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Pictures... Thoughts?

Haloangel's picture

I've ALWAYS been a big picture person. I take pictures of every event in my life and since sd has been in it, she has been in a lot of my pictures!! Love her to death and she loves me (dh says she's obsessed with me lol). Anyway I watch tons of kids and parents always ask me to put up pictures of their kids because I take such good pictures.
Bm has a big problem with me putting up pics of sd (not a safety issue, she just doesn't like it). All my pics are private to only a few good friends but she flips out if my new profile picture is ever a pic of sd. Says she's going to take dh to court of he doesn't tell me to stop taking pictures of her child. Her reason for me to stop? She told dh "what will people think?"

Thatonegirl's picture

Block her, and ignore. Take the pictures. You're not sending them to perverts, she's just insecure. I'm a huge picture person, and I actually received a new professional camera from SO to take pictures of SS. His family loves seeing them and I enjoy having something to hang on the walls for SO and to give/show to SS when he's older. You're probably in the same place, and you shouldn't be punished for wanting to have photos of someone in your life that you care about.

Haloangel's picture

She's actually blocked me (she posts nasty stuff about me) but she's obsessed to a point where she has friends look up my profile and there's no way to make profile pictures private. And I completely agree!! When I have kids with dh, will I tell sd, "hey, can you move aside because I'm only gonna take pics of MY kids." No I wouldn't do that, so I'm not going to do that now. And I love having pictures of myself from my childhood as memories and my dh loves having pictures of his family hanging up on our walls! Yes we have taken professional family pics. As my dh sees it, im his wife, sd is our daughter whether bio or step, why cant we take pics together? I've never rubbed them in her face which she says I do, she just searches so hard so she can find something, anything.

WTHDISUF's picture

I think I have to see this same as Old Dart this time. The child is a bit young for this and no reason for her to ever be your Profile pic. That would seem purposeful to me like "look, I have your Ex and your Daughter". Come on, even if that's NOT your intent, you know how that could be perceived through the eyes of pain. The baby is not a source of competition and no reason to treat her as if she's your own or leading anyone to think she is, by putting up so many pics. That is her baby and she does have some say at that young age as to whether her kid is plastered all over social media. If DH is not doing it, I honestly don't think you should be either, even if that's your hobby. A picture of the group during significant moments here or there is one thing but excessively--not a good idea in my humble opinion.

You may be number 1 in the Dad's eyes but the child is not solely his so you can't disregard the Mom's thoughts on it. If her Dad wanted it stopped, something tells me this post wouldn't be here as you'd stop even if you didn't understand why, right? Smile As stepparents we have to --whenever it keeps peace and causes us no pain-- create a respectful environment with the other parent. I can't stand the wildebeest in my life but I do respect that her brat is her brat and I don't do anything with him that she doesn't like. (Including giving him back to her!) Lol I'm just saying, don't create an environment for the child that as she grows up she is stuck trying to like or not like you due to toxic relationship between you and her Mom. She Will have her first allegiance to Mom, no matter what is happening now while she's a baby. So try to back off -it won't hurt you any, will it?

That said, everyone seems a bit too dismissive about safety. I'm a little weirded out by parents overexposing their kids on social media as it is. I can look at my friends pages and by pictures and captions alone, know their child's age, their school, some of their teachers names, their nicknames, hobbies and activities. I know when school conferences are. Sometimes I can even tell the routines if the facebooker posts all the time. Oversharing means they are innocently telling too many details about their lives. If I can surmise that, who else can? No such thing really as Private on any website that's owned by someone else and/or subject to being hacked. I'm so glad my child was grown before FB became the "yay look at me" showcase it has become.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I believe she can take you to court. This is a minor child. There are all kinds of new legal things happening with Facebook and other social networking sites. I am amazed at some of the pictures and things people post that are NOT private.

I really cannot blame the BM. It is her child, and if you do not have her permission, do not do it. I know you do not have bad intentions, but this is really up to BM.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

I don't really know. I know cases are going to court over Facebook-I have seen it happen several times in the past couple of years in my area-not like this situation, it was more of what was said on there.

I imagine the father does have a say, but I think the BM may have a right to say she does not want her child on someone else's FB page. I guess it depends on the laws where they are.

PeanutandSons's picture

Seems like you are just "poking the bear" on this one. If the only picture she can see on FB is you profile picture (which you can make private) then why make that ONE picture your SD? Take all the pictures you want for Dh, and for your walls. Just not your profile picture. Is that such a hard request? Why make such a problem between you/dh and bm over something so stupid?

I do find it odd that you would have someone else's baby as your profile picture anyways.