The line I use with my s/sons is "Don't speak to my husband like that!" I was waaaay beyond it and the crap. "Don't talk to your father like that" was wasted on them. But damnit he is my husband and NO ONE talks to him like that. Whether his own kids or not.

As for the nutso ex, turn off your phone or unplug the phone from the wall. She gets to call them on their cell phones.

There is no law that says you HAVE to have your phone fully operational in case a crazy ex wife calls your home. Just turn it off for a few hours a day.

She is paranoid you will take her place in their lives. After all, you have their father don't you? BAER! And if they get nasty about your husband, remind them that not only is he YOUR husband they also share 50% of their DNA with him.

PERFECTLY said StepAside

How many of us have thought the same thing?? Our poor husbands are just too sweet and soft-hearted? They just don't want to upset their daughters.

It is lame; they just don't want to parent - at least MINE! He would rather sit on the couch and let the children run the house; being a parent is the hardest unpaid job you will ever have. If you blink - things will get crazy!! It involves checking up on them, following through, making things sure things got done.
My lazy FH just says something (hardly ever) and he thinks his job is done.

Finally last night after SD13 talking so rudely to her dad I said sternly
"I cannot believe your father is allowing you to talk like this."

This way I called her out and hopefully made it clear to dad that I was disappointed.

good luck to you

This gives me much to think about. I am a stepmom to two girls 14, and 12, and a sweet husband who babied them and parented out of guilt over the divorce with their mother. She has poisoned them against us, and they show it every time they are here. I can't stand when they come and can hardly wait for them to leave. They have lied, stolen, hit my kids, and are useless with their brother [we have his, mine, and ours]. Their dad knows his faults and is trying, but it is hard now because we have them every other weekend, that's all. My kids don't like them because they are complete opposites from them and try as I might to have positive family bonding, it ends is either mediocrity or a fight.
So glad I found this sight to realize I am not alone and not an evil monster. Kids actually like me, I am involved with children in many endeavors in the community, and people like my kids. But after a weekend of them being here, I feel like Joan Crawford!
The sad part was, it didn't start out this way. I made every attempt to get to know their mom, bond with the girls, etc. But hubby ticked the mom off one time [[He didn't go help her at her work like he used to, as she works in a barn [oh the jokes, I know, it is a fitting occupation for her!] and he would get to see the girls more. Once we got serious, that ended and she hasn't recovered over having to do her own work apparently ever since!]]and it was downhill from there. That was over 3 years ago and we are not gaining any headway here. The stories I could tell, but suffice it to say they have hit my kids, laughed at our miscarriage, lied to authorities, and stolen property. The mother encourages it all, brainwashes them, and lets them know that they don't need to go to college, or trade school so they don't do well in school, either.
Anyway, I have said too much already!
Thanks for letting me vent!

Your story sounds just like my story, but I only have one step daugther and its about all I can handle! 2 would really be too much! My husband also spoils his daughter to the point she is getting to be a real brat! I have just come to realize I can't do much about it except talk to my husband about the situation. My SD will not listen to me anyway because I am not her mother! So I've just given up on telling her anything, because I will get the bad attitude that I just can't stand! I am just so tired of the disrespect she gives me and my husband! But it is up to him to change it, not me. I love my husband and when she's not around we get along great! But as soon as she comes over its all about her! Well I guess I will just have to live with it to be married to him. And he is so worth being married to, he does love me with all his heart! And I think he is just trying to make up for the time when she's not with us! ( we get her every other weekend too) So I am trying to be more understanding about the situation. We love each other and want to have more kids.

I can give you some really good advice that seemed to kinda work. This is coming from a family counselor that my exSO sees because of the STRESS his daughters put him under. He has three deaughters and the two older ones are HORRIBLE. They curse at him, tell him they hate him, tell him to shut up, throws screaming fits when he won't take them out to a restaurant THEY want. They wished death on him. They now refuse to talk to him or even text him. The only time they ever talked to him or called him (and they live a mile away) is if they want money or a ride.

Anyway, the counselor said to "cut them off." Seriously...these girls are so money driven and he has given so much to them. She suggested that he still of course pay his CS, try to call them and text them, but when it comes to their birthdays and holidays, ONLY give them a card. So for Easter he had a big basket made up for the youngest and he only got the two older ones a card. They were FURIOUS!!!! Now mind you, they won't speak to him and hang up on him when he does call but they had the nerve to come outside to "receive" their Easter stuff. When they saw they only got a card that pissed them off. I know it sounds horrible but my thought is "good."

Now the only downfall is that this might not want them to communicate with him at all. However, he is sick and after his two daughters wished death on him, he quickly changed his tune. And frankly he is "okay" with them not speaking to him or coming around and maybe they will learn to appreciate him and then again maybe not. But if he's okay with it...then so be it.

Kim - every single word of your OP could have been written by me, except the amount of the money pushed BMs way each month, and I did not try to get to know BM as she has a personality disorder - I would strongly recommend you do not, either - and put in place very firm boundaries between you and her.

I have tried to open my eyes somewhat, of my DH - to the fact that his daughters treat him like s**t - and he is starting to see it - (they are both in their 20s now) but it has taken a long time.

You've read my mind Kimmy42!!

My 15 year old stepdaughter treats my husband like crap. The only time he hears from her is when she wants something and he is so darned good to her.

He too works an awful lot and is a great dad. Pays a ton in child support also and has never once missed a payment. Treats her like gold as he pays for all her whims and wants. Google Red so she can watch additional movies, Amazon something or other so she can watch stuff on that too. In addition, whatever those subscriptions don't offer, she buys many MANY movies every month at the cost of $3.45 per movie.

When she wants Jimmy John's, she uses his charge card to pay for it as she has the number. Oftentimes she treats her friend to one also. The last bill was for $27.00 as they also ordered sodas and cookies ($2 a piece..YEESH!!) At least once a week she also order pizza from Pizza Hut at the cost of $17.50 and the last time she ordered; one was also ordered for her brother and his friend. They all decided to order stuffed crust with the bill coming to nearly $40.00!!

She is also horribly careless with her cell phones and has broken many. He has replaced most at the cost of $150 per; as he found some sort of Amazon Blue. Still isn't cheap. The last one she had to buy on her own as he said he would no longer replace them. That one lasted quite a bit but she broke that one too, so he bought her one more for $50. Shortly after that, it was soon broken too. Told him fell off the coffee table and the screen broke.

The only time she communicates with him is when she wants something and his feelings are very hurt. I have been telling him in the past that she's a teenager, hormonal, and sensitive; but she sent him a text several months ago saying that if he cared enough about her, he'd spend more time with her.

He's tried that, but the last time he took an entire week off to spend in a hotel (as they live 4 hours from us), she brought a friend along and paid little attention to him. He ended up taking both her and her friend out to eat while the two of them ended up texting each other the entire time and talked to him little.

I've finally told him to put his foot down as she is taking total advantage of his kindness. He told me he hates to do it as he works so much and has little time to spend with her; but that's no longer the point and that you can't buy a child's love. My opinion was that a little discipline goes a long way and that's what he needs to do, but he worries it will anger her more.

My question to him was, "Are you her Dad or are you her friend?" My feeling is that she's getting to an age where if he doesn't put his foot down now and quit spoiling her to pieces, she's going to turn out to be a real piece of work and will manipulate others the rest of her life. Being I have no children of my own though, what do I know about raising children? I just go on instinct, but told him that if she was my own child, I'd do things a whole lot differently. Does he want her to grow up a spoiled manipulative brat..or does he want to be proud that he raised her right?

He didn't get away with that sort of thing when he was a child and neither did I, and his thoughts regarding other people's children is always different..."What the heck is wrong with that kid? He needs a swift kick in the rear and where the heck are his parents??!"

I guess parenting changes when it's his own? I begged to differ and told him, "Life's tough out there..better raise her right now because your ex isn't going to.." as she babies her to pieces. She manipulates her mom to no end, won't go to school, and claims she'll get back at her if she makes her. She has a horrible attitude right now as some teens do, but that's the time to get tough, as even though they get angry with them now..they'll appreciate it later.

One day he'll regret it..but what do I know? I'm merely the stepmom with no kids of my own.