need concrete advice SD12 and BS10
hi, hubby and i started counseling (after i gave him an ultimatum "either you engage on this or you leave"). for the last 6 years i have been educating , raising and taking care 24/7 of my BS 10 and HIS daughter 12...while working full time. i dont need to go into details about how terrible that was for every body or how much i aged in these last years...BAD times.
we now started theraphy and the counselor said -what i knew his was going to say- that hubby needs to take total control over his daughter and I have to step aside...well the counselor said a lot more but it can be boiled down to that. hubby has to do discipline, rules, care, haircut, dentist appointments, etc...the whole thing.
Now, I know and you know that he does not know how to do it because I did it for 6 years. he mihgt be able to take her ot the dentist but he cant deal with confrontation or long faces or attitute so to avoid dealing with that he will not ask her to clean or to do whatever will end up with a long face...that would be fine if they live alone, or if she is growing without other children around (she will turn out being a brat but who cares, right?). my issue is that I have a son growing shoulder to shoulder with this girl and now there will be different rules for the kids in the house. the bad kid doesnt get to do things but the good kid does?
"no my darling, you have to clean your room anyway..she doesnt have to because her dad can deal with the resistance, but becasue you are the good kid, you get to work harder" 
.
i dont know how to deal with that? she can watch TV for 5 hours a day munching on burgers in the couch but you are me will go hiking...:)
help!
can you have a session with
can you have a session with your son and husband. Make sure he knows that there are going to be some changes happening and he is by no means a bad kid because he has stronger rules? That is tough.
Depending on your son's
Depending on your son's maturity level, at this age he may be old enough to understand the situation between his step dad/dad and his step sister. Just keep enforcing that you love him, and that's why you do the things you do. It all boils down to the communication between you and your son. You can't get tired of explaining why SD gets away with everything, and eventually he will understand. Good luck!
We gained custody of SD17
We gained custody of SD17 when she was 8. LOTS of problems with BM...telling SD she didn't have to do one thing at our house. So, since DH wouldn't step up back then, or now, SD17 doesn't do anything, literally anything, to contribute to our household. (Not gonna even go there...b/c this is for you!!)
Recently, my BD7 was asking me to let her help dust and vacuum. SD17 was within range and asked me what her sister had just said. So, I said, "Your sister asked me to teach her how to help clean the house. I think it's important for her to contribute to our house, so she is learning how to clean, starting today." Simple, direct, and perfectly stunning to SD17. Her mouth hit the floor.
But, ya know what?? She wasn't about to be undone by her baby sister. She casually went to her own room, and began to clean it. (She cleans her room about once every 4 months...literally. It's absolutely a health hazard.)
Lesson learned...on my part.
The rules should be enforced
The rules should be enforced by hubby, the consequences carried out by hubby. Could you two make up the rules together? Maybe even write down the general rules and expectations of the children. You know, in case he forgets. LOL