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Is this contempt?

I love dogs's picture

BM allowed SD to sleep over on Friday which wasn't COed time. SD had a homework assignment that she needed to do this weekend and called BM yesterday to ask to pick it up and do it with DH. BM said that since SD doesn't have school Monday that she can come over here.

BM told SD that she "agreed" to do the homework there and SD said no such thing but BM was adamant that the homework MUST be done at her house.. Way to knock DH's parenting skills, BM. MOTY right there.

So SD called BM and started being sassy (because BM makes up sh!t as she goes) because there is ZERO reason the homework can't be done with DH. Plus, I'd be more helpful because it's microbiology and I have a medical background. Long story short, BM comes to our house and makes SD go home and grounds her. SD is grounded almost 365 over there. We do not have to ground SD here. I repeat: WE DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SD LIKE BM DOES.

Today is DH's Sunday. He didn't have SD last week and won't have her next week. DH texted BM and asked what SD is doing. BM said that she is grounded. DH asks when SD will come over because we have plans this afternoon and would like her to come. Radio silence.

DH won't get the police involved but will documenting this be contempt? Maybe BM thinks that Friday's sleepover negated DH's Sunday? That still is in violation of the CO, correct?

Comments

mommadukes2015's picture

SS sassed BM in front of me once, and I made clear, our house, her house where ever -if he's in my presence he's to treat adults with respect, be it oober-shit-tastical BM or not. (And if that felt like 'over stepping' she can go shit in a hat because I was backing her up and I made as much clear)

He has NEVER spoken to me like he spoke to her that day and he never will. In part because I don't treat him like BM does and he's even said so himself.

Bottom line is-you have to teach them to be respectful regardless of how we feel about the person they are disrespecting. This skill will come in handybwhen they deal with bosses they dontnlike ornpeoplemthey don't get along with but have to interact with anyway.

SD shouldn't be grounded from DH. That shouldn't count.

I love dogs's picture

I agree completely. BM and SD are hiding from DH that she is getting in trouble in school because DH will rip her ass for it!

I told SD that BM is her mother and she is absolutely stepping out of line by sassing her.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Your husband should be contacting the school himself in finding out how she’s doing. It’s his responsibility to find out and not BMs responsibility to tell him.

It be nice if they worked as a team, but if they don’t, your husband needs to take on just as much responsibility as BM.

Disneyfan's picture

If dad didn't make the effort to drive over abd pick up the kid, then no mom is not in contempt.

Had BM packed the homework to be completed at dad's house, you would be bitching about her being a lazy, useless...

The woman allows dad extra time with the kid and takes on the responsibility of helping her complete the project, and you moan about that.

Mom actually steps up and disciplines the kid for her disrespect/bad behave and you have an issue with that as well.

I swear the more I read, the more you sound like Charlie. Some of the details are changed (the kid's age for example),but the rest is so darn similar.

I love dogs's picture

Why would he drive over there when BM is COed to drop off on his Sundays? So she can call the cops and say that she feels threatened?

And when did I say that it was a problem that SD do her homework here? There was no reason that it HAD to be done with BM.

Livingoutloud's picture

It is the same poster. I thought everyone knew, just kids age is changed

Dovina's picture

Sherlock I think you solved the case. Charlie also had dogs (and all the rest you noticed), makes sense.

twoviewpoints's picture

" SD said no such thing " Biggrin Biggrin

Seriously? Bridge? Try the one in Brooklyn.

When you jot your note for violating visitation on Dad's Sunday, BM is jotting down her note that BM and Dad made a trade for visitation this weekend and Dad took Friday instead of Sunday this weekend. See how that can work? He wrote, she wrote.

Willow2010's picture

Every thing Disney said!!

You are going to drive yourself crazy. Your DH does NOT want full custody of HIS kid. Why do you keep pushing this? Let it go. Stop trying to make BM out to be the big bad wolf at every turn when she clearly is not a terrible person that deserves to lose custody. Especially not to a man that does not even want custody.

lieutenant_dad's picture

This is NOT your job to figure out. If your DH thinks it's contempt, then he needs to file it with his attorney or be the one keeping a record.

I'm with Willow. Your DH doesn't want custody. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love SD or want to spend more time with her, but I don't think he wants 80/20 with BM having EOWE.

BM may not be Grade-A parenting material, but that doesn't mean she is negligent and abusive either. I want to remind you that less than a month ago you and your DH couldn't even afford food for the house and used Christmas gift money for SD to buy it. Before you start throwing stones at BM's house, maybe look into your own lifestyle where a dual-income household with no full-time kids and both adults working lucrative jobs (you constantly pointing out you're in the medical field and DH owning what sounds like a profitable business) can't afford food. THAT is negligence and THAT won't look good in front of a judge.

You have your own issues in your own home to worry about, so stop trying to find and expose the issues at BM's.

momjeans's picture

This is not contempt, given the fact visitation was okayed by your DH and/or you.

That’s the thing with court-ordered visitation. If it’s allowed, then it’s considered to be a thing that was agreed upon between the two parties. It doesn’t matter it wasn’t his weekend. He allowed it. It’s a done deal.

If you guys are hell bent on slipping BM up with a potential contempt charge, you guys need to be more vigilant with enforcing the order and sticking to it - to the T. You cannot okay this stuff, then think you’re going to flip on her in regards to forfeiting her time with SD. It will not hold-up in court, no matter how many times you allow it. No matter how many times you document it.

This is incredibly sad the way SD is caught in the middle of all of this.

Willow2010's picture

Our BM is nowhere near the nightmares that I read about here (withholding medical informatio, false abuse claims) but nonetheless, step life sucks a$$. Thank goodness we only have every other weekend. BM made sure DH didn't get 50/50 short of false abuse allegations. DH is hopeful SD will live with us as a teenager because she "butts heads with BM". The truth is, she is so much like her!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++e
I am so confused.....you wrote this above less than 4 months ago. What changed? Why are you on such a mission to get your skid to live with you now? I feel a little sorry for your BM. You seem to be on a witch hunt for BM and sound like you are coming a little unhinged in this pursuit of her child. To the point you are going to try and have her arrested because people go to her house that are not related and you are asking the child if BM and her DH fight. And to the point that you are causing issues in your marriage over this obsession.

And just 2-3 weeks ago you said that you had no money for food but now you are wanting to take BM to court in 6 months for custody of the skid? Again...so confused.

I am not being mean but you may need to get some help. It feels like this all started when your DH told you that you were jealous of BM.

momjeans's picture

I agree. This borderlines obsessive.

I love dogs, when you first came to ST, your posts were very ‘Our situation isn’t ideal, but it’s a lot better than the rest of your situations.’ Your posts were often very SM Of The Year-ish, and often defensive of your and your DH’s choices.

I cannot speak for others, but I would be very bothered if my spouse was more invested in me having more time/custody of my own biological child than I was.

This is what you’re doing to your DH. I know you say he doesn’t take initiative because he was beat down in court, but he has to be the one to step up if he wants things to be different. Not you. You should really take a step back and examine things.

Thumper's picture

1. Microbiology assignment. What grade is sd ?
2. Why is bm OR dad 'doing homework' with sd, she isn't in 2nd or 3rd grade--or 5th grade, right?

3. Is bm in contempt...doubtful.

4. Taking back time from dad...lesson learned to not do it again Ilovedogs.

5. Grounding her for this...in my opinion is over kill.

6. Dad sounds like he just doesn't care to engage with BM. I don't know the back story. Many dads would have told BM to pound sound and he will drop his daughter off Monday Morning. But since this weekend was NOT part of the court order plan bm had other plans, sent sd to her dads then reneged.

Looks like next time don't ask for changes or don't give changes to the court order.

**NOW if there is something in the court order that specifically states. ALL HOME WORK MUST BE COMPLETED AT MOTHERS HOME...then so be it, but if not. Well she has no authority above dad to be homework police.

Kids especially in Middle School should have established homework habits. Mommy and daddy 'doing home work with" kids is not making the kid be held accountable for Unfinished or incomplete homework. Believe it or not those are valuable lessons to learn too.

Back off dads decisions what ever those decisions are.

FrenchPeas's picture

You think you want to do this and get this kid more. I swear that you do NOT. Stop poking at the woman. In fact, you can’t afford groceries for yourself and your spouse. Much less buy gifts for SD for Christmas. Then you say you want a baby. Another bad idea. You say you need mixed drinks to cope but then things aren’t that bad. Then BM parents but then she’s a drug dealer.

Just calm down and back off. How long have you been married to this guy? Goodness knows you’d do well just to let it go and drop it. Focus on not fighting with your spouse and leave the subject alone.

Livingoutloud's picture

If you two can’t afford groceries and have hard time paying bills you have no need to ask for more time SD unless of course you do it in hope to not pay CS. BM sounds like a decent parent trying to do her best, better parent than DH. I don’t understand what you are trying to accomplish here

PD child that young isn’t taking microbiology

twoviewpoints's picture

I remember when DD was doing funky pathogen/bacteria ect in middle school. project study. They viewed onions and yogurt under microscopes too. Pond water also. Hardly anything requiring the homework supervision of a parent/stepparent to be in any medical field nor a degree. That was the year DD decided to nickname this boy at school "The Walking Pathogen" and one of the girl's in her hallway 'experimented' growing mold on a strawberry and banana in the girl's locker.

They called it science class. Wink

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Why are you enabling the child's disrespect to her mother?

Or you want the kid to provoke the woman?

You seem really happy she "sassed" her mother but now it's wrong that BM disapline the child.

Either way there's something wrong here. Either you don't respect BM as the child's parent or you want BM to harm / abuse the girl.

I'd NEVER encourage SO's kids to be rude to their mother and I'd never defend it.

Let's see 1 way is telling the kids it's ok to be rude to parents if you don't like them or hoping that BM continues to be really mean to them. Either way its the girls actions that are the catalyst.

If BM was really an issue than sassing wouldn't be happening. The girl knows she's gonna go back and you guys don't protect her. She's not gonna be "brave" because she knows how bad she'd get it.