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Princesses, princes, daughters and dads: against emotional incest

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 8:59am

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/10/22/princesses-princes-daughters-and-...

Interesting blog about triangulation that can happen between moms, dads and daughters. Just insert stepmom for mom.

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 10:06am

I'm really sorry. ((((stepdown))))

It is hard to acknowledge some of this. I think my SO and his Ex did this to both their kids. I've even brought some of this up to SO trying to show him that this is what his marriage was like (not the blog, but in my own words) and that his daughter is now threatened by me.
Not sure what his take is on it, since he never responded to me.

It has become so obvious to me though that this is what has happened.
And she was a princess. Always had disney stuff, always wanted to dress up. Even had princess bday parties. So gross.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 10:28am

:sick:

Well at least she went public and others can see her behavior.

I think my neighbors (and definitely my mom) got a taste of SD15 a few weeks ago. We were at a neighborhood gathering. She was essentially flirting with her father. Running her hands through her hair and asking if he thought she should get a perm. Would it look good???

I went back home.

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 11:20am

:sick: ...SD11 sits all over her father at family gatherings, hugging him numerous times and telling him she loves him....he rubs his hands up and down her back and strokes her hair...it is much more pronounced when out in public. It sickens me literally.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 11:22am

Thanks for the great article. I know my dad was like that. He used me to get to my mom and it not only damaged my relationship with my truly wonderful mom, it also led me to eventually resent my dad.
I am so incredibly thankful that my Dh is the opposite of that. He has never had any interested in the kids liking him or giving him any reward; he always says it's about them getting it in the long term. THe other night, when talking to pregnant SD18, she was saying how her boyfriend is going to treat the baby like a princess, and how he already was saying that his little girl would not be a tomboy, but rather a real little girl.....which is weird to me......then Sd said that " because , you know, my dad raised me like a ....dude!". And we laughed, because it is kind of true. He never trated her, or mine, as delicate, special little flowers. He never complimented them on being pretty, but rather on their ability to do stuff and accomplish things. I gave him a hard time, sometimes, for never telling them they looked nice or noticing them in that way- now I am so glad. The rest of the world focuses on their physical attributes, it's good to have some men give more value to what they do. Sorry I veered off topic. I get the article and have experienced that first hand, with my dad. I also think that this should not mean we should go out of our way to praise our husbands, just to avoid them resorting to getting their adoration from the girls. DR Laura is not my hero here. Maybe taking the time to really see what our DHs do and let them know we notice, but not just for the sake of it to prevent the emotional incest that might result if we don't.

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

Submitted by dispiritedstepm... on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 2:55pm

i share your feelings. SD13 is beginning to look more and more like BM. in fact the other night, SD13 was at the kitchen sink (cleaning only 1 friggin cup for HER to use) and she was dressed in animal print pj pants, an oversized tee, and had her dark hair up very messy....i had to do a double take cause i walked in and saw this and thought it was BM! so yeah, whenever SD13 (when she does give BF the time or day) wrestles and tickle fights with BF, i get sick to my stomach, cause if youre lookin at it through the corner of your eyes, it looks like they are back together, in front of you, a slap in the face....i have to see his past daily, and it hurts cause SD13 delights in the fact that SHE was here before me.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sat, 11/05/2011 - 5:40pm

I agree, way more complicated. However, I think I am one of the few who doesn't see her as BM. I see her as herself, someone who doesn't have a very good personality. Even BM isn't mean to people usually. She's just not very bright. SD can be so mean.

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 11:25am

I think why I have a problem with the display of affection between them is because it is too similiar to way he touches me....father/daughter affection should not be the same as wife/husband affection.

Agent_Lovely's picture

Submitted by Agent_Lovely on Thu, 11/10/2011 - 1:04pm

Ugh i'm so sick of the whole daddy/daughter bullshit.

I used to buy SD boys shirts just so she'd have to walk around in something that would read "Mommy's little helper" "Mommy's angel" "Mommy loves me" "I love my mommy"

}:) }:)

roxy22's picture

Submitted by roxy22 on Thu, 11/10/2011 - 12:59pm

My sd19 is the same way with my DH the day we got married she wanted to spend the night.we didnt go on a honeymoon. I just thought it was weird to even suggest it.she tells him things about how long she waited after she had her son to have sex with her boyfriend. Things like that in my opinion u do not tell your dad