fairyo's picture

Just found something out...

DH has gone babysitting his grandkids on his own tonight- I was going to suggest he bring them here but changed my mind- now, I've had a relaxing bath, read my book, given myself a facial and I'm about to do my nails when I took a peek at Facebook- I know I shouldn't...but I haven't checked out OSD's page since Christmas. What did I find out?

That DH is babysitting so OSD and hubby, MSD and partner can all go out with BM and her husband!!! BM's new husband doesn't have any kids of his own and doesn't have anything to do with BM and DH's grandkids, so my DH has to babysit??

I'm sure this happened a couple of years ago and when I found out I went ballistic but DH thought it was ok, he didn't mind. My way of looking at it was would BM babysit so we could all go out together? Not on your nelly she wouldn't- she doesn't even go to OSD's house. I remember realising that DH was just a doormat at the time, but now he's still doing it. What is wrong with this man?

I can never get my head around it- so I'm going to do my nails and have a glass of wine- or two!

MurphysLaw's picture

Fairyo, I’m sure you have

Fairyo, I’m sure you have mentioned it before but how long have you been married/ together?

The epitome of The Guilty Dad Syndrome:
When a father places his child(ren) on his peer level in every way, but at the same time, removes any opportunity for the child(ren) to take responsibility for their own lives.
This syndrome takes many hostages.

fairyo's picture

We've been together over 7

We've been together over 7 years now.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

marblefawn's picture

That would piss me off too. I

That would piss me off too. I get it - to him it's just time with his grandkids and a way to feel relevant to his kids. But how tacky of them and disrespectful to you.

You finished with that bottle yet? Smiling

It's later than you think.

fairyo's picture

Tacky with knobs on- but I'm

Tacky with knobs on- but I'm on my second glass now- I smell and feel gorgeous!

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

sammigirl's picture

What kind of wine? I love

What kind of wine? I love White Zinfandel!

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

fairyo's picture

It was Australian Chardonnay-

It was Australian Chardonnay- not my first choice but it was a good offer! In the end I was a good girl and went to bed after two glasses and wasn't up when DH came home. We haven't talked about it today...

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

sammigirl's picture

Good! Don't ask and if he

Good! Don't ask and if he volunteers information, don't engage in discussion. Change the subject, whatever it takes. This happens still with my DH. I will not discuss their outings with him.

If you just sit silent and do not respond, it works. If you go out of the room for a split moment and then return, it usually breaks the conversation up. Whatever it takes.

Good job!

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

SacrificialLamb's picture

The man's priorities are

The man's priorities are screwed up. He could be home with his wife, but he is out babysitting so his DD can go out with BM? He's got big time guilt issues.

fairyo's picture

Yep- that's all I can think.

Yep- that's all I can think. I don't know if he knew the reason she gave him his babysitting orders when he jumped through her hoop with his tail wagging, but after she put pics on social media of them all having a great time he can't help but see it- and how can he not feel that he has had salt rubbed in his wounds? Or does he want the salt? I sometimes think my DH loves being an idiot.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

momof3smof2's picture

Or he's just enjoying time

Or he's just enjoying time with his grandkids. Personally, I don't spend all of my waking hours with my husband, nor do I want to do so. I have other interests and other people in my life as well.

sammigirl's picture

Wow! Have a bottle of

Wow! Have a bottle of wine!

I would be pissed too, but is it worth the fight? Don't let him know you looked at FB. I understand, I used to look at FB too; I got over it, because I hated the fight and the anger I felt.

Now I don't care. I swear I don't know where his head is?????? Keep disengaged and just find something nice to do each time he pulls this crap and he'll be the only one sitting home. Wow!

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

fairyo's picture

I didn't drink the whole

I didn't drink the whole bottle Sammi- see the post above! In the end I was so relaxed from my pampering that I went to bed early and was reading in bed when DH came in.
You are right about the Facebook thing, if I hadn't have looked it wouldn't have opened up old wounds from the past in which I tried to point out that he was being used but for the sake of a quiet life, (and because at that point I wanted to be at his side and promote a united front to OSD) I would go with him.
I certainly won't discuss it with him at all- after all OSD would love it if she thought we were rowing about her- and he won't say anything to me because he will want to save face.
I think she will either crank up the pressure or he will come to some self-realisation.
Meanwhile we have the day together, it is snowing in Fairyland so we are going to crack on with the decorating- something I really love doing with him.
Hope you are doing ok too and that DH is making progress.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

sammigirl's picture

You are doing marvelous!

You are doing marvelous! Have a great weekend!

I am going to do what I love, when I love, and I'm going to love doing it.

StarsMom's picture

See, I'm a grandma and I

See, I'm a grandma and I would take care of my grandkid no matter what reason a sitter was needed. I will also happily include DH if he wants to be included, but if he doesn't I will go by myself.

Not today, Satan. Not. Today.

It doesn't matter how the mule got stuck in the ditch, let's just help her get out.

fairyo's picture

Yes I'm a grandma too- but my

Yes I'm a grandma too- but my grandkids live too far away for me to babysit very often- in fact a few times a year. If my daughter needs me she will ask politely and if I can go I will- she never demands or expects me to put myself out. My daughter and her husband have no one- they, like I did when my kids were small, have to go out separately. When my kids were little we went out together once a year on our wedding anniversary- that was all.

I don't approve of the way my OSD 'expects' everyone to fall at her feet- she has at least four free regular babysitters and goes out often- my DH went to babysit for her when her twins were only a few weeks old- something I would not have done.

We all have different attitudes to these things and you are right that it is my choice to go along with DH or not and for years I did, we took the grandkids out and even away for weekends-but after being accused of being 'evil' I would not risk it again.

Do you have step-grandchildren? Would you go along even if they were horrible to you and made you feel used? It isn't the same as babysitting your own grandkids, believe me.

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

WTF...REALLY's picture

I would not care. He gets to

I would not care. He gets to spend time with his grandkids.

This is a hill I would let go of.

fairyo's picture

You're right- he'd only seen

You're right- he'd only seen them the day before. Maybe I'm just jealous because my own grandkids live so far away- or maybe I just hate the way OSD tries to control my life still. I need to let her float away on that burning raft to oblivion...

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

WTF...REALLY's picture

Or you can choose to be

Or you can choose to be supportive of your husband and his grandkids. Partner should always wants what’s best for their partner. He loves his grandkids and enjoy spending time with them. If it were me, I would support that.

fairyo's picture

I don't understand how I

I don't understand how I wasn't supportive- he did what his daughter wanted and I didn't stop him- how is that not supportive? He spent time with his grandkids, his daughter went out with her mother, I got to pamper myself and relax- it was win win!

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...

WTF...REALLY's picture

Sorry....I agree you did

Sorry....I agree you did great. What I mean is letting go of it bothering you. Smiling

still learning's picture

Well at least DH is good for

Well at least DH is good for something in OSD's eyes.

When people CAN walk away from you...LET them walk! T.D. Jakes

Goodluck's picture

I am a Granny too. I hate

I am a Granny too. Eye-wink I hate saying that because I do NOT look like my Grandmothers did. LOL

Anyway...Going out to get loaded is NOT on our or my, OK I will babysit list.

Fairy my adult kid is the same way. Polite, never to assume we will babysit, ...There was 1 attempt to pull Grandchild trick "guess you don't want to see your Grandchild' maneuver. WE halted that in it's tracks by saying OK. WE walked and the adult kids jaw was on the floor.

We love love love our Grandchild but to "need (or want) to spend time with them" like some Grandparents say is so foreign to me. WE like to see the Grandchild, GUSH all over the Grandchild and send them back. Oh spoil too IF Mom and Dad approve first.

We travel a lot and most of the Grandparents we meet say the same thing as we do. It's funny.

I am sorry your husband didn't tell you the real deal of babysitting. Personally I do not like when people are not transparent.

If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Glad you had a relaxing evening.

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

Acratopotes's picture

come on Fairyo.... you really

come on Fairyo.... you really want to have dinner with DH and skids? Nope not so why do you worry if DH plays babysitter for Grand kids while his children and BM are having parties Eye-wink yes you thought you would slip that pass me ha.. caught you out, are being angry about something you never want to do.....

you have a relaxing night at home, DH is enjoying watching his grand kids, win win for every one.....

now you book an evening with DH and have a wonderful night out with him, without any brats...

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

fairyo's picture

No! No way I would do that-

No! No way I would do that- we did it once because I thought it was only fair to get 'our turn' but that is way in the past. Maybe I didn't communicate my feelings too well- I was just frustrated that DH never learns- but hey! I didn't go, he did, they went out, it was satisfactory all round. Took my eye off the ball for a while in thinking he could bring the grandkids here- but thank goodness I kicked it right in the back of the net instead! Go me!

Fairy steps are sweet at the start, but you are soon on the road to nowhere...