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I am a full-time step Mum to a 9 yr old boy with suspected Aspergers and I am at my wits end....

Trymybest83's picture

Hello, I found you whilst googling ''I can't cope with my step child anymore'' and I am so glad I have.

I am a full time stepson so my stepson of 9 yrs, I have been here since he was 3 and he calls me Mummy. He is a very difficult child to bond with as he does not show a lot of emotion or empathy with others and is currently undergoing assessment for Aspergers. He mainly communicates through crying/almost crying and I am at my wits end.

I am on Maternity leave at the moment following the birth of my daughter and I as I worked fulltime before did not realise just how much hard work he is. I do so much for him, I have tried to plan things for almost everyday this holiday but nothing seems to please him. I know its not his fault but that does not stop me feeling so frustrated.

I don't have much support from MIL and my own parents (although try not to show it) find him difficult. Last week he went camping and that was the first break I have had from him in a year. I am so worn out, I did not feel refreshed after the break just resentful of his return, which I feel so guilty about.

When I worked full time I found him hard work but I could work overtime and avoid him - I know how selfish this probably sounds but I am only human - where as now I am his main carer and have no way of getting time out from him. I feel like I am missing out on my baby as he needs so much attention and to be honest I am ready to leave.

Does anyone else have a special needs stepchild & if so do you have any tips on coping with them?

HappyB4's picture

There may be support services for people with special children in your area, especially if you live in a large metropolitan area.

The service that you want is called respid - I'm not sure if I'm spelling it properly. It provides either a person to come to the home & babysit/child sit while the caretaker gets out for a few hours, or programs for the child that do not require the presence of a parent.

There are probably messages boards for parents of special children where you could find more help. I'd try putting in something like "special needs children" and "support services" or "message boards" on a search engine like Google, Goofram, or yahoo search.

Good luck & hang in there.

steptwins's picture

Asbergers! Yeah we did blog on that a few weeks ago. Alot of characteristics applied to one of my steptwins...but DH thinks he's got non-medicated ADD as kid refuses to take meds for ADD. He's very violent & nasty to everyone, esp. when he doesn't get his way but sometimes for no reason.

Trymybest83's picture

I am lucky as my husband also thinks there is something not quite right so thats why he is getting tested.

He can be violent but usually that happens at school, generally he just cries about everything,whether its anger, frustration, sadness, confusion or any negative emotion he just cries.

He gets topics which he is obsessed by; at the moment its ancient egypt and he will talk about the same things 10-15 time a day. Literally just repeating himself over and over again then if I say lets talk about something else he just won't talk. Just goes really quiet as if there is nothing else he can talk about. He also takes everything very literally and gets very confused; the other day I asked him to get some wet wipes from my daughters room whilst I was doing a nappy change 10 minutes later I go upstairs and find him crying holding the wetwipes. I ask him whats wrong and he said he thought I'd be angry as he couldn't find a cupboard in his sisters room, just a wardrobe and the wetwipes were in a box in there not in a cupboard. He's such hard work! I know its not his fault but I have no support from my husbands family and his BM isn't interested in him at all. When we are in public and for examples spills a drink he gets really upset and looks really scared as if he thinks I am going to beat him or something (which I never have obviously) so I get really worried as people who don't know me must think I am abusing him as he can come across as a normal polite little boy until you get to know him. I think it has been made worse by the arrival of my daughter as there has been lots of changes and he HATES change.

I just find him so hard and the way its being diagnosed is taking ages. They have to fill in loads of papaerwork a school, then at home then we have a meeting, then the motions are in place but we are still looking at another 6 months before this is sorted and until then I get no respite or support...