Should the biomom have more rights to the child(ren) than the biodad (given there is no abuse or neglect on either side)?

12% (15 votes)
88% (110 votes)
Total votes: 125
mamaceta's picture

Parental Rights

A parent is a parent no matter what their sex. My ex isn't the best guy out there but he really loves our children. He has made a lot of mistakes and as a result I have the main placement of the kids. However that took him getting incarcerated for over a year in jail. If I as a mom had made the same mistakes he did then I would expect the same to happen to me.

Nymh's picture

Definitely not!

My state judges biased toward the mother where custody is concerned, which I think is BULL. The dad has just as much right to the child as the mother does. I think it's ridiculous how much people (mostly fathers) end up paying in child support when they are just as capable of taking care of the kid as the other parent!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Bobbi's picture

I do not believe there is

I do not believe there is any correlation between gender and the ability to raise a child. I believe that either a mother or a father can be equally capable caregivers. The legal system needs to start deciding on child custody on a case by case basis and not focus so much on gender.

skye22's picture

I agree that mothers and

I agree that mothers and fathers should have equal rights. But as a mother IF our marriage failed, the bottom line is our son is coming with me... end of discussion. Of course I would encourage a good relationship between father and son becasue I understand the imporatance of having BOTH parnets play active roles in the child up bringing. ANd my husband is a GREAT father and that is not conditional on our relationship. ANd I know I'm probably going to get burned for this post but all you mothers out their I'm sure understand. The good thing is I am planning on this NEVER becoming an issue because we are take our marriage vows VERY seriously. Although I do expect rough times but I am very confident that we will and have endured! Plus we are very happy and in love!

Nise's picture

I HATE to even ask this

I HATE to even ask this hypothetically but…would you consider a 50/50 joint custody? or are you adamant that he would have visitation?

Make a GREAT Day!

Make a GREAT Day!

skye22's picture

I'm not sure how I feel

I'm not sure how I feel about 50/50 split. I would agree to joint custody and I beleive that a child and parent should be able to see eachother whenever they want. Some people like my ss mother will only allow what the court order says. I think that is stupid. I agree that a standard visitation schedule should be set up for consistancy but I would have an open door to other times and days. I would probably do some research about other situations with this type of arrangment. I think with small children this may be too much back and forth. However as they get older and better able to accept this type of arrangment, I see no problem in that. At this point I don't know how I feel about 50/50. But I'm not completly opposed either. Like I said I would do some research. Talk with people who have this type of set up and a child psycologist. You know what I mean:)

Candice's picture

This is a tough one..but

I'm sadded by the fact that fathers do not have more rights to their children, and how often fathers end up paying obscene amounts of cs to women who are incapable of providing stable homes for their children.

I do think this is a tough question still due to the age of the child during separation. I think my son (21 months) would have a really difficult time not having me around for certain times (like bedtime or when he is not feeling good). So I think that the age of the child does make a difference on who they should be with more often, however, that doesn't mean I have more rights to determine decisions for health, education or spiritual decision making b/c I'm mom.

skye22's picture

I agree with you candice.

I agree with you candice.

skye22's picture

I think the norm is that

I think the norm is that mothers have custody of children becasue until reciently society labeled mothers are the care giver and fathers as the breadwinners. These types of dynamics don't change over night. And I encourage fathers to step up and insist that they are more than willing and capable of raising their children.

hopeful's picture

no comment

no comment

lovin-life's picture

I feel that as the mom..I am

I feel that as the mom..I am more in tuned to meet the day to day needs of the kids..than my X. Is it just his particular personality or a gender thing? hhhmmmm

For example..He wasn't that in-tune from the time I became pregnant. While married..My idea of being parents is that WE both are responsible for raising the kids...a 50/50 deal. His idea is that I am in charge of seeing thier needs are met, in all regards but I can direct him to take on certain tasks as I see delegate.

He would not clue in....children need to be bathed...on a regular was up to me to say..."you need to give *** a bath tonight". They need vacinations at 2 4 6 months etc..... that's knowledge we both had. Did he ever call the Doctor to book an appointment as their parent? ...nope....

I often told him...that we do not have store information in. We look up the doctors number in a 'telephone book' we do not carry that information in our can do it too!!! If you can follow a blueprint to build an aircraft engine.....why can't you follow a recipe or a class schedule to know when gym day is??? lol Smiling

I have to agree with you hopeful, of the Dad's I know that have custody (only 1) absolutely IS THIER GIRLFREINDS...that are raising the children. Dad 'hangs out with them' but GF takes care of everything else...the day to day stuff, schedules, homework, clean clothes, meals, lunches, shopping, events, play dates...the list goes on. Smiling

It's not that the Dad's don't love them or deserve to spend time with them...and in some cases ..the moms are wacko...and the kids are better off with Dad. They can teach the kids lots of things and do lots of things also... It just wouldn't work in my case..X is and always has been out of touch with the kids...

Take Care
Lovin-life Smiling

goldenlife's picture

Not my experience, lovin' life

Lovin' life, I think some people are just deficient in the life skills department as it sounds like your ex was/is.

Both my ex and my DH are excellent fathers and can do everything I can do (clean, cook, nurture, shop, tutor, activities, pack nutritious lunches, make sure they have everything they need for school, dr. appts., laundry) as well as I can. The only thing they can't do is braid hair!

I would put either of them up against the best of moms any day of the week!

Livin' my life like it's golden!

lovin-life's picture

Ya...your right, goldenlife.

Ya...your right, goldenlife. I do consider my X deficient in that department. And my hubby does do laundry and is an EXCELLANT cook..... He was both mom & dad to his girls...

So I guess it's more just my experience with MY X...tainting my view. I just think of his example and think NO-WAY!! Especially the emotional needs of the kids that he fails to meet....

But unfortunaty it's the Ex's like mine..that tend to ruin it for everyone else as far as promoting stereo-types that a man is less capable than a woman to raise, nurture and meet the needs of children. Smiling

Take Care
Lovin-life Smiling

ItDependsOnWhoYouAsk's picture

You may hate this opinion.....

While there are so many issues to address as far as 50/50 split visitation, I truly believe that my children should be with me.

2 kids, from 2 different marriages.

Dad (Husband #1) lives within 2 miles from me, and always has. We have been divorced since now 17 year old son was 3. I admit, he can do most things better than me regarding cooking, cleaning, food shopping, etc. He is very domesticated. He and my son are very close. However, when "timmy" turned 7 or 8, somewhere around there, my ex married a woman who has made my son's life with his Dad very uncomfortable at times. In retrospect, I feel I was right for persuing full custody with open visitation. I cannot even imagine my son having to feel like a guest in his own home. Since he drives now, he is regaining the closeness he and his Dad once had.

Youngest son from husband #2? Now that's another story. He was a terrible husband. Not to say he is not a loving, adoring father who would put his life on the line for our son. You can actually see the adoration in his eyes everytime he comes pick him up! If only he could hold a job. He has been thrown out of more apartments because of not paying his rent, cannot own a telephone because he stuck Ma Bell with a $5000 unpaid bill from the 1-900 calls he made on his final month of service (4 years ago). He will never again be able to get a loan, unless he goes see "Uncle Tony" down on the water front and pays interest rates out the ass. And even then, knowing him, would end up "floating with fishes".

His lack of responsibility could never allow him to raise a child! Not that he wouldn't want to..... And I actually love him for thinking that he could.....

Now, in reality, the issues I spoke of in the beginning would be as follows:

Distance the parents lived from each other. You cannot raise a child in two seperate homes 50 miles apart and expect to have 50/50 custody. There is school to consider, little league, friends, etc.

My 2nd ex lives 40 miles away. On the most rarest occasions when my son has had to sleep over on a school night, he has had to wake up at 5:30 am to get to school on time. Not good.

Responsibility comes into play in the biggest of ways. Who is more mature to do the correct thing regarding the decisions on raising this child. More importantly, who would admit they are not best qualified?

So I guess what I am trying to say is that every situation is different. I can tell you that both Dad's are included in every decision regarding their children. No matter what the situation is calling for. My eldest said his stepmom had a fit when I was considering medication for ADD. I was so afraid to mention it to ex. My son told me that they bombarded him with their fears. When I finally did fill him in, he was all for the idea. Would I have went ahead and put him on meds, knowing it was right, yet knowing ex was against it? Probably not...

Anyway, thank you all for being here!