I have felt all of these feelings before from the irritation to the not wanting to be insensitive. Eventually I had to say something because a relationship can't grow or maintain it's health without a couple having quality time together that is just about the two of them. It isn't selfish to want a little time for just the two of you with no distractions. Unless it's an emergency that Grandma can't take care of then the kid is under somebody else's care and shouldn't NEED to hassle Dad during this time. The squeaky wheel gets the grease girl. If you haven't told your husband that this bothers you he won't know to fix it. I would tell him how you feel and ask him if it would be ok to tell Grandma not to let the kid use the phone so you two can enjoy yourselves. If she kicks up any dust over this idea then a secondary plan might be that the two of you don't take your phones with you on these dates or if your just spending time together at home then you turn them off. Trust me when I tell you that not communicating your needs will eventually cause you to implode or to explode. It isn't healthy to internalize things or bite your tongue when it comes to your needs.

My parents only wanted to hear from us if the house was on fire, blood or broken bones, We dealt with scrapes and small cuts. We dealt with throwing up. We dealt with sibling fights. We dealt with grouchy babysitters (probably because it was 3 against 1 }:) )
But the ONLY time a sitter called was for a fever or clarification. And in those days you had to call the restaurant to get hold of parent.

If you are out with DH tell him you want to make it old-school/retro and cell phones are locked down. If you are at home, same thing. I doubt your SS has ESP and chooses the least convenient time. However DH and SS need to learn that being available 24 does not make you a good parent. If DH makes a fuss about not being available for his son ask him if he trusts his mother to make the right decision. If not you need to find another sitter. Or is he too much for Grandma and she gives him her phone to shut him up for a while?

Or ... }:) when SS calls and you are at home, get up and do something else. Interrupt the mood. Walk away. When DH asks what is wrong just say "Sweetie! Nothing! The interruption made the mood go poof! Lets clean out the garage!"

Turn your phones off.

I would blow my top... oh wait I did blow my top and told SO....

If we are on a date, you leave your effing phone at home, any one can survive for not getting a hold of you for an hour or 2....
he ignored me, thus when we had our date night, and he answered his phone, I would simply get up and walk out...... hell I would start walking home.

He quickly stopped that and will ignore his phone, I do not mind if he brings it with, FIL is very old and since he had a stroke a couple off years ago, I allow the phone and he can only answer if it's MIL .. she usually text, if it's not important he does not reply.... We are the closest of all the family to them, thus if there's a medical issue we are there.

Stop telling grandma mil and ss that you are going on a date.

Tell MIL that SS should not be calling you unless it's an emergency. Tell her not to give SS the phone to say hi. Tell her that you know they will do appropriate activities while they are together and dad can get a detailed report when you return.

SS doesn't have his own phone. MIL takes away unfettered access to hers. Should solve the problem.

Yes, been there, except my SD was 27.

One of the greatest things a therapist did for us was make my husband realize SD's world wouldn't fall apart if he let one call go to voicemail. In fact, it is the natural order for kids to realize as they grow that a parent loves them even when the parent isn't within reach.

I suggest tackling this not on basis of who is calling, but on basis of how rude and divisive it is for him to answer when anyone calls and you're in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted. The therapist said SD was doing it "be constantly present," but it's the person answering the phone who has the power. So forget that it's your SS and just address the issue as if it's anyone - that will take the emotion out of it for him.

My DH took calls from his adult kids all the time when we were on dates. He is just certain that it's an emergency. We live 1000 miles away from them, so I'm not sure what he would actually DO.

I told him how I felt. I got mad. I talked about it in counseling. No change. DH has always been SO AFRAID of upsetting his children, but he was fine with being rude to me and upsetting me. Eventually I go mad enough that I would get up and leave, or if we were having a meal at home I would clear the table (oh, I thought you were finished, honey). It's pretty much stopped now, but DH will occasionally still see it's one of his kids and he asks me if it's ok to answer the phone. My response every time is that I'm not his mother in charge of what he does and doesn't do. He usually DOES answer, but will tell his kid that we're out and he will call them back. It still bugs me and I still think he's being rude, but it's a compromise I can live with.

Talk to your DH about letting the phone go to vm when you are on a date.
I am not always bothered but every obce in a great while I will ask for him to turn phone off.
Ss12 has his own phone and always calls while DH drives. It drives (lol)me nuts that he will pick up while driving highway.

Kids (whether bio or step) need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and adults deserve alone time too so you are not being unreasonable. If your DH can't get on-board with this then stop going on dates with him and instead leave him at home with the skid and head out with your friends.