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Hilarious texts from BM

I love dogs's picture

SD is to be here this evening and BM had a message for DH. Something along the lines of "we need to make sure SD is eating healthier foods because she's getting chunky". DH and I had to LOL because 1) SD does eat healthful foods when she's here and 2) SD is too skinny! She's growing rapidly and is tall and thin like DH.

I think BM is going off the fact that she and her mother are abnormally small and SD can wear BM's old t-shirts. I am much thicker than BM and SD has worn my old clothes too- that doesn't mean she's "chunky". Before you ask, BM had said WAY WORSE to SD so I've no doubt she's confronted her about her physical appearance.

It's also worth mentioning that the only "junk" SD eats here is a toaster strudel or frozen waffles for a convenient weekday breakfast (that child is NOT a morning person). Otherwise, she eats rounded meals here. When asked what she eats at BM's (SD is an extremely picky eater) SD says they eat sonic, McDonald's, Freddy's, frozen pizza, and a variety of other processed junk. DH is a picky eater too so he can't stand fast food or frozen junk. None of us drink soda and SD drinks juice and water. She also loves bananas and apples. DH said he just told BM "ok" but what was she getting at? Surely she knows she's contributing to 75-85% of this, right? BM's narcissism is showing- classicly deflecting self involvement and responsibility.

SD regularly does physical activity with us and loves walking our dogs at the park. BM has never taken SD to the park once. At least that's what SD says. I may as well call BM Aergia #2 because that's what she is. Lucky for her she has good genes. Well, smoking has aged her horribly.

It must be a mom thing because I've heard of many women criticizing their daughter's weight but why? SD is at such a fragile age she doesn't need to be ridiculed and told she's "chunky". My SM also told my stepsister that same thing. My Ssis is 5'3" and VERY busty/ curvy. That doesn't mean she's fat!? Plus SM is letting go of herself too so why does she have the right to tell her daughter that? I always tell SD she's beautiful and encourage her to be active and come out of her shell. I braid her hair and practice other cute hairstyles and always make sure she has a fresh mani/ pedi. DH is very outgoing and BM is the total opposite. SD is afraid to do anything out of her comfort zone for fear of embarrassment or failing but it's all about BM keeping control, don't you know? I really was a "chunky" kid but my parents just encouraged me to be active and make better meal/ snack choices and I eventually lost weight. *Shrugs. Vent over.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Absolute pet peeve of mine!

I honestly believe if kids weren’t exposed to all the “fat” talk and just had some healthy influences they wouldn’t get so self conscious! I remember growing up I NEVER thought of that until my mom said “you’ll never be pretty.” THAT’S when I became self-conscious (obviously still remember it) Someone starts calling a kid fat... They’ll remember that too. But those kind of things aren’t something a kid automatically thinks of! It’s when people start making a deal out of it. Or if they call someone “fat” and the kid sees they look like that person. THAT is when kids start being critical of themselves!

SD9 is LITERALY a twig. BM got obsessed over being “thin” (drugs helped, doubt she’ll put on much now) and SD9 has been self conscious since I got here... even said “mommy said I could get fat if I’m not careful.” LIKE TF?!?! Why do people say this to a kid?!?!

I love dogs's picture

How dare your mother! I was never made fun of for being heavy and always had friends but I was always aware that I wasn't as tiny as my friends and boys didn't really like me until high school (I was also more confident by then).

SD already has self esteem issues so why bring up a non-issue? Just to pick on someone? Sounds like BM alright..

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I survived! Major self-esteem issues growing up... But I survived! Plus I wasn’t fat, was ALWAYS SUPER athletic... Didint put on weight until I had an injury, and all that’s gone again.

Self esteem is rough on a kid! I just don’t think you throw those kinds of things at that. Until others start telling them what “I And is not beautiful” a kid isn’t going to realize as fast. So why bring it up? Kids need to be supported, not degraded. And a focus should be on health rather than size imho.

I love dogs's picture

You're absolutely right! Build UP self esteem with positive solutions, don't complain about an extra pound or two. I'd rather SD be a little more round than too thin!

advice.only2's picture

"It must be a mom thing because I've heard of many women criticizing their daughter's weight"

Hmmm I've never criticized my BD or my SD's weight....so I think the better statement, is some people are just hateful and feel the need to tear others down, I don't think that's exclusive to just BM's.

I love dogs's picture

No, it's not exclusive to BMs but that's where I personally have seen the bulk of criticism come from. I just find it funny BM had to open her big trap because she has NEVER encouraged SD to be involved in any sort of physical activity as she is highly inactive herself.

BethAnne's picture

I am not sure it comes from a place of hate. I think a lot of these women feel that a huge amount of a woman’s worth comes from their appearance. They want their kid to be liked, to be the best version of themselves and to not make the same mistakes that they feel they made themselves. They then try to counter this by warning their daughters (and sons) of the perils of gaining weight and being fat but fail to realize that by doing so they draw attention to the fact, bring down their self esteem and restart a cycle of another woman believing that their appearance is a key part of themselves.

I love dogs's picture

We encourage SD to be presentable and take pride in her appearance. In this case, SD is growing like a weed and no reasonable adult I know would say she was even remotely close to getting too heavy. BM is not very tactful and DH and I feel like she was just needing some extra attention.