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AM I EVIL TO FEEL THIS FOR SS?

Is_this_real's picture

:jawdrop:
Ok her is my story i started dating this man that i fell hard for i already had 2 children and i was married in the middle of a divorce Sad my daughter was only 1 week old anyways this man helped me with my 2 children and knew my struggle with there dad he was there from thick thru thin then his mom told him he shouldnt be with a women that already has kids well i was really going thru some rough time one year decided to move away with my children i went overseas we kept in touch he rekindled with his ex and they had a son (my ss) when ss turned 1 month old she put dh out saying that he was not what she wanted she married when ss was 2 months old YES 2 months old.dh flew overseas to see me he stood overseas for abt 4 months thats when i got pregnant with OUR son we came back to the united states and we tried to live the american dream well bm found out that i had a child with him and thats when everything started she send over ss dirty as mud knowing there is no way we will keep him like that so we had to buy him clothes which is ok i kinda felt bad for him not having a stable mother but dh always was there never denied him at all we started to see him more often and we was a great family they all were brothers and sisters until bm found out we got married we didnt see him for 3 years then she got a new man and just popped back up now the child was 5 not even in school no pre-k nothing my son was 4 and going to school he was here for a week came with stinky clothes and dirty we again bought clothes we got smarter and kept the new clothes home and returned him with the clothes he came with being everytime we bought him clothes he never brings it or when bm drops him off bm other son have on the clothes we bought i know grrrrrrrr so 3 months pass we dont see ss we call and nothing we go by her home and she moved we called her bm parents they are both bishops of the church Not my church thank god anyways she the mother of bm does not want to say anything to us on there where abouts so times passes and its a year fast forward ss is 8 we finally got intouch with him things are very different they moved out of state he hates his little brother thats 7 and belongs to me and his dad anyways we paid for a ticket over the summer as soon as he gets here my boys are playing basketball my daughter is in the house they get excited to see him i have never taught my kids hate or to dislike anybody i actually taught them ss is there brother ok moving forward my big guy hugs ss and ss acted like that was not human so my little guy said u want to play basketball ss said yes let me tie my shoe so my son goes i will tie it for u he is very helpful omg y did ss kicked him in the face said opps sorry reflex he was only here 3 minutes ok lets let this one go by this is still new we have not seen him in awhile dont know what his mom has fed him about us fine right ok so they still playing basketball my little guy turns and the basketball flies towards his head and bang there goes my little man on the floor crying he got up said y did u do that to ss he goes oh i missed the hoop now my big guy is getting angry told him dont do that again OK in a snotty voice dh agreed thought that was not cool this is all day one and we have 7 more weeks to go geshhhh so we put all 4 kids in camp and everyday we got notice that ss is very bad and picks on his little brother so they separated them i forgot to say my kids been to this camp before never had any issues anyways so now the dad is kinda feelin bad for ss in a way that he is makin excuses for him and blaming bm well he finally got kicked out of camp and the director stated there is no way he can come back next year he started fights started throwing food and he is only 8 what the hell is going on well dh felt sad he felt everyone was pickin on ss my kids stuck together and made him an outcast which i spoke to my kids about that but they stated he starts and nobody says anything and he gets away with it all so dh started to see that ss was a handful and all the arguements we had over him and his evilness mom never called the entire time he was here at all i even said dont u want to speak to ur mom he said y i c her all the time if u hug him he looks at u as if u have issues i tried to talk to him i get the blank stare i tried to b a mother to him i was treatin him the same way i treated my own i was not working when i bought my kids stuff i used to buy him stuff as well anyways needless to say when he went we bought him new clothes and i was packin all the toys i bought for him he goes oh i dont want that or that or that i was like OK we went out to eat that evening his mom was going to pick him up dh was very sad not that he corrected him at any point because he felt bad for him ss didnt have his dad which i said thats bull cus he has u hell he lives up the damn block who are u kiddin grrrrr anyways bm came and boy this boy jumped out the truck and in bm bf truck all this without sayin a word not even bye no tears no nothing he left we are a family once again UNTIL the holidays are coming again and grandma is pushing for ss to come back for a week not that she took off anytime to take care of him or even help out it was me and my family taking care of him dh was just paying the damn bills i feel it in my heart i know there are going to be lots of issues and now i hate Christmas !!! and to bring in the new year like this will suck royally this boy used to b sweet and respectful and now at only 8 years old gesh what is going on he is so disrespectful oh did i mention when i he got in trouble for hitting his brother in the head with the tv remote control that just flew out his hands i told him to go into the room why did he pee in the vents yes he actually peed in the vents because he wanted his brother to smell it i tried boy i have tried i even said lets get counseling as a family dh stated he is just being a boy and you know how his mother is what the hell does that mean i taught my kids not to have hate in there hearts but y am i feel this way for ss and he is only 8 what can i do i dont want to end the year miserable and bring in the year miserable and dh seems to think its just a phase.
HELP !!

oneoffour's picture

OK, you must be texting because there is not one period in that entire vent. Which makes it very diffcult to read.

This kid is the way he is because his father has pretty much been absent all his life. And now you expect to play happy families? He doesn't LIKE you. He wants his real life back.

I used to get homesick. It was horrible. I would get physically sick. Even with my grandparents who I LOVED I would cry myself to sleep. This oy is the same way. He is used to his mothers crazy arsed life. This is the only life he knows. As nutso as it is this is his reality.

And you come in to PROVE to him you will be a better mother than his real mother? Honey you intentions are wonderful. All good mothers want their stepkids to feel like one of the family.

But in this case your sson isn't one of those kids. What he needs is his father to spend as much time with him as possible and teach him how to behave. He has heard all kinds of crazy crap about you and your husbnad. And as much as you think all the kids are borthers and sisters, they just aren't.

My YSS (17) fits in with my kids just fine. But his older brother? He has NOTHING to do with us. And yes, it makes me and DH very sad. Mr17 is a joy and Mr19 is a shit.

Don't be his mother figure. Act like he is a guest. Don't have him for a week. Let him get used to you all. Have him for Sunday ... 10am-4pm. Don't spend time at home. Let your DH take him out somewhere alone so he gets that one/one time he secretly wants.

I really think you are fighting an uphill battle. And I didn't get the picture until I realised I could be the MILF of the city. My OSS just doesn't like me. He prefers his ice maiden mother who he can manipulate.