it.
Dh tried that with the kids laptops...um, wrong. It's no longer "yours" ...it's theirs. You gave it to them for Christmas....too much control freak stuff there. dh's ex did the same..with clothes and a winter coat..he can't wear it on our days(full custody) because she bought it for him.
BRAVO!!!!!!! Thank god
BRAVO!!!!!!! Thank god someone with a real mind!