I think your last sentence says a lot about the situation--that you dont want to hurt him and break his heart. Granted, unless someone's a sociopath, that's rarely what we're after. But what about you? Is not breaking his heart worth feeling deep down that you've settled? Is not hurting him worth being tied to another woman's kid and ex the rest of your life and most every aspect of your life being in at least some way controlled by third parties over whom you have no control? I think you know what you want to do, but are afraid to rip the bandaid off. It's understandable. I am a SM of sd 10 and my husband is great, things have been HARD, but when we dated, i can honestly say I never wondered if it was the right thing. It just was. My mom always said whenever I'd ask her "how do you know when he's the one?", she'd say, "If you have ask yourself if he's the one, then he's not. When he's the ONE you just know it and that's that." She was spot on when i finally met my dh and while like i said marriage has been hard, I never debated about marrying him...it was what i wanted the second i met him-literally.

You know in your heart the answer to the question you've posed here. I just hope for you, you have the strength to put yourself first b/c at the end of it all, we only have one relatively short life and we gotta take it by the horns and make it count. It's YOUR life; live it!
Good luck Tasha!

You don't have to like you step son but you have to respect the fact that it is his bio son. Children often enjoy spending time alone with their bio parents so you should take that time to enjoy get togethers with your family and friends. He is only 10yrs old and since you have never experienced having a bio child it is difficult to understand the stages kids go thru. They change constantly from one year to the next.....he may turn out to be a wonderful young man who's company you enjoy. His father does love him and want to spend time with him and those are nice qualities in the man you love. Would you want a man who didn't want his kids. That would not speak highly of him. Respect the fact that his son is important to him and will continue to be a priority for the next 10 yrs or more. If you can't respect that, and find a way around this situation, then you should find someone without a child, as this has been a problem for you in the past and your BF also deserves someone who can accomodate his relationship with his child.

It sounds to me like you are imposing pressure and stress where there doesn't need to be any.

Is there a reason, after dating for 1 year, that you are so pressed to get married? Or why this has suddenly become such an enormous issue?

Is there something wrong with BM, or changes in the future that would impact his custody time with his son? If not, EOW and 2 hrs on Wednesdays is not a terrible amount of time. If you can't handle, or don't want to be around his kid, then don't. Make other plans when the skid is going to be around. Your relationship can and will survive these small breaks, and you may find them beneficial for your own personal well-being (alone time for you, bonding time with you and your bioson, etc).

Whenever a child is with the 'new' parent there is some adjustment period. My GD spends her time 50/50 between her parents and the first night is always fraught with tears and grizzling. Kids are resilient but they need time to adjust. Consider if you had to jump between 2 offices for work. Each time you arrive at the other office you need a little time to settle in. And 2 hrs on Wednesday is not enough time for the boy to unpack your bookbag/backpack unless his parents live across the hall from each other. This is just totally unfair on both the father and his son.

This being said, they are a double deal. If you cannot stand the child, walk away. SO may be the love of your life but in the event of his ex's demise he will be taking on his son 24/7. And from the sounds of things this is your worst fear.

When I left behind my life in another country and moved here I had no choice but to work out hw to deal with DHs kids. Nice enough but with extreme lack of manners. Things like not holding the door open for adults. Not helping bring in the shopping from the car. The catch was either I worked out how to make it work for me without trying to 'take over' the parent role or I walked away. Seeing 'walking away' meant a LOT of paperwork and expense and as DH was on the same page as me, I stayed.

See, if SO sees his son as perfectly OK and completely normal then you have no hope. He already has this baggage or responsibility. How would you feel if SO said he cannot live with your son and he drives him crazy? You want your DH to give up on his son and pretend he doesn't exist and start all over again with you. What if he wanted the same thing of you? Could you walk away from your son? Then why should SO?

I think you need to find the good qualities in the boy. Work out how to make this situation work for you. And cultivate a friendship with one fo his female relatives who sees eye to eye with you re the behaviour/attitude of Mr10.

I had an ally in my MIL who backed me up 100% on my expectations of her grandsons.

How would you feel if you BF decided he doesn't want your son around?

How often does your son stay at his dad's house?