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Parenting Advice pleaseee

wannabesupermom's picture

Submitted by wannabesupermom on Fri, 05/04/2007 - 6:53am

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Parenting Issues

Hello to all,

I'm not a stepmom, but my issue does involve stepparenting and hope that you guys can give me some good advice.

My son is now 8 years old and my husband (stepfather) has been around and helped raising my son ever since he was 1 year old. My son's biological father has never been around or contacted us before.

The relationship between my husband and my son is excellent. Eventhough they look so different from each other and they also have different skin color, but to my son that's his DAD. Now, my problem is that I've never talked to my child about his biological father before and also never had a discussion with him about stepparents. I'm also not certain if my son knows that that's not his real father!!!!!???? Sad Sad

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to hide anything from my son and I want him to know the truth but I just don't know how to.......

Base on their looks, I know that he will know/recognizes eventually (if that's not already the case) that my husband is not his father, but should I pick up the topic and talk to him about the situation or should I just wait until he comes to me with the question? When is the right time to talk to your child about something like that? How old should your child be for this sort of conversation?

Any advice and opinion is greatly appreciated.

goingcrazy's picture

Submitted by goingcrazy on Fri, 05/04/2007 - 10:26am

I feel very strong that the truth is important. Maybe sit you son down and explain that his is his real dad...the dad that has real love for him, the dad that has his heart. It doesn't matter who helped create the child, that is not a parent. He is a special child because God thought he deserved the best dad in the world, so he sent him your husband. I think that the longer you wait, the harder on your child it will be. It is proven that the younger a child is, the more accepting an resilient they are. Try talking with him when things are calm and stress free (if there is such a thing as that Smile ).... If you let him know that he is extra special and that his dad loves him fully and completely, I think he will be okay. Please let me know what happens. I will pray for you to have th strenth to make the decision that is best for your family.

wannabesupermom's picture

Submitted by wannabesupermom on Sat, 05/05/2007 - 3:31am

Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, I think it's about time for me to confront my son with this topic, too. I will definitely keep you updated about our situation, goingcrazy Wink Wink . Again, thank you for your advice and opinion. It really help me out a lot.

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 05/05/2007 - 12:53am

I think I would leave this to your son to come to you. When he's ready, he will start to ask questions, and that would be the appropriate time. I won't confuse him just yet, he already knows that Dad is your husband, biology in this case doesn't matter.

If he were to have alot of issues, questions, than I would sit him down, but for now... let him be who he is, a happy child with his Dad- your husband. That's what's important.

Letting him know that he is extra special, is fine and dandy, but I would wait until he is ready, and you'll know when he's ready- he'll ask questions.

Mocha2001's picture

Submitted by Mocha2001 on Sun, 05/06/2007 - 9:22pm

I have to agree with Anonymous ... when your son is ready, he will come to you. When he is emotionally ready to handle your repsonse, is when he will come to you. Believe me, if your son and husband are of a different race, he probably already knows, but doesn't care because he doesn't know any different.

~ Katrina