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Stepson's toast at our wedding

dmt1966's picture

My husband and I were married over the holidays. His son was best man (21 yo) and made a short toast that said, "We were surprised when our dad decided to remarry. We just hope not to be surprised again in another nine months."

We are past child-bearing years and there has been no discussion of children, pregnancy, etc...We have been together for 2.5 years and planning a wedding since this summer. A few guests commented to us later, wondering if the son was nervous, etc.. Others wondered aloud if this was purely disrespectful.

My husband's children (ages 24, 21, and 17) move in and out of their support for us (sometimes yes, sometimes no) and have had difficulty in adjusting to their parents' divorce. My husband is not happy with his son. I believe it was inappropriate but know the life changes are difficult. Would love to hear some outside perspectives. Thank you and happy new year!

helena_brass's picture

Agree completely with Lostinthemadness. Also maybe a mix of all three.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

If your dh was offended then his son was out of line. I know life changes can be tough but come on, hese aren't little kids. They are ADULTS. I'm not saying it isn't hard on them but as adults they can handle their emotions and changes better than a younger child. And yeah, I'd be mad if my ss made that toast at my wedding. Since other people made comments then his comment obviously wasn't meant to be a joke.

purpledaisies's picture

Ok IF this was a joke the guy would have been saying how sorry he is that his joke went that badly! Plus the fact that his dad is mad and he knows him better than you do. So that leads me to believe it was to hurt you both and to let their true feeling show. Your dh needs to have a sit down talk with his kids and put them in their place asap!

caregiver1127's picture

Was the guy who was roasting them the stepchild of the bride probably not - there are times and places for roasting - this was not one of them especially because it sounds as if there has been a rocky road before the wedding!!

thegoodwife's picture

LOL sounds like a dig at dad. At least he didn't pick up a knife and start stabbing your Wedding cake like my ss, who was 12 at the time. like Bill Envall says "here's your sign". Should have seen the forewarning.

caregiver1127's picture

DMT1966 - your stepson is an asshole plain and simple - and I would politely tell him that you plan on spending his Inheritance as quickly as you can - lol

I am sorry that he had to embarrass you on your special day - even if it was meant in jest it really showed you what he thought of you and his father and that is not much - at my wedding my sister gave a great speech but my brother-in-law who was the best man and really did not know my DH well (my DH's friends live far away and most of his family has died) gave an incredible speech that brought a lot of people myself included to tears - it was one of the highlights of my day that my brother-in-law showed he really had gotten to know me and in his speech let everyone know that my DH was perfect for me and that I deserved a good man - you have that one day and now it is marred just a bit by his insensitive nature - I would keep a wide berth of him - he is old enough to know better.

Congratulations and just remember if they are adult skids you did not marry them and you don't have to even be nice to them.

caregiver1127's picture

Blender - I like that - I would also tell him I was pregnant - my DH had a vasectomy 3 years ago but every now and again I around my SS let it slip that we are thinking of having another child - the look on his face is priceless!! }:) }:) }:) }:) }:)

oneoffour's picture

Congrats on your marriage!

It sounds very much like the kind of thing you read online. I bet he googled "Best Man Wedding Speeches" and thought it was the most appropriate in a ham-fisted way. After all, he couldn't say he went to school with his dad or attended college with him. Or served in the military with him. So he picked something about 'Dads'. Inappropriate but at least he called him 'Dad'.

Let it go.

ddakan's picture

Well, at least he attended the wedding, 2 of my skids refused because they wanted him back with BM.

He was probably trying to be funny and it would have been if he hadn't been a skid. You never know what those chit heads are thinking.

Just laugh it off. You got the better deal....marriage with GROWN SKIDS.

God bless your marriage Smile

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

"Dont worry, the only surprises will be on the day our wills are read."

dmt1966's picture

Many thanks for the ideas and suggestions! I am going to be visiting this board often. What a great resource for all of us! Happy new year.

Newimprvmodel's picture

This reminds me of the toast at an ex in laws fancy birthday party in a fancy restaurant. My first husband was of a different faith from me and his cousin gave the toast for his uncle. He toasted something to the effect that you did a great job raising us, we all married in the faith .......
I kicked my husband under the table.....I thought it was insensitive.
So I find that it is not just step situations that can give us angst.

Drac0's picture

I've given many toasts, eulogies and speeches over the years.

I even took a course at college on speeches "Man at the Podium"

Jokes are great ice-breakers and meant to gather people's attention. However jokes should only be used if you are familiar with your audience. Since you took offense to the joke, then obviously your step-son doesn't know you or your husband that well.

momof5_1969's picture

I think that if they have gone in and out of being supportive of your marriage -- it was meant to be a dig at both of you. The comment that they were "surprised" that their dad remarried? Wow -- you were together for 2 1/2 years -- did they think that you were just a "fling"?

It was rude and disrespectful, and his dad (your DH) should tell him inasmuch. Oh sure he'll say "I was just joking" -- but this is what they say so that they can get away with being disrespectful and rude. Don't fall for it.