TheOtherMom's picture

Dealing With BM Who Creates An Alternate Reality?

How do you deal with a BM who has others convinced that she is an Excellent Mother?

He took her to court to have her pay child support (she was never paying it before) and several people sent him emails calling him a "Monster" who was "trying to ruin a poor woman" and deprive her of her children.

She left SS11 and SS13 (who were SS2 and SS4 at the time) at his mother's house while he was deployed and then never came back for them. Three years later, when the kids are able to talk, she shows up and acts like nothing happened, wanting her kids back. He got primary custody and sued for abandonment but the judge said "I just can't believe a mother would do that to her children" which is very naive if you ask me. Must have been a new judge.

Anyway, here we are, several years later, DH takes her to court to get child support mostly because SS13's braces are expensive and he is sick of her calling him and saying "I am a good mother" so he makes her demonstrate some of the responsibilities of being a good parent. Like taking care of them.

I wouldn't have cared until recently when she started having others gang up on DH.

Got it. He is a grown up. He can defend himself. It's the lies that are driving me nuts.

The way I rationalized this is that she is either lying to people OR these people can't put two and two together and see that the kids were with him for the first 5 years of their lives.'s picture

You have to just let it go.

You have to just let it go. There is no telling what my exh told people in our small town. Not to mention others there with nothing to talk about, so they just make stuff up. I've learned the only thing you can do is accept the truth and not worry about the people who aren't concerned about the truth.

What would you do if you heard something about a friend? Would you go to that friend and let them know, to find out the truth? Or would you just believe it and avoid them? If someone believes something that's not good, they aren't and never were a friend. The only people you need to waste your time with are the ones who come to you seeking the truth. Let the rest go.

silver ring's picture

Denial...that's the word.

Denial...that's the word. And, probably, some mental/emotional issues.
My stepson's biological mother is the same.The boy lives with my husband and myself full-time. She sees the boy from time to time when it is convenient for her. She does not enforce any rules, any discipline, ruins all our work. But yet she is the best mommy in the world. She is in a total denial by choice. When I hear the crap" it is so hard to be a single mother" from her, I just want to scream. What the hell single mother is she? She ain't even able to deal with the kid. She parents out of guilt.
I tell everybody that knows her how lousy of a parent she is.
Anyway...let it go. You will not change anything. Let her be delusional like that. It is her problem. People will see in the end who the real parent/s is/are.
But I would not allow her to bad mouth your husband. He is not with her anymore.