What does it look like now
It just keeps getting worse. SS15 accused us of abuse saying we don't feed him, we beat him, and don't do enough for him, and wahhhh, wahhhhh, wahhhh. All lies and exagerations. He abuses us. Ever since we picked him up from his mother 3 years ago all he does is cry that we don;t do enough for him. Mind you the BM pawned his electronics for gas money before she dumped him on us.
I hacked his FB and seen that he slanders us non stop to whoever will listen. He is being coached by the BM family on how to mess with us. We can't say or do anything to him or they are giving him orders to call police on us. I am terrified of what is going to happen when he comes back from the BM parents this summer.
He calls, texts, snapchats us from accross the country to upset and harass us every single day. He keeps talking smack about me all day every day to BM family who is just mad because the BM is totally destitute and living on the streets and I stole her life basically, SS won't own that he ever ever does anything wrong and DH recorded him being disrespectful and insinuating DH should get rid of me because we are constantly in this power struggle where he thinks that he is how to say this but has more power than me in our household. He even had the audacity to say that his friends are watching me and that I am not taking care of our family dog properly. My dog is my baby and this town keeps trying to kill my dog. Last night some kid from SS school mows our apt lawn and his parents tell me they are spraying the yard and I go to get dog from outside and they sprayed me with this heavy duty weed killer. Now that whole yard is so covered with poison we should have masks to go outside.
SS even admits to having his friends watch us to see what we are doing and tell him our every move. I know who too I have seen them driving by creepily watching my dog and us. The whole town is like a horror movie of creepers. All they care about here is more kids for their tiny school with a population of 45 students in the whole school.
I am living my life in fear of Stepmonster.
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Oh WOW! That town sounds like
Oh WOW! That town sounds like where my SS lives. Can you guys leave? Transfer jobs? I would die living somewhere like that.
As for SS's actions- print out screenshots of all of that so when the police or CPS shows up you have proof that this is all just angry teenager plotting with BM/BM family.
I would also look into behavioral programs. You are obviously dealing with a lot from him and he is not coping. He needs help and you need a break. Maybe there is something you can send him to over the summer?
Send him to live with BM's
Send him to live with BM's family.
But if not, then DH needs to cut him off from Internet and set some limits. So what if he calls the police. Let him call CPS - what will they do, take him away? YAY! Don't let this kid run your home, take back your power.
Too much power for a kid. Don
Too much power for a kid. Don't be afraid of him. He's bound to sink his own boat if he continues. He wants to call CPS, let's see how he does in the foster system. He wants to blast you on social media, let's see how he does without wifi. He wants to threaten and intimidate you, laugh and follow through with appropriate consequences. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
your right
This is a child. I am losing sleep and hair. What am I doing. I blame Covid 19 if that dum dum factory school was not trying to force me to home school him I would not be getting involved with him at all. He can't even read or write properly. And to stop the circle of trash talk take away the internet which also was inforced due to the home schooling.
You aren't responsible for
You aren't responsible for education of a teenager, the teenager is. If the school is pressuring you, let them know you will be letting SS handle it himself as you are his stepmother and not responsible for him. If he fails out of school, that's on him.
Where is your DH in this? Does he set limits on him?
I would leave my husband
I would leave my husband before I put up with this kind of stress and abuse. That is no way to live.
What is your husband doing to stop this? Does BM's family want SS full time?
Exactly this.
Exactly this.
And move out of that little hell hole of a town. Why are you staying there??
You can limit his internet
You can limit his internet access to certain sites, but I've not had to do that here, so I don't know the details.
Try googling "limit internet usage at home".
Here is one result.
https://smallbusiness.chron.com/use-router-limit-peoples-internet-usage-...
It’s time to disengage
I would not be a sitting duck for SS abuse. It DH kid, let DH deal with it, He can see him outside of your home. He Can stay at a motel with him. No reason for SS to destroy your name.
You need to get nanny cams
You need to get nanny cams installed before that terrorist returns.
I feel like I am in the twighlight zone
Today the texting about more clothes, shoes, and money started up again. When the BM mother took him she said that she did not want any money from us for taking him for a month. I sent huge suitcase full of clothes. Yet all they do is call, text, email about where are his more clothes and shoes. I am like are they nuts? I told DH if they keep texting me I am going to go off. I texted her back to leave me alone about the clothes and shoes. I said if SS15 wanted different/more clothes he should have packed his own suitcase instead of acting like he was. The BM mother goes off on me telling me I am a piece of work and calling me by my first name, which she does not know me, so that is disrespectful. I respond back to ask the BM to get him shoes if what he has is not good enough, it's not like she or they have done anything for him since we got him dumped on us by the grandparents. The BM mother responds that all of his clothes are holey and garbage and they are not. I asked her repeatedly in text to leave me alone about it and she would not. I even said stop harrasing me I am not responsible for him. She would not. Then she texts me she is sending him back on a plane in one day! Like are you kidding me because I did not blow smoke up her arss, she is sending him back. This is about the 3rd time she has threatened to send him back. DH sends her mssge that it is not enough time/notice. Not to mention how messed up is that!? Her response is that BM and BM father are both in hospital in critical care right now and that is why she needs to send him back right now. Like what?! I do not even believe that. Then a little bit ago she texts that the flight was cancelled for day after tomorrow,covid19, after we pleaded with her that it was too soon to send him back. She was adamant that she did not give a hoot and will send him back when she feels like it. Then she tries to act like she is negotiating when to send him back and being nice about keeping him to DH when really it is obvious that he can't be flown due to covid19 and she is stuck with him until later hopefully much much later this summer.
If you can believe this the BM first child who is in his 20's calls me, cusses me out, threatens me, swears at me non-stop, won't let me get a word in just totally screaming swear words at me for about 10 minutes b4 I hang up on him about disrespecing his grandma and how I am responsible for my SS and should do more for him. Tells me I am responsible for him and they are not. I recorded this and after called the police to report them for harrasement and my police won't do anything about it. They did not even return my call. Oh and the brother informed us that SS is suicidal because we treat him so bad. and the Grandma said that she has read SS texts and he was suicidal way b4 they got involved this last month. She is so full of shit, everything they say is to try to exonerate themselves from guilt. He is not even suicidal he is a spoiled brat. I don't thinkg I have ever met a more selfish person as my SS in my life.
Then my DH calls police again and asks what to do and the police is responding get him to a therapist. The SS is telling us he wants to go live in a foster home and we need to get him one. The BM family is psychotic and coaching him on what to do say to lie and manipulate us.
Why the hell are all these
Why the hell are all these calls coming to YOU? Why are YOU getting calls from the school?
News flash, BM isn't the only one foisting responsibility for the kid on to you! Your husband seems to be doing a fine job of that as well.
DH is the nice one
We are a team and I am only trying to help DH but I draw the line at BM family blaming me for the monster that their genetics made.
Supporting vs. interfering
In this area, you and your DH ARE NOT a team. HIS baggage, HIS past mistakes, HIS problem. He SHOULD be protecting you from all this poo. But as long as you offer yourself up and engage with these people, you will be the target. YOU, not your DH.
Being married doesn't mean you have to accept abuse or mistreatment, but women are wired to be more relational and often make the mistake of becoming too involved. If you want peace in your life (and that's an IF because some SMs live for the drama), you'll stop inserting yourself into what is essentially someone else's problem.
Look at it this way: if your DH had a problem at work, would you call his boss? No, you'd offer sympathy and support. Step life works best the same way, especially when dysfunction is present. It just gets messy when we step out of our lane, or when other players aren't handling their responsibilities.
My DH looved having me pick up the sword and handle his baggage for him. It meant he didn't have to deal with it or make any effort. It also caused resentment in me, the skids, and everyone else. So I stopped. I blocked several people, and became suddenly incompetent to handle anything for anyone. If an in law asked me anything, I referred them to my DH, where all of their schemes died due to his apathy. I haven't talked to any of my DH's people in YEARS, and my life is peaceful.
You need to step back from this dysfunction. Your DH will either step up or he won't, but you need to lay down the law with him as to what you will and will not tolerate in your home. That SS is hardbroke, but that's not your business and there's nothing you can do to fix a mess that you didn't make. LET GO, and focus on just being a wife and having a peaceful home. If your DH wants to vent/whine/discuss a baggage issue, listen for ten minutes and then tell him you're sure he'll figure it out.
It will be messy at first, but be consistent in your boundaries and make peace the carrot that you chase. CARVE OUT YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.
I tried
I tried to send SS15 a text pic of our family dog with a caption beneath saying "Got Clothes" as a joke and the grandmother went full on loco to DH texting him a 10 page text about how I am playing psycho games. I was literally trying to joke and communicate with him and they went off. They are sitting there reading his every text listening to our every word and telling him exactly what to say and how to respond. I know this for a fact because I know SS and how he talks and they are manipulating him to just come for me non-stop. Then this wack a doodle calls my DH and we record everything calling me names, threatening me, saying I am childish and immature, that I am psychotic. I am none of these things. I get on the phone with her and SS and tell them to STOP! She does not she proceeds to go on for about 10 more minutes name calling me. I literally broke down crying because it was so viscious. She said I should never have children. It was bad. DH always tries to defend hisself to them and I really don't know why. I want her blocked on our phones. But again if we don't blow smoke up her butt she is sending him back again and now she is threatening to send soscial services with him over clothes, shoes, and money. Then she just complained about clothes, shoes, and money for another 10 minutes, even was trying to get DH to tell her about our finances. I mean at least now I know why that kid is so batshit crazy. What's important in life is NOT, clothes, shoes, and money.
Don't answer their calls and
Don't answer their calls and texts. Block them. If they still get thought somehow anyway, hang up and ignore.
Problem solved.
These people are obviously
These people are obviously High Conflict. Research dealing with HC personality types.
In the meantime, remove yourself from the situation. Block everyone connected to BM, and SS as well. It's unfortunate, but you communicating with him sets the grands off, so leave it to your DH.
sad
I have been austracized by alot of my DH family because of the SK's and blaming me for all of their problems. Like gee it is not because of me but because of their mental mother and their genetics. They act nothing like me umm hello but I am blamed for everything wrong with them. What is sad is now I have my DH family upset with me. It's like I cannot fix this.
there sending him back this week
The BM parents were supposed to be keeping him until mid august but they have been trying to send him back immediately because they don't want to give us the break from him they originally agreed too. They have been trying to fly him back since he left to no avail thanks to Covid 19. The BM parents orchestrated this plan to send him back on a night flight arriving here at midnight knowing it is a work night for us and that it is insidious for us to drive hours to pick him up when we work that morning. A few hours after texting to let us know this. Mind you zero asking us if it is ok time or date or anything. As soon as we get this text from the BM parents we get a text from crazy hose beast mother in town stating that she will be picking him up!!!!!! Just like that with the exclamation points. I don't believe at this point DH has even responded to the texts other than to the BM parents to say FU basically and they basically said FU back. I advised DH that they did this on purpose and to say no and that I guess I won't be able to sleep that night so I can pick that monster up and bring him here when neither of us wants to deal with him any longer.
called police on me
So I figured out their plan...I went to pu SS and I was 15, no 16 minutes late picking him up due to a hail storm. Lo and behold I get a phone call from my local police saying that I abandoned him at the airport. Then I get more absurd texts from the loco grandmother about how he should NEVER be left alone. I mean I agree he probably vandalized the airport in those 15 minutes he was alone. Next morning DH tries to get cell phone from him and he hides it. Later he leaves infroming me 10 people in town want to adopt him and he's leaving. He leaves. That evening DH texts him be home by 7 and he says he's spending the night at friends house. Then yesterday he comes here to shower and change and just starts in on me. Calling me names, telling me what to do, all this nonsense. I tell him I don't want to hear him period. He won't stop so I call police on him. He runs off again telling whole town about me. Now the person who got him the cell phone is asking my DH to come privately talk with her. DH comes to pick me up first. She said she got him the phone to track him to know where he is at all times. Um I am pretty sure that is not her right and she certainly did not have permission from DH to do so. When SS ran away she took over like she is his mother. The entire town is coddling his tantrum and making this way worse than it is. And the BM family is coaching him on disrespecting me to create this mess. The SS is sitting mooching off them playing video games all day and night whilst we suffer the consequences of him. Anywho this woman said that she and another town woman want to take him in until he graduates so that he doesn't get shipped off to a foster home with DSS. What's so frustrating to me is SS and DH hate each other and don't get along and it's all on me. I have been in SS life for just under 3 years and it's all my fault.