someguy327's picture

Looking for a little insight

Hi, I am new to this forum but I seriously need a place to vent. I will start from the beginning with my concern. My GF and I have been dating a while. She has kids and I have kids. My concern is that her youngest BS sleeps in bed with her, well actually with us now. It has been this way since he was born. He is 2yo now and has never really slept apart from her. It becomes a hassle when we go to bed and the little guy is kicking me in the back or chest. Some nights are really tough and I get woken up all through the night by him. That doesn't include the tantrums he throws when he wakes up and can't go back to sleep. I told my GF that I felt it was time for him to sleep in his own room. I just don't feel comfortable sharing my bed with a toddler nor do I think it's appropriate any longer. I've told her this a few times. She hasn't verbally rejected the notion. She actually agreed, but I can tell she is reluctant to let this happen. I understand how this can be difficult for her because she is so used to sleeping with him in the bed. We normally compromise on a lot of things, but I don't see her putting any effort into this. In my previous relationship with my kids BM I made the mistake of letting them sleep in bed with me, now I can see the mistake happening again. My BDs are trained to sleep in their own rooms though I took some time to do that.

Once children get in the bed it's hard to get them out. With my GF pregnant now I want my SS to be able to sleep comfortably in his own room. I know this is a process and doesn't happen overnight. The kid has to be trained to do this and it will certainly be a growing pain for us. But I don't want to start it once the newborn is here. Then it will become another stress or may not get taken care of at all. I really love my SS he is a great kid. I enjoy him and think he is wonderful. He has a great smile and personality. I just feel that it is time for him to make this transition and that adults are better off sleeping separately. I just feel it is healthier in the long run.

I am just looking for some insight. Am I overreacting? Am I being selfish? Am I absolutely right? Or am I completely out of line? I don't know if I should keep pushing this on my GF because I love her but I don't want to come off as overbearing and trying to drive a wedge between her children.


Acratopotes's picture

I'm sorry but you have no

I'm sorry but you have no business sleeping with a strange child in one bed,....

I suggest get a matress in the room, and as soon as he falls asleep move him off the bed.... eventually to his own room.

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

oneoffour's picture

why is there this need to

why is there this need to co-sleep with other men's children? Would you be OK with your exs BF sleeping with your kids? This scenario would send me over the top.

Does this boy have a bed of his own? If so leave her to sleep with her kids while you get a good nights sleep in the boy's bed. Is it ideal? No. But your GF gets more happiness sleeping with her son than sleeping with you.

You have no reason to co-sleep with another mans child. It is morally suspect to say the least. What happens when your baby is born? Is that baby going to be allowed to sleep with you as well?

Move into the boys bedroom. If he is still in a toddler bed buy a full size. Decorate with furnishings the way you want and move into his room. When your GF has a problem with this tell her she has made room in your shared room for her son and he doesn't get 2 rooms in the house.

Or move all the beds into your room and never have personal time for the rest of your lives. Your choice.

beebeel's picture

Did you read the part (the

Did you read the part (the whole post) where he says he doesn't want to sleep with the 2 year old?

Time for some hard boundaries with the gf, guy.

This is bananas.

Acratopotes's picture

hehe I read that part , and

hehe I read that part , and the part where he said it's every night... and the part where he mentioned she's pregnant....

now I hope that she got pregnant in the back of the car, and not with the toddler next to her, or that her toddler was with his Dad at the time, or Grandma

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

oneoffour's picture

I read it. However he says he

I read it. However he says he doesn't want to yet is still there. This isn't a case where the kid sneaks in and voila! OP wakes up and the kid has snuck in between him and his GF (The line from The Proposal comes to mind "It's morning!")This is where he doesn't want to sleep with the boy but continues to do so. So what do YOU think will happen?
Until OP moves into another room at night the minute that little 2 yr old head touches a pillow he will be exactly where he is. Complaining yet the kid is still there.

Move out into another bedroom or bed. Tell GF that there is only room for one man in her bed and it isn't a 2 yr old.

My daughter did the same thing and her 6 yr old comes in every night. I told her this would happen "But he is so little and cute!" Yeah, OK. No he is as tall as an 8 yr old he isn't so little and cute is he?

Cara1128's picture

Yup he needs his own bed. Yup

Yup he needs his own bed.
Yup it will be a growing pain
Go and buy a bed for him. (Both of you)
Tonight he sleeps in his own bed.(with a bedtime routine previously agreed on)

secret's picture

So discuss with her. He's

So discuss with her.

He's kicking you everywhere. You're not sleeping well. You're concerned he will kick her in the stomach.

Just tell her you'd like to have him in his own bed before the baby comes, because you'll both be sleep deprived for weeks before she gives birth, and for months after the baby is born... and you'd rather focus on it now while you're both relatively alert rather than at a time of higher stress, since you'll also be dealing with toddler jealousy.

I purchased the right for authority over your child the minute any of my time, energy or resources was used on their needs.

someguy327's picture

I agree. I just like to pick

I agree. I just like to pick my battles. My GF and I recently moved in together and this has been irking me. She agreed with me but she hasn't been actively pursuing it. Like instead of actually getting another bed for the kids room, she wants to but a new dresser for our room and new sheets etc. Everything else comes before getting the bed. Like she wants to intentionally prolonging it. I wanted to put my foot down about this, I know it's better in the long run, but before I did I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being unreasonable. I just feel its time to be more aggressive about the issue.

Java_Junkie's picture

I'd ask her if she'd like me

I'd ask her if she'd like me to sleep on the couch, because this sleeping arrangement isn't working. If she said yes, I'd do that till she got the kid slept in his room. If it went on much longer, I'd move out.