soooo, will i pay the price for his past and miss out on what i want???
Just a thought, maybe some of you ladies can tell me what happened for you.. As you know me and BF have been together a little more than a year.. He is finally divorced now.. He always says how unhappy he was with BM/EW and they married for all the wrong reasons (her gettin knocked up after like 2 months of dating) he says how amazing I am, independent, works hard, beautiful, smart, great cook, wonderful with his kids and so on... He always talks about the future.. And where he wants us to move and all these things.. But is he saying this to make me happy? He once said that he and I have been together longer then him and BM were before they got married, and when he asked her to marry him he wasn't even in love with her... So in my mind I feel that we should in the future get married.. Seeing as how I supposedly make him so happy and I'm so good to his kids.. Well I know he just finally had his D finalized from the long process, so its not like I wanna go get married tomorrow.. I said once, that we have been together more then a year, so maybe within the next 3 years... He told me not to give him a time frame.. Which I did not say "we will be married by 2014 or I'm done" I just thru the number out there.. As in my mind I think.. Wow, after 4 years with me you wouldn't wanna get married, but after 2 months with the mega whore u got married??? Am I wrong for feeling hurt? I'm really not mad at all, just hurt.. I feel like he is happy and loves me, but idk if he will ever really marry me. I also told him that since I can't have kids, you could at least marry me.. I mean, its not like if we divorced I'd suck CS out of him like BM or alimony cause I'm too lazy.. No, I work full time.. It just bugs me I guess.. What about you ladies? What happened??
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We dated for a year, lived
We dated for a year, lived together for several, bought a house together and all along were happy as we were, no need to make anything official. We talked about it and neither of us were concerned with getting married. Somewhere along the way he must have decided he needed it. I tend to think it is more of a pride thing, the name, the title, having an official place in someones life. He just needed to come to that on his own. Like your situation, he married before for all the wrong reasons and in a hurry. He wasn't comfortable making that choice quickly again.
This very well might not be
This very well might not be your case, but I won't lie-if I were in this situation, I'd feel like I was being used as a live-in nanny.
correct. this is why i would
correct. this is why i would probably be gone.
Same deal here...I don't ever
Same deal here...I don't ever expect to marry my BF...he tells me that one day he wants to get married just because he thinks I want to hear that but I am not dumb or blind. He told me from the beginnning that he didn't want to get married and I accepted it. He never married Princess' mom either but he married this trashy, nasty, heifer who was uglier than tits on a boar hog. She didn't work...never had a kid with him....and didn't even take care of their home and she is the one he married after a very short time. Go figure men...
I understand he needs time,
I understand he needs time, as I said, I threw out four years lol, and he said he didn't want a time frame.. My thing is he has 3 kids with BM/EW.. And they were married.. BM took that all for granted.. I love BFs kids with all my heart, they are amazing!! But I cannot have kids of my own, and its sad cause I love BF so much and would be so happy in the future if WE could make a child together.. But that can't ever happen, so it hurts.. Then I think the only other dreams us ladies used to have was a wedding.. And oddly, I wouldn't even want a big ta-do wedding.. And I don't need some huge rock on my finger.. I'm a simple girl.. And yes, all I want is him.. But I guess maybe I feel like since I have to miss out on the whole motherhood thing( gettin prego, having the belly, the birth and that bond) I feel like I should at least be able to be married to the man I love.. Get to experience that.. Maybe I sound stupid.. Who knows..
NO way...you are not stupid
NO way...you are not stupid at all... Being married is different than just living together. People can say what they want about it being the same but I still think that there is a level of commitment involved in marriage that is not there in just living together.Being married is actually becoming one with the other person. I would like to have the same last name and to actually "legally" be a part of the family. Sometimes I feel like an outsider because I am not his wife. Just this weekend his daughter made the comment that my son and I were not a part of the family (when asked why she said that, she said because BF and I weren't married).I love this man...more than I ever have loved anyone and I will deal with just being his GF because I know he does love me and I don't want to lose him.
Have you ever considered other options to traditional motherhood? Adoption...surrogacy?
Jojo68, we have discussed
Jojo68, we have discussed adoption.. I had a complete hysterecromy due to having endometeosis so badly, it destroyed my ovaris and tubes.. He actually brought up adoption a few times.. Which I would love to do! BF is 10 yrs older then me.. He said one night " I don't want to adopt a kid before I'm 40, and spend my retirement fund raising him" I was kinda hurt and offended.. Yes, I understand he is older and has 3 kids, but we don't have his kids full time.. I would love to adopt a baby and raise it as "ours".. Mind you he will be 40 in about 6 years.. So... Who knows. I was just hurt. As I said I already have to miss out on being a mom.. I don't get to hear the "hey mom" or "I love you MOM"... Nothing.. And it hurts.. And so many times I watch him with his kids and how good he is with them and how much he loves them, and I so long to have that.. To watch him love and cuddle and play with OUR baby, you know? Its hard. And adoption is NOT cheap... And its a long process. I would like to sit and have a serious talk with BF but I don't know how he would react. During the time of my hysterectomy, he was so caring and supportive! And he said more then once that he wished he could give me a baby, and he was sorry he could not give me that joy. I just had the surgery in january! So I'm emotional due to the menopause lol..fun fun.. And so many times he has asked me to talk to him, but I don't want to hurt him.. I'm so confused at times. Marrying him would be wonderful! I would be so happy. His family loves me, and mine loves him, so no probs there. His SD's, 4 and 6 always ask if I'm their step mom lol, I just say "no, I'm just someone who loves and cares for you!" I know they would be excited.. Ugh idk lol
And Maux, I wouldn't mind if
And Maux, I wouldn't mind if he got me a rock LOL.. But unlike some women, I don't demand it.. I do know BF spent a butt load on BMs ring.. Cause she wanted this and that and "had to have a platinum band" well BM got so fat, and never even wore it!!! Or so she claims that's why, I think its cause she was banging other men and wanted to appear to be single and ugly LOL
Crayon, I get where your
Crayon, I get where your coming from.. I don't know if the last part was for me or jojo.. But if so, when I think of marrying my BF I know from this past year the drama that BM brings, and yes we may all bitch, but most of us are still with that man
going into the relationship I knew it wouldn't be easy, and I admit it has been harder than I ever imagined at times.. But as of late beside times I wanna slap BF in the head, I love him and we are very happy! So I do not think of the skids as baggage necessarily, I love them more so I think cause I cannot have my own kids, the fact that BM will always be around, does suck, but I am not and will not allow BM and her ugly craziness to hold me back from a future I want with BF... And please don't take me as being a bitch, I admire ur advice!
I know...Crayon you have
I know...Crayon you have great advice! You always shoot it straight and that is what it is all about. It's ok to want the dream but be careful that the dream doesn't turn into your worst nightmare....