PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER
My step daughter was a nice and sweet little girl when i first met her ( 4 months ago) my girlfriend is a single mom. Her daughters biologicial dad was not in her life since she been born. I stepped up to the plate and took the role. i have 3 daughters of my own 8,5 and 3. i have tired everything from just spending one on one time with her, to teaching her how to ride a bike. In the past 3 weeks it has gotten worse with her spitting, hitting, and just ignoring me. and giving dirty looks.i belive she hates me because i am not her dad. Her mom tells me that it is how her kid is but she was never like this me. her mom and i argue about how she acts, but i get no where. i feel it's messing up my relationship with my girlfriend and my kids. lately when i try to talk to her she wants nothing to do with me ( unless i am taking her somewhere or buying her something). i never give up on my kids and i don't won't to give up on her. i do try to put her in the corner and timeouts but she just looks at me and dosent listen. i tell her mom to help but i get no where. also when her mom talks to her or trys to discipline her she just crys or make funny faces and my girlfriend thinks in cute and thats when we start fighting and nothing gets done about it. if anyone can please help me and if you need to know anything else just ask and i will answer thank you.
You did not mention her age.
You did not mention her age. I am by no means and expert but if she is ignoring you right now then ignore her too. Atleast then she will know how it feels. You are giving her all the control responding to her actions. She needs to respond to yours. Do not give her anything or take her anywhere until she changes her behavior. Let her know why your not going to "buy it" or "take" her there. Tell her how you expect her to behave. If sitting in the corner does not work with her then what does? Take away what is important to her if it be tv, games, doll etc etc. Whatever the punishment is it needs to be age appropriate. I honestly do not think she hates you or even dislikes you. Most likely it is her transferring her upset feelings of her father on to you. It will pass, no need to give up. It has only been 4 months.
she is only 4 years old and
she is only 4 years old and she has never met her real dad he thinks as me as her dad and taken things away from her doen't matter bc she says she don't care.i have never was thinking about just not responding to her thanks she just woke up from her nap i ask't her to stop given me the evil look and her mom is sitting right next to me and just let it go then her mom told her to go to her room and she walked in to watch t v. i said something to her to go to her room and she just started crying her mom and me start fighting again. so the kid wins again bc we start fighting and nothing gets done with her acting like this i will not give up or even stop trying i just need help with this bc her moms just don
nothing works with her
nothing works with her nothing bothers her we took away her toys and games for one month when we give them back she said i don't want them just throw them out i never had this problem with any of my 3 kids they even try to tell her to stop she just won't listen
I thought she was about 4
I thought she was about 4 years old. Well some other day at a better time when the kids are not around to hear try to speak with your wife. Let her know how you feel. Don't tell her what she is doing wrong or not doing or should be doing. Let her know you love her (your) daughter. Let her know that it hurts your feelings that the sd makes you feel unwanted. Let her know that your are aware she is only 4 but "we" need to make sure she grows to be respectful of her parents and other adults. If the two of you are going to raise her then you must be a united front. If speaking with your wife only leads to argument then try laughing whenever she gives u a mean look or give her one right back. My skids are older but they ignoring me from time to time and I ignore them when they start asking me for things. I act like I dont hear them and don't look their way. Sometimes I say to the air that I dont hear anyone asking me for favors when they ignored me at chore time or whatever. Give it some time. Just don't let her know she has upset you. And don't let her hear you and mom arguing. Mom is validating her behavior if her argument is that it is okay. When my kids act up I buy myself treats and do not give them any. I let them see it as I eat it. They ask and I say No. I tell them they have been showing bad behavior etc etc and will not reward them with my special treat and add a maniacal laugh too.
thank you luckstep i will try
thank you luckstep i will try and listen to what you have said it makes alot of sence. hopefully it will work.
OK, you are moving far too
OK, you are moving far too fast.
In 4 months this 4 yr old suddenly has a male role model to take over her life. How would you like one of your parents to bring a new partner into your life and preceed to lay down the law about how things will be?
I suspect she is resenting you interferring in her world. Previously there was Miss4 and Mommy. Now this man comes into her world and bosses her around all the time.
I would step waaaay back and watch how the dynamic works between Miss4 and her mother and then decide if you want to continue in this relationship.