How to teach a kid empathy?

Ok people I need some help and so does my SO I think we are both kinda scratching our heads not really sure what to do.

My SS9 is telling a story at the dinner table last night. He said oh Ash I have this really funny story. We were outside playing and my friend teddy threw up and I ran screaming away from him "he threw up he threw up".....SS is just sitting there laughing. SO and I are both looking at him like really. We both said that is not funny SS. I asked why would announce to everyone he got sick and threw up. If you threw up would you want anyone screaming that you got sick and looking at you. What did the other kids do? He said they just stood there. I told him next time you should ask if your friend is ok and than go get a teacher. This was right after lunch so I think just playing too hard and lunch did not sit right.

I have noticed with SS that he thinks it is funny when other get hurt or are in pain of some sort. He seems to lack any empathy at all. So tried to give him an example of something similar happening to him and SS just though it was funny. I remember when he hurt his friend with the bat last year after it was done it did not seem like he really felt bad. Feel like something is missing in this kid that he thinks things are always just funny.

He is a sweet kid and understands things. I have been really sick all week. On v-day he made me card, and it said I hope you feel better soon. He asked the next morning if I was feeling better. He made the card all by himself no one told him to.

I just notice he does not seem to understand sometimes he actions and how he treats others is sometimes not nice. When he use to get mad at the dog he would hit him kinda hard we stopped that but still times. They are animals they still have feelings.

We are at a loss. How do you get a 9 year old to understand that other people have feelings, how do you teach empathy? Is this just being a boy, is this a side effect of being an only child or is there more to it. Please help. I can see this to slowly become a big issue in his future.

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Teaching empathy comes with

Teaching empathy comes with growing gratitude. I find that gratitude brings the greatest measure of happiness.

Understanding for what SS feels grateful will help you understand his reasoning as he grows and having a gratitude jar, where you write down the things for which you are grateful and put them in a jar, is a great exercise. Our family does this and we opened the jar after a year and read them at Christmas dinner. It was great to hear the gratitude of others and how the smallest thing can bring joy.

I can't comment on your SS laughing at his friend for vomiting but little boys can find the strangest things funny, I've heard :)....I suspect your SS is still in the "giggling at body fluid" stage and will outgrow it...

Explain the three stogies.

Explain the three stogies. Slap stick comedy is a thing. I think it's a parents job to teach empathy...but not be too thin skinned

He's 9... He's gonna laugh at

He's 9... He's gonna laugh at barf for a while... ESPECIALLY because if he was running away screaming, he was probably less disgusted and was just trying to be funny. I used to nanny a 9 year old. Same thing for a while there, he honestly just kind of grew out of it.

I've been working on empathy with SD4. A lot of "golden rule" talk. Bringing up past events helps too. Such as if she hits someone: "was she crying? That's because it hurt... Remember when your cousin hit you and you were crying because it hurt? She felt the same way." It's taken a bit, but she's catching on. Less hitting, fewer mean words to other kids, now if we can just get past this temper tantrum phase...

Animals I was SUPER strict on. BM was cruel to theirs so the kids didn't really know appropriate behavior with them... They weren't exactly cruel per say, just didn't punish in correct ways, or would punish them for things that weren't their fault... I pushed the fact they have feelings, and I point out their different personalities. Them being able to realize that they all act differently just like people REALLY helped that. I'm proud to say they now treat ALL animals with respect

He is not really mean to

He is not really mean to other kids but he is not helpful and can get annoyed when other kids slow him down a little. The other day they had a run thing at their school. He came home and said he ran like 20 more laps than all the other kids. SO and I both knew he was lying, I asked so you are telling me the one kids who is tall and plays football and is very active stopped or ran that slow?

SS: Well he did walk
Me: So you ran past him 20 times, you were the only kid to run all that.
SS: yeah
Me: You did not stop to walk at all, you are telling me you ran for the whole 45 minutes.
SS: Well I jogged a little
Me: So now you jogged and did not run the whole time
SS: Well maybe I walked a little too.......Ok fine I only ran like 80. ( This is possibly as it was a lap around half the gym.)
Me: SO why did you lie to us. Did you lie because you wanted to make your friends look bad.
SS: No
Me: Are you happy that your friends ran as many laps as you?
SS: Yes
Me: So why lie?
SS: (sits there staring at me and SO with a very blank look on his face.........)

I hate lying and do not tolerate it at all. I made him write I will not lie 100 times. I said next time it will be 200 and each time after that it will double. He just tries to say things that make him look good and so much better than everyone around him. He needs to learn humility.

They, the undeniable they who

They, the undeniable they who tell us how to parent say that the best way to teach things like empathy is to model that behavior and to talk through how they would feel if he threw up in front of friends and a friend laughed.

That said, my SS is too fing clueless, so I don't even try anymore.

We have tried that, he said

We have tried that, he said he would not like it. Honestly talking to this kid sometimes is like talking to a wall or a zombie. The most blank stare, he blinks and stares and it is like nothing is going on in that head at all.

I really think there is something just a little off about him at times. On top of this he lies to me and my SO about the stupidest stuff that does not even matter and that we do not even care about. Taking stuff away does not work so I made him write out I will not lie 100 times on a piece of paper.

He does not seem to get that his life is different from others, that people think different or feel different than him. I am thinking of Boy Scouts or finding things for him to volunteer for that shows how to be understanding and patient. I grew up learning this out the gate my Bio-dad was legally blind and very involved in the local groups about it. I grew up knowing people with disabilities and just knowing that everyone is different and it is ok. I really want SS to learn that.