Your boyfriend is abusive. Things are not going to get better. Run!

You're in a bit of a fix that will be hard to work out. You might have to make some hard decisions.

I'm not sure how you're paying your household bills, but maybe reconsider moving in with him. At least that keeps you from turning into free childcare for a kid that he isn't plan on raising. And if he isn't raising his 9-year-old, I doubt you'll get much help with your own child. But I suspect living apart won't be satisfactory to you with a new baby.

So...he's told you how it's going to be. What about YOU telling HIM how it's going to be? The terms of the arrangement seem to have been dictated by him. Now, before you move in with him and your baby is born, is the time to negotiate, not after. All stepmothers do not assume responsibility for their stepkids' care. That is him feeding you a bunch of BS.

I don't know how old you are, but you have to find your voice and be firm and fair in negotiations. If his kid's care is going to be on you, then you are her primary parent and you must become the disciplinarian. That means he's going to have to bring home the bacon, and if he doesn't even have a car, it doesn't sound like he's bringing home much bacon. Does her school not provide transportation to and from school? At 9 she is old enough to ride a bus or walk. If you live too far from her school for her to ride the bus, then that must be the primary factor of where you move.

I'm not sure how invested you are in this guy, but don't feel like just because you're having his baby you must let him push you around. Get this worked out NOW. Things aren't going to get better when you have a newborn tying you down.

You need to stay away from this user/loser.

One question. What are you getting out of this? Not much by the sound of it. Get away from him.

So, now you know EXACTLY what you will be in for if you stay with him and move in with him. Is that the life you want?

Don't think you can go ahead with your plans and that you can change him or the situation, because you can't. He has shown you who he is (irresponsible and a user) and he has told you what he expects.

You know, deep down, where this is headed, much easier to do it now than after you live together and have the baby.

How sad for this child you’re bringing into the world.

This child is going to witness their father berate and gaslight you, while he uses up all of your reserves. Your money, your time, your emotional well-being. It would take a miracle for him to stop browbeating you when you point out parental inconsistencies.

Being a healthy and happy mom takes being a healthy and happy person.

Don’t marry this person, and DO NOT move in with him. Let him figure out how to get his daughter to and fro himself. He’ll find his way. And if he can’t and lashes out at YOU? Then you should come to terms with being a single parent. I think you and your child will be better off, if you do.

Aside from how in love you think you are, the life he's providing for HIS child is not the life you want for yours. Please, for your sanity and your unborn child's, please do not move in. You are clearly more independent by yourself, than with this guy. Your relationship should help improve and encourage one another , not hinder and degrade. He's a bully and thinks he can dictate your actions/role because of your pregnancy.

I just had my baby 3 months ago. I'm telling you now, having a baby is WAY HARDER than you think. The first two weeks, they don't sleep at night unless you're extremely lucky. Like literally, you're sitting up falling asleep trying to rock them because they don't know what the hell night time means... there's no way in hell you're going to want to get up in the morning and drive some unrelated kid somewhere. I know because I could barely stand to LOOK at SD and I love my stepdaughter!

There's something really, really annoying about unrelated kids when you have a newborn that depends on you for everything. You just want to focus on that newborn. In your case, I would NOT move in with your boyfriend. He's not going to help with the baby anyways. If anything, you'll just be stuck with the 9 year old on top of navigating this new world of having a newborn on top of watching your lazy ass boyfriend relax and do his own thing. You'll be infuriated.

My husband and I get along great and have a pretty good blended family, and even he knows I need to focus on the baby. He handles pretty much everything SD related and lets me choose what I want to be involved in. He wants me to spend quality time with her bonding and he knows that's way more important than me doing all the parenting he doesn't want to do. So I handle the baby, he helps with the baby, and he does whatever older sister (SD) needs.

This is how it needs to be. If your boyfriend can't agree to parent his daughter while you focus on the baby (which he needs to help with, too!) than don't move in.

Oh also... sounds like his daughter will be the lil princess in the house, just sayin' your baby might take a backseat... IE his daughter will be allowed to play rough with the baby, wake the baby up from all naps, etc.

We've seen it before on here... usually from men who treat their daughters better than they treat their girlfriends already.

Dont be "scared". Get firm and direct. Sit down and inform him that there will be established and enforced standards of behavior for all kids in your joint home and most importantly that the two of you are equity life partners and that means that you are both equity parents to any children in the home regardless of kid biology.

He will either participate in the establishment and enforcement of the rules or he can STFU and have your back.

Never forget that as the BM you hold most of the leverage if he fails to step up. You will in all likelihood get custody and he will pay $$$$ in CS. So, he can either step up and be your equity life partner or he can step out with his prior relationship spawn.

Keep in mind that one of your key parental duties is to protect your child from the polluted influence of toxic people... and that includes your SO or the child's half siblings if they are toxic.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby.

Now.... develop some testicular fortitude.

Ghost this loser/user.