Its Been a Long TIme
Hi All - It has been a long time since I took time to write, but nothing was going on for a while and life has been pretty content because my boyfriend's daughter has not returned. The latest development concerns her. My boyfriend moved his life from a city where he loved living to the school district where his exwife wanted his daughter to attend this better school district and she couldn't afford to sell her house and move to the school district. That was three years ago - it wasn't what he wanted, but he did it "for his daughter". He moved to the same apartment complex I lived in with my daughter... We since purchased a home in the school district together. He received a phone call from the school district and had to go to the school to discuss residency. The school district has apparently been investigating whether the daughter lives with us within the school district or with her mother and discovered that she is never at our house (if you read previous blog entries you will know why she is never at our home). Now the school district wants her to live with us or leave the district. The exwife now wants my boyfriend to give up custody (he has legal custody of his daughter) to her grandmother (who also lives within the school district). He is seriously considering this - He wanted my opinion, but I do not believe it is a choice I can help him make the only thing I did say was that he should really think about the consequences - his ex will use it against him with his daughter to poison her mind further (if that is possible - see your father doesn't care about you, he gave up custody...). My only other issue was that if she was to start living with us, he would have to have his daughter learn that she cannot conduct herself in the manner that she has in the past - unruly, disrespectful, disruptive, etc. and that I would insist that she attend psychological counseling and possibly behavior modification. I really dread the thought of having her come back to our home and cause the problems she has caused in the past. Any suggestions as to how I should handle this - I love my boyfriend and know he is having a tough time but his daughter (16) truly doesn't care about anyone except herself, is never remorseful when she hurts others and never has been disciplined by either parent (they both give in and treat her like she is 2 and blame her misbehavior on her ADD - please!).
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I am not sure what I would do..
Thank the lord I have never been in your shoes and I will have to go back and read everything. But wow.. I do not think getting her into extensive counseling is asking to much.. I think you are trying to save your relationship at the same time of trying to reach out and do the right thing for this little girl (maybe not little). I think that her bio mom sounds like she should never have been able to give birth. Trust me I have a sister who is in her 40's now and has given birth 7 times and is only raising 2 of the 7. So I have very strong feelings about mom's who do not do there parental duty. Anyways. I think you should tell you BF not to give up custody. Because like you said if he does his daughter who sounds like she already has issues, will only end up with more.. I think she needs a lot of stability. And apprently where she is she has none.. Maybe I am wrong in everything I just said because I have not read any of your blogs.. I will though. Good luck.. As a mom could you ever imagine asking your ex or yourself giving up custody of your child? I could not.. Ever..
smcpaw....
This is just my opinion...I would find another school that does allow district exceptions. Why ruin the custody issue all because of the school she attends???? I would not give up custody of my child for any reason. I believe most of the schools are good (whether public or private schools), and even though the school is the best school, it is up to the child whether or not he/she is successful in the future....school is just a tool, the hard work & dedication is instilled in the person. Find another school that is in between both homes if can.