SD and the car fiasco!!!!!
Hello! A newbie here! First off, a little background info on our family. I am a stepmother to SD19 and SS24. My Husband and I adopted a child, she is now 18. I will refer to her as Bio to make it a bit easier. SS24 and I have a decent relationship. He is very reserved. We get along well. SD19 has had me at a distance for sometime. I have tried to bond with this child. When things were not going well with BM I told her we will fix up one of the rooms and she can move into MY home (Had my house before I married husband. He moved in with me). SD19 will not let me into her life at all. I have tried and went out of my way but, nothing seems to work. Ok that is the background, now here is the story:
A couple of years ago, hubby bought a car. We kept his old car and made the agreement to fix it up for BD18 so when she was ready to drive, she would have a car.
This past summer SD19 asked DH for the car. Not for her but, for her BOYFRIEND! Of course DH said yes because anytime SD19 bats her eyes she gets what she wants. Of course I made the argument that we were saving the car like the original agreement. He said we would look for another car for BD.
He tells SD19 he will sell the car to her boyfriend for the price of scrap, which is around 400 dollars, alot less than what the car was really worth. Boyfriend takes the car, didn't give DH any money for it.
Time goes by, no money yet from boyfriend. SD becomes very defensive, saying to keep her out of this. How? It's your boyfriend. Recently, I heard SD and boyfriend were having problems. I saw some cryptic messages on social media from her about trusting people and snakes are everywhere. I noticed she wasn't tagging him in posts. She was constantly tagging him in posts. I told DH I think they have broke up.
DH has tried to call her but no answer. I think she is avoiding him because of this break-up and this car issue.
I am so furious! DH and I got into a huge argument over this yesterday. He said he is angry because of the money. I am upset because we PROMISED my BD this car. Instead, he gave it to a stranger and have nothing to show for it.
I told him he needs to go to her work and get to the bottom of this. I am so angry at him! ARRGGHH!
That’s a bummer your BD won’t
That’s a bummer your BD won’t be getting the car. You knew the ins and out of it, having done repairs and upkeep, so it was a safe choice to give it to SD. And now that will not be happening.
I wonder what kind of legal recourse your DH will have, when it comes to payment or repossession of it. Did he literally just hand it over without any documentation?
SD sounds like a bonafide brat. Be thankful she wants nothing to do with you. She’s doing you a favor.
Is the car legally registered
Is the car legally registered to you still? If so, take it back. If not, cut your losses and let it go.
Is your BD ready for a car yet? If not, wait. If so, sit down with your DH and ask him how he will be financing an equal or better car than what he gave away.
^^^This!!!^^^ If you have no
^^^This!!!^^^ If you have no legal right to possession of the car your only recourse is to sue the BF in Small Claims Court. Get the $400 and put it toward car for BD.
Take advantage of SD's alienation of you. You won't have to put up with the usual Stephell. Believe me - she will be back wanting another favor or money. You can say, "No" without any reservations.
Another thing that needs to be addressed is your DH making unilateral decisions without consulting you first. This got totally out of hand with my DH - please learn from my experience.
sd is an idiot and so are her
sd is an idiot and so are her ex boyfriend and father in their respective ways.
in a way it was good that sd showed her true colours.
boy friend was not a son in law. at least with sil there is some legal commitment to the daughter in most cases.
sd was taken and so was her father.
let this be a lesson to them both. some young women get all stupid with a boyfriend: they want his child, they want to go to work for him, they want to pay his bills, they want to get him a free car. the result is being a single mother with no money, no job prospects, and a baby daddy who wont pay child support.
i agree that plans should be made for bd so she can have a nice car.
If it's still legally your
If it's still legally your DH's, take the car back. If not, it's not really worth the immense stress of doing anything further, IMO, just take the lesson from it (or rather DH should) about giving stuff to SD or her feckless boyfriends.
Going to SD won’t make ant
Going to SD won’t make ant difference.
There isn’t anything she can do about it, even if she wanted to. She could even turn the tables and cry to Daddy about how she was taken advantage of by this guy and DH will end up feeling sorry for her. She’ll come our smelling like a rose.
Cut your losses and move on. However, keep this in your back pocket and the next time SD asks for something remind DH of this incident.
I am not sure if DH is
I am not sure if DH is legally registered to this car or not. After DH decision, I wanted nothing to do with any of the transactions. I am going to ask him if the car is still registered to him and see if there is any legal recourse we may have.
SD has been avoiding him. She does this when the ish hits the fan and she has made a HUGE mistake. She doesn't want confrontation from him so she hides and avoids us.
My life has been centered in helping children. I was a Big sister with Big Bros. Big Sisters for many years. I was Big Sister of the year in my area. I was a foster parent, then I adopted my daughter. For a child to reject me, it really hurts. I am trying to learn to cut my losses with SD. I have to learn I cannot save the world.
If it is still legally
If it is still legally registered to him, just go get it.
Do Not put it off.
Do Not worry about hurting anyone's feelings.
If he's in an accident or the car is stolen or driven drunk there will be repercussions for DH.
Take him to court. Get your
Take him to court. Get your money back.
i was also thinking this way.
i was also thinking this way. well put steprightoff!
the liability issue here is real. fathers of daughters can get incredibly stupid when their little girl is all starry eyed over a boy.
this happened one year at christmas when one sd asked to bring new boyfriend to christmas in our home.
there was a present exchange for the family and all other relatives.
dh got really stupid by buying the boy friend an expensive gift. sd was only dating him for a few months.
a few months after christmas they had broken up.
Who name is the car title in
Who name is the car title in ? If no money was given to DH then the transaction did not happen and he can repor the car
And let boyfriend take him to court, because he did not get a free car !!
THIS^^^^^^ If the car title
THIS^^^^^^ If the car title is in your DH's name he can get it back by notifying the BF in certified mail and can even get the police to help him repo the car, so to speak. If the car was transferred into the boyfriend's name small claims court is the way to go. I trust the OP has some kind of paperwork showing that the price of the car was $400.
OP, this is a lesson. Never sell to any family member (and this was not a family member but that apples to them too) that doesn't pay upfront. A friend sold her car to her sisters son. He was going to make "regular" payments which kept sliding due to his job situation, etc. Finally the car needed work and the nephew told her why should he still pay her for something that isn't running! Yep! Little ingrate.
dealing with family and
dealing with family and friends can get sticky.
my parents used to own a rental duplex and my brother got one of his friends and the wife to rent one of the units. this couple was a duo of losers and eventually could not make rent. they stayed in the home for several months while my brother angrily made excuses for them. "well they dont have the money! do you expect them to pay?!" (they had a $300 monthly cigarette habit.)
um, yes. the couple expect my parents to cut them slack. this was part of my parents retirement income. my brother allowed this friend and his wife to use my parents. then they paid only a portion of the rent and moved out.
no thanks for letting them be squatters. no thanks for extending them credit on the rent. nothing. my brother did not apologise to my parents either. they were infuriated to say the least.
oh and the man tried to shave off some of the rent by doing some electrical repairs. the idiot used masking tape instead of electrical tape. my parents had to hire a profession to un-screw what the tenant did. can you say liability?
How the car is currently
How the car is currently titled is very important. If the car is still in your husband's name and the former boyfriend was just using it, your husband needs to get the car back ASAP. As someone has already mentioned, there is a big liability issue here, especially if your husband is no longer insuring the car. If the title was transferred to SD's former boyfriend, there's nothing your husband or SD can do unless there is documentation with respect to the $400 purchase price which has not been paid (in which case he'd be able to go to small claims court to recover the unpaid purchase price and perhaps interest if specified). Unless your family could easily afford to give away a car that was earmarked for your daughter, your husband is terribly irresponsible. You should be hopeful that he's learned a big lesson from this.
Personally I think the SD
Personally I think the SD needs to take ownership of this and pay what's owed - it was her Boyfriend . I hate the " it's not my fault" attitude so many people have now.
Your DH needs to talk to his kid and find out what's going on.
It would be right for SD to
It would be right for SD to pay, but she probably won't and she's not legally obligated. I'd take the BF to court. Your husband probably won't do that because it would shake up his baby girl's world.
Let all the kids buy their own cars and there won't be any problem - by setting the precedent of giving one a car, the car ended up not even with the wrong daughter, but with someone not even in the family. That is a royal cluster you-know-what.