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Birthday Party...What would you do?

mom23ms's picture

First of all my SO pays his CP, he pays extras when the kids need something like for sports or activities, and he participates anyway he can. I'm already pissed off that BM just put braces on the FSD without my SO knowing. In their divorce papers it said all medical prodecures would be discussed and a decision would be made 50/50. The SD wanted them (they are for cosmetic) reasons and I have no problem him helping to pay for them. I do have a problem that she did it behind his back and now is giving him his "payment coupons" when all the kid had to do is wait one month and he would have made his half of the payment in full. There was no discussion between BM and SO.

So BM sends a text to SO on Sunday saying that SD's bday is on such and such date at such and such place. Well she scheduled it on a day that he had to work (mind you he works 24 hour shifts so he only works 2 days a week.) She has his monthy schedule...it's not like it changes. So he asked if she could schedule it the day before or another day so he could attend if not he would have to see if he could do a shift swap (which isn't a guarentee.) She flat out said NO. So, a few moments later he gets another text asking if he could help with the Birthday Party. The Birthday Party that he had no say in what-so-ever. He had no say in the date, location, the guest list, party favors, gift bags...NOTTA. It was told to him when and where and she even admitted she knew it was on a day he had to work.

So my question is would you contribute? Or is that what CP is for? I don't know, I have my own biokids but I don't ask my ex for anything extra for things like Bday parties...we split the cost on activities and uniforms. My ex and I have a good relationship but he does his thing and I do mine for things such as Bdays.

VioletsareBlue's picture

Heck no I wouldn't give a dime! Have a small family gathering when you have SD but do not give a dime to this crap.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

"Sorry bm, we just found out about the braces and are already having to budget that out since I am required to pay half. Bday parties are not reuired and right now I have nothing to offer financially. Had I been included in the planning of the party then I could have helped out in person but since it was planned on a day I have to work then I cannot even help physically. Next time you need my help let me know wellnin advance as I have other financial obligations."

My dh pays nothing outside of cs. It opens the doors to having to pay for sports, clothes, and bday parties. So, no I wouldn't feel obligated to help financially at all. Take her out to dinner or somethig when she visits for her bday but if you can't help you can't.

IslandofDreams's picture

Why are you even having joint Bday parties??? If BM and SO can't communicate about anything, why the joint party? Have your own party on the day YOU want and with the friends that Sd invites.

And We tell our SDs that they can invite kids who are NOT invited to BMs party. This way different kids come to the parties.

We have NEVER had a joint Bday party with the BMs. Bad Mojo!

mom23ms's picture

Trust me we ARE NOT having joint birthdays for SD. The BM just has a big set of balls and "thinks" SO will help her out with a party SHE planned. We have absolutely nothing to do with it and didn't even know she was throwin her a Bday party. She just sent a text to him telling him about it and wanting money.

IslandofDreams's picture

I remember the email BM sent us about 3 years ago asking DH why we couldn't have joint Bday parties for SDs. She, of course, blamed me for his refusal since "I have a problem with her. Real mature for a XXyear old woman." This is coming from a woman who suffers from Munchausen Syndrome, because that makes her a GREAT parent! Look at me and how much I care!! GAGGGGG!!!

She said how much she loved my MIL too. Funny, my DH does NOT remember that during their marriage. BM always complained abouthis mom. Funny how facts change to suit the psycho BM. Don't drink the BM koolaid, folks!

I wanted to say ~ No, BM. The reason is we will never have joint parties is because you are a psycho $unt who lives to make other people miserable around you because you will never be happy. And good luck to your 3rd husband (Victim)

Sorry, you struck a nerve! Stick to your guns. Don't open this door. If you do, you will be tapped into other "celebrations" that DH will have to pay for and have no say about for date/time/location/theme. Just have SO tell her that he has decided to celebrate SDs Bday on a day and time that is convienent to him!

purpledaisies's picture

I thought you said on your blog last night he was going to pay her half? Or did he change his mind? I did ask my dh and he said HELL NO he wouldn't pay. I told you last night that is what he would say. I hope that your dh sees that he shouldn't pay for his exes party along with the one is doing for his kid too. So your dh is paying for 2 parties?

mom23ms's picture

Ohhhh yeah my last night blog. Last night was a complete nightmare. My SO said he wouldn't have given her any money but he wanted to "attend." I don't believe for one second if he did in fact go he wouldn't give her a cent. I know I shouldn't tell him what he can and can not do but he WILL NOT go to her party. We aleady had plans for his SD's party and he doesn't "need" to attend both. The Golden Uterus is a complete freakin nutcase if she thinks she is getting one cent if I ever thought he did give her money...he can pack his crap and go play house with her.

Sorry....this crap this woman pulls pisses me off to no end. He still hasn't said "NO to her yet." But that's coming soon...or World War III will start.

purpledaisies's picture

I told my dh that I don;t understand some of these men that even consider giving the bm's money on certain things like this! He totally agreed with me that he would have just said no and been done with it. He would not have said I need to talk about this with my wife. He thinks the less you have to do with bm the better. And the more you say no to crap and the more you stick to the order the better. He said that it makes the bm shut up and leave you alone more than trying to pacify them. the reason is b/c the more you pacify the more they want to be pacified.