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Cried Myself to Sleep.....

bigblues1981's picture

OK….so last night was not a good night at all….I cried myself to sleep…I’m just so frustrated, mad, but most of all I think it’s just plain Jealousy…and yes I can admit that. BM, SD5 & and soon to be hubby just arrived in Hawaii yesterday they are getting married in two days. Me and BM used to have a horrible relationship but now it’s ok..she deals with me when it comes to SD5..I have no clue why except that her and DH just really don’t like to speak to each other. Well last night she texted me letting me know they made it and were having so much fun..then she said SD5 loves the beach! She wants to live here! And she sent a picture of SD5 in the water playing…and at that moment all my pent up frustrations came out. Why does BM get everything in life I want? I am just at up with jealousy and I can’t get over it. Me and DH both work are butts off 50 sometimes 60 hours a week and still can barely afford food for our family…we don’t ever have any money to go do anything fun with our kids. But BM just got back from a cruise and now they are in Hawaii living the high life…she drives a brand new car…oh and get this she told me the other day that she quit her job because her new DH does not want her to have to work!!! I am tearing up right now just typing this…I have the worst mommy guilt because my kids are in daycare all day everyday while I’m at work..I have to get time up every morning at 5:30 am just to take them there..life is so not fair…we are good people…we ALWAYS pay our child support. I know most will not agree with me but in my opinion if BM remarries and is financially very well off because of her new hubby and does not have to work …gets vacations out the ass…new cars..20,000 dollar ring and so on then our child support should be dropped or at least lowered…in the back of my mind I do understand that DH does have a responsibility to care for his SD5 but come on!! I felt so bad for crying because BD3 was laying right there with me saying mommy don’t cry please don’t cry please be happy..I just want to get over this jealousy feeling but I don’t know how…=(

windee's picture

I understand your jealousy! I too have the same thing! Just about word for word! BM, her hubby, SS12 1/2, and the rest of her kids just went to the Gulf of Mexico and had a TON of fun! They ALWAYS go somewhere (usually without SS) but ALWAYS new close, etc....just like you said! I also agree with you that once the BM gets married the child support should be modified (lowered)!

oceangirl3's picture

I feel your pain. I cried myself to sleep last night as well over stress and pent up resentment. I know it's frustrating watching other people who may not deserve all the good things life has to offer get them. I am currently struggling as well financially. You are not alone.

Auteur's picture

I can relate. The Behemoth and her sugar daddy hubby, the Snuffleupagus, are constantly going on cruises, excursions, out to eat at fancy restaurants, yet they rarely seem to have the three skids and two foster kids that they were allowed to have (why I don't know; the Behemoth is the biggest phone-it-in non-parent free ranger that I know of) with them in tow.

They bought a new house, had it sided (I can't afford siding so that I can re-fi down from my almost 10% interest rate) have a pool and on and on it goes.

We burn wood for heat exclusively b/c we can't afford a heating bill, make all our food from scratch, bake, sew, can, freeze, dry, do all our own repairs etc and we have just enough $$ to pay the few bills we have (mortgage and electric/propane for cooktop and generator) etc.

It sucks! GG brings home $200 a week after CS and taxes. $1,000 a month goes out to the Behemoth in CS. Nice!

oneoffour's picture

You pay CS and bide your time. It will come you know. And you will shine in the sun.

So she got a $20K ring? Will it keep her happy when he is off working more so she can continue to stay at home? Just think of it this way ... a diamond ring is only a few million psi's away from a coal ring. Increase the pressure on coal and eventually it will turn into a diamond.

What if she wants to return to work in 5 yrs to 'fulfill herself'? She has spent 5 yrs at home with no up-skilling.

And how about her new DH finding someone else? They have no kids and she is left with nothing but the memories of a great lifestyle for a while.

Or worse, he becomes diabled through an illness or accident. All the money in the world will not make it easier for her.

I found out a long time ago that feeling jealous or envious of someone else's good fortune is not worth the tears. Things can change in the blink of an eye. Just keep clipping coupons and price matching (this is my daughter's new hobby. They save at LEAST 50% a week), keep yourself upskilled and keep yourselves healthy and happy. And buy those lottery tickets!

I am sure you deserve a vacation in Hawaii and it was tasteless and rude of her to boast how wonderful it all is when she knows your lot in life is not too wonderful right now.

My best friend since I was 2 got married and would buy custom fitted shoes for her kids. It was nothing to spend $300 on 2 pairs of shoes for her young children. She would buy exclusive brands while I bought generic brand clothing. Although I wouldn't wish bad luck on her eventually their spending ways caught up with them and they lost their house ... for the 2nd time in their marriage.
Meanwhile I remarried, moved halfway across the world and live a comfortable lifestyle.

If you love your husband then you have more than she has. The best man in the world.

herewegoagain's picture

Sorry and I couldn't agree more. I especially believe that if the BM remarries and STOPS working, CS SHOULD BE LOWERED...it is basically saying that mom doesn't have to financially support you but dad does. Heck, if a dad paying cs stopped working and the smom had a lower paying job, the CS would NOT be reduced because the kid is entitled to ALL THE MONEY THEY CAN GET...yet when a BM does the same, it's perfectly ok for the standard of living to be reduced for the skid. In addition, if a BM has enough money to have another kid, she should NEVER be allowed another CS increase. If a dad paying CS has other kids, 99% of the time the court will say "CS not reduced, you know you had another kid to support", yet when BM has another kid, she is without a doubt reducing the amount of income she spends on the first kid, but nobody seems to care.

By the way, I agree with all the crap they get to do while most of us struggle financially. It WILL end some day. It's not fair because obviously it's not the same to have a stable income when you are older vs. a good income when you are younger and thus can afford to get a cheaper house, etc...because you haven't let 10 or 20 yrs pass...but that's the way it is.

PS - my neighbor who was the regional manager for Sears here (highest income producing Sears in the WORLD!) lived paycheck to paycheck paying CS...he said that he would go by the cruise terminal and think about "some day" he would be there...now he goes on cruises ALL THE TIME...it's just a matter of time.

Disneyfan's picture

Oh no. Heaven help us if BDs are ever able to have CS lowered based on BM's husband's income. That would mean BMs could have CS increased based on BD's wife's income. No thank you. I would be livid if that were to ever happen.

poisonivy's picture

Same here.

I used to feel the same way, but Oneoffour is exactly right. Things can and usually do change quickly. All the lavish gifts, spa days, vacations and expensive cars are things of the past for BM. As I mentioned in a previous blog, her knight-in-shining-ferrari has been federally indicted for trying to defraud the US goverment. He's facing prison and all their assets are on hold. Karma.

IMightBeWicked's picture

You're totally normal! I feel jealous about stuff like that, too. DH pays majority of expenses for SS9 and has since his ex filed to divorce him (because she was cheating on him). She only made $100 less than he did at the time, but the court said he should pay the majority of the expenses even though they have 50/50 custody. If they make nearly equal money and split custody, should't they split the expenses, too? Why does he get the short end of the stick? She now makes more than he does, and he tried to have the support altered to 50/50 even split of all expenses, and the court denied him and made him pay her legal bills. I wish I could tell you it could change, but it won't. Honestly, he needs to watch out because if she and new hubby divorce, he could get hit for more money since she isn't working. The courts are screwy.