Aniki's picture

OT - Worst Date

What's the absolute WORST date you've had? Mine was a blind date and I still shudder at the thought!!

I worked with a gal whose brother called her at work and I often answered the phone. He had a GREAT voice and we'd make small talk until she was available. Anyhoo, one day, she said, "Ernest was wondering if you'd like to go out some time." Yes. Ernest. Shoulda said NO straight away! I asked her about Ernest. He was divorced, no kids, and "looks like me, but he's skinnier". She was very pretty and in great shape! I said Yes.

This was back in the 80s and I was TOTALLY into punk rock: black mini skirts, black leather jacket, black leather fingerless gloves, black leather ankle boots, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black wings sprayed in my hair.... But punk rock was my SECRET lifestyle. One friend knew and when we went clubbing, NO ONE knew who I was. It was great!!

Date Night arrived. I dressed in my public persona: pale pink mini skirt, white blouse, oversized pale pink jacket, white nylons, pink ballet flats, hair pulled back and tied with a big pink bow (stop gagging!!!). I'm looking out the window of my apartment, watching for my date. This beat up, dark gray Chevy Nova pulls in and parks. I just KNEW it was my date. The guy who got out was wearing dark gray WORK pants and ~gulp~ a PUMPKIN ORANGE long-sleeved shirt. He was skinny...except for that big ol' beer gut hanging over his belt. Looked like he'd SWALLOWED a biga$$ pumpkin whole. I decided to NOT judge a book by its cover and soldier on. After all, he did have that sexy radio voice...

He opened the car door for me...because he didn't want me to touch the inside of the door and get grease on my hand. Great. I'm wearing white and pale pink. Kudos for that, at least.

We're almost to the restaurant and I finally notice the huge JOINT in his ashtray.

Over salad, he starts talking about his ex-wife. I'd never dated a divorce guy before, so I thought nothing of it. Except that's ALL he talked about...

We'd just ordered dessert and he's STILL talking about his ex. Except now he's talking about how he'd smacked her around a few times because, well, sometimes women just need to be hit. What.The.F*ck.

I downed my drink, wiped my mouth, put down my napkin, said, "Thanks for dinner" and stood up.
"Where are you going??"
"Anywhere away from you."
"Why??"
"Because you're a f*cking A$$HOLE. If you ever hit me, I'd rip your d!ck off and shove it down your throat. Get therapy."

I walked to the bar, used the phone to call my Dad. They let me hang out in the kitchen so Dad could pick me up at the back door.

And can you believe that f*cker was ENAMOURED of me?? Told his sister what a great time he had, what a wonderful gal I was, blah, blah, blah. I liked HER and didn't want to tell her what a POS her brother was (after all, she was higher on the food chain at work and had the potential to be my boss one day...), so I simply told her that there was no spark for me. That ba$stard hounded me until I had to change my phone number.

First and LAST blind date I ever had. Gads!!!


Veritas's picture

Shew, what a mess Aniki!

Shew, what a mess Aniki!

The truth became my defense, my rock, my guide, my freedom...

"Love yourself more..." ~ Echo

Aniki's picture

It was a total mess!!!

It was a total mess!!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Steppedonnomore's picture

My worst date was also a

My worst date was also a blind date. On the way to dinner, he informed me that he was married but that he and his wife had an "agreement". I informed him that I had no such agreement and he could just drop me off back home. The kicker is the person who set us up was MY brother !!!!!

Aniki's picture

Your BROTHER?! Did you kick

Your BROTHER?! Did you kick him?? Sheesh!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Steppedonnomore's picture

I had a few choice words with

I had a few choice words with him for sure.

BlondeAmbition's picture

Aniki, That sounds HORRIBLE!

Aniki, That sounds HORRIBLE! I am glad you got out of there safely!

So my date is a date that should have never happened. This guy approaches me at a party, and asks if I want to go hang out with him at a bar, I say sure, because he is cute and I was lonely.

He whisks me away to a bar where I am not carded (I was 20) and he buys me drinks. I was loving the attention but not the loud screaming band in the background. I say I am ready to leave and he takes me back home where he proceeds to try to get past numerous bases with me which I shut down really quickly. He gets irritated and I don't hear from him again.

A few days later, one of my friends tells me that apparently, at the party, she overheard some guys were pointing out who was an "easy target" and he thought they were pointing at me. They were really pointing at the girl next to me.

I was mortified, but glad I dodged a bullet. Yeeesh.

Aniki's picture

Blonde, my secret Punk Rock

Blonde, my secret Punk Rock persona had a reputation as a woman you did NOT mess with - I was a fighter who took down any man who attacked. Not that ERNEST knew that, but I would and could have kicked his arse!!

Woman, you are LUCKY he didn't drug your drinks or rape you. You dodged a BUNCH of bullets!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

justmakingthebest's picture

UGH! That sounds absolutely

UGH! That sounds absolutely AWFUL!

Now, I have been on a few really bad dates but I have one funny one!

I decided after my divorce to give online dating a try. I chat with this guy for a couple of days and we decide to meet at a local restaurant. He only had one picture online and I was not one of those who asked for more and he didn't either. Anyway he gets to the restaurant and the minute he walked in, I said "MIKE?!?!" he he was like "Yes...", I said "Mike Smith as in Great Uncle Joe's grandson??" LMAO Yep, it was a cousin who I hadn't seen in 15 years but recognized the minute I saw him in person.

We laughed, caught up over pizza. Called our families and they all laughed. That was the end of internet dating!

BlondeAmbition's picture

OH now that is FUNNY! Glad

OH now that is FUNNY! Glad you didn't let good pizza go to waste! Smiling

Aniki's picture

Your COUSIN? Hey, in some

Your COUSIN? Hey, in some states, that could have led to marriage!! LOL

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

My worst date wasn't really

My worst date wasn't really an official date, but HE thought it was.

A group of coworkers was talking about going to a great happy hour after work (happy hours used to be epic in the 80's - all the free food!!). There was a dorky engineer at the company who was also going, but who cares, right? Everyone else was going, too. So we go to one bar, then everyone wants to go to another. I go along with this, had a great time, but the ride TO happy hour left early and one girl and I were left needing a ride. Dorky engineer volunteers to drive us both home in his yellow corvette. Yes, his 2-seater, bright yellow 80's (worst body style of Corvette) Corvette. What's a girl to do? I was at least 30 minutes from my apartment in a part of town I didn't know and no way back.

So this girl and I share a seat, and low and behold, her stop is BEFORE mine, and it turns out said dorky engineer lives in the next apartment complex over (which he already knew - creepy). He drops me off, I say good night. Then he calls me and says he found $5 in his car, I must have left it there. I assured him I didn't but he insisted on bringing it to me. So, like a dummy, I said OK (because he was REALLY sure it was mine). So he comes over and wouldn't you know it....it was just a ploy to get into my apartment so he could try to put the moves on me.

The whole happy hour thing was a conspiracy to get me out with this guy, I found out later.

Unfortunately for him, I had met someone (my ex husband) at the happy hour and he called me to make sure I got home. Dorky engineer with the "fancy car" was heart broken. LOL

So that's my worst date that wasn't really date.

Aniki's picture

$5? Ooooooooooo!!! What a

$5? Ooooooooooo!!! What a pick-up line!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

I know, right?!!! Wasn't the

I know, right?!!!

Wasn't the chance of getting into my apartment (or pants) worth at LEAST $20?? LOL

Aniki's picture

At least!!

At least!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Evil3's picture

This was in the 80s. I met a

This was in the 80s. I met a drop-dead gorgeous guy with dreamy green eyes. I should have seen a red flag when he claimed that his name was Romeo. I didn't believe him and he showed me his driver's licence. I can't even remember how we met, but he asked me out and I said yes. When he arrived to pick me up, he asked me to drive us in my car so that he didn't have to pay for gas. I thought it was weird, but was very inexperienced, so what did I know about modern dating. Then, we went to dinner and he said that I had beautiful eyes and that "they're the same colour as mine." I thought that was weird that he would think my eyes were beautiful because of being the same as his. Well, moving on, he paid for his meal, but not mine. Again, I had been told by so many how fussy I was with guys, so I must be the one who's wrong for finding it weird that he blatantly paid for his meal but not mine. Luckily, I brought money. As I was driving out of the parking lot, someone cut us off. Apparently, Romeo had a much bigger problem with it than I did because he shouted at the guy, "you just signed your death warrant." OK, I'm done at this point. I'm not wrong, this guy is bad news. We were to go to a movie and I went through with it, because I didn't know how to end the date. At the theatre, Romeo was again pissed off and shouted at someone that he had signed his death warrant. As the night went on, Romeo told me he was a black belt and can kill people. Great. Not impressed. Then, he got mad at someone on the way home and of course they were told that they had just signed their death warrant. Somehow he knew my phone number and kept calling me. After seeing him yell several times at people that they have just signed their death warrants, I was a little concerned. Luckily, he got the hint and stopped calling. I started training in karate (coincidence) and got my black belt years later and I still think of what an ass Romeo was and that he was likely not a black belt or he wouldn't have spoken that way. Anyway, I never saw him around town again. I never knew what happened to him. Probably jail.

Ninji's picture

Now this is funny.

Now this is funny.

Aniki's picture

Sounds like Romeo has, um,

Sounds like Romeo has, um, small JUNK issues and was trying to compensate... Cool

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Ninji's picture

I went on a couple of dates

I went on a couple of dates with this guy a few years ago. I was an Air Traffic controller at the time. He sees a C-130 fly over and tells me it's a Coast Guard plane. It wasn't. I tried to explain it to him but he wouldn't listen. I finally pointed to the tower and say that's where I work, this is my air space and that is not a Coast Guard plane.

That same date...We went to a local restaurant and both ordered fish sandwiches. I ordered mine with fries and he declined fries. When the food comes he asks for a fry. I say, of course. A minute or two goes by and he tells me that the least I could do is share my fries with him because I had so many. I told him that he had every opportunity to order his own fries but didn't want to. I had no problem sharing but I sure as hell wasn't going to be bullied into it. (we were paying separate and he was super cheap)

He yelled at me when we were eating dinner at his house because I LOOKED at his dog while I was eating.

He only had a drivers side seat in his car. Anytime we went anywhere together, we either drove separate or he rode in my car.

One night after having a few drinks with my friends. I told him I wasn't sure the "relationship" was going to last. He sobbed on my shoulder. Like literally laying his head on my shoulder soaking me with his tears.

We dated for less than a month.

Veritas's picture

What the what??? Goodness,

What the what??? Goodness, Ninji, how crazy for you!!!...

The truth became my defense, my rock, my guide, my freedom...

"Love yourself more..." ~ Echo

Aniki's picture

Ninji, it sounds like you

Ninji, it sounds like you dated a petulant child!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

queensway's picture

Ninji how dare you look at

Ninji how dare you look at his dog while you are eating. At least not on the 1st or 2nd date. That is more like a 3rd date thing. This guy is nuts. The car thing is funny.

stepmonstery's picture

Long time ago, a super sweet

Long time ago, a super sweet old lady at church wanted to set me up on a blind date with her "sweet but lonely" grandson. He was like 10 years older, and I was about 18. I demurred but she asked me a few more times. I thought if she asked me one more time I might meet the guy. In the mean time, he tried to STAB HIS MOTHER AND STEPFATHER TO DEATH.

I heard he's never getting out of the nut house!

And that's why I never agreed to an actual blind date in my life.

Aniki's picture

STABBED TO DEATH?!?! OMG!!!!

STABBED TO DEATH?!?! OMG!!!! That is SUPER scary!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

stepmonstery's picture

He didn't succeed, not that

He didn't succeed, not that it makes it much better, but I never recommend blind dates.

WalkOnBy's picture

I had been dating this great

I had been dating this great guy for about three months. I really liked him. He was smart, very well employed (local prominent family business) and I met him at the ice rink where both of our kids skated. Because he was a well known guy, I knew that he was divorced and had been for some time.

Anyway, one night we go out to dinner. As usual, folks he and his family know come by the table to say hello or nod across the room. We had a great meal, great conversation, the whole nine yards. I really was smitten and thought this was going to be my first relationship post divorce.

At the end of the night, he drives me home. Comes in for a nightcap. Kids are with Asshat. I fix us a couple of drinks and I feel like I am going to get lucky...

WRONG!!

Him - I have to tell you something.

Me - *thinking oh yeah, baby!! This is going places!* *bats eyelashes* yes?????

Him - I am engaged

Me - WHAT???

Him - I am engaged

Me - and a lying ASShole. Time for you to go.

Him - so, I can't spend the night?

Me - sure you can - AT YOUR FIANCEE'S HOUSE

many years later, I ran into him at an annual charity event here in town. I had heard that he married that woman. I had not heard that they got divorced because she caught him cheating on her. He smiled at me, I nodded back and he walked over.

Him - hey! good to see you

Me - mmm hmmmm

Him - so, are you here alone?

Me - nope, you know VeryImportantLawyer? I am here as his date.

Him - oh, been dating long?

Me - yes, as a matter of fact, we met a few months after I threw you out of my house. How's your wife?

Him - yeah, that didn't work out

Me - really? Quelle surprise. Did she catch you cheating, by chance?

Him - well, yeah.

Me - sounds about right. Oh, look, there's VeryImportantLawyer. Gotta run

I see him around town still from time to time, always with verrrrry young women, younger than his youngest daughter. I am sure I will see him at Annual Charity Event this year, as his family sponsors it and DH and I are going this year.

What. A. Tool...

Reading...it's fundamental

"Maybe it should be "reading comprehension..... it's fundamental" - ItsGrowingOld

Aniki's picture

Total tool, WOB!

Total tool, WOB!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

zerostepdrama's picture

I met a guy online and we

I met a guy online and we went out for apps/drinks. Well during our date his son (who lived with BM) called so he answered the phone and had like a normal every day conversation with him. It wasn't like it was an emergency. Once he hung up with his son he told me "I don't care if I'm eating dinner with the President, if my son calls I'm picking up."

I didn't know at the time about Disney Dad and the drama with step families but I knew it seemed a little much for him to make such a bold statement.

Nothing ever came about of our date even though we remained FB friends for awhile.

"I don't take stuff personal from a person who doesn't know me personally."

"It so doesn't matter who likes us... WE like Us."
-Pom Pom Squad

Veritas's picture

I visualized him stabbing the

I visualized him stabbing the air with his finger to REALLY MAKE HIS POINT OMG!

The truth became my defense, my rock, my guide, my freedom...

"Love yourself more..." ~ Echo

Aniki's picture

Zero, it was a crystal ball

Zero, it was a crystal ball moment...

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

advice.only2's picture

Oh these are so good, I'm

Oh these are so good, I'm dying. So I don't have a personal story per say, but this kind of relates to me.

When I graduated high school I was already 18, but most of my friends were still 17. My uncle came over for dinner one night and was going on and on about this "hot chick" he had met and how they were sort of talking, but she was going to be leaving for the summer because of this acting group she was part of. Finally my mom asks the girls name...turns out it was one my close friends who I not only went to school with, but I also went to church with. My uncle was floored and kept saying how she seemed so much older...um no dude she's only 17! That was the end of that...but wait there's more.

Years later another friend and I were out at a bar and ran into you guessed it my uncle. So this friend was going through a divorce and she's VERY VERY high maintenance, like she expects the guy to be paying her rent if they go out on a second date, and my uncle is very very CHEAP. Well we all hung out that night, had a few drinks and what not, end of story. Probably a month later my friend decides to tell me that not only was she seeing my uncle, but that they have been hooking up and she thinks he gave her and STD! Barf! I told her it was none of my business and left it at that. A few days later my mom is telling me about how my uncle has been sick recently and got on antibiotics and he thinks he might have caught it from his "lady friend" whom that he just recently broke up with because she was demanding he pay for her car repairs.....

Aniki's picture

Advice, your uncle sounds

Advice, your uncle sounds like a play-uh!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

queensway's picture

"My worst date". After my

"My worst date". After my divorce I joined a singles group at my church. It was a way for me to meet other single people and make new friends. I loved all the woman in the group and we did girl weekends to New York and Chicago to name a few. I never did trips that both men and woman went on. There was a guy in the group that would always ask me out. So one day I said yes. He said he knew where I lived and would pick me up at 7. I said how do you know where I live and he said Val from the group told him. So he picks me up and we go out to dinner. At the restaurant we order wine and have a few glasses. So far so good. I think we are ready to order food but he orders another bottle of wine instead. I am buzzed and so is he. I told him I didn't need another glass of wine. Anyway he says to me I brought something I wanted to show you. It was a photo album of a trip he took to some island. I said how nice the pictures were and asked when did he go. As he finishes another glass of wine he says this was suppose to be his honeymoon but "B" ex backed out of the wedding. OMG really. Why would this idiot want to show me these pictures. Then he finishes the second bottle of wine and is drunk. Goes on and on about the size of the diamond ring he bought this "B" and he is going to get it back even if he has to file a lawsuit. By this time I am pissed and go into the bathroom and call Val to come get me. He never shut his mouth the whole time I waited for her. She came and got me and I never went back to the group if I knew he was there. He kept calling me for about a month but I never answered him. LOSER!

Aniki's picture

Jeez, queensway, maybe he had

Jeez, queensway, maybe he had that ring in his pocket and was gonna pop the question after dessert!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

AshMar654's picture

My worst date ever.....I have

My worst date ever.....I have a few that are pretty bad. I went on a few dates with this one guy first one was pretty good, he worked with my cousin so blind date. Second one still good till the end and he kissed me and it was like kissing a dead flopping fish. I just figured he was nervous.

Sooo on to the third. I said hey come here we can go hiking and have some fun being outside. He shows up in boots that a slick on the bottom and no tread. I figure oh well he is stupid take him anyway and he was slipping so I cut the hike short go grab dinner and go back to my place. He never stopped talking the entire time. He also decided that when I would make a joke or he thought something was cool we could HIGH FIVE, yes literally meaning slap hand up high. This happened about 5 times during that date.

I was not sure how to end the date so I said hey let us watch a movie so I could get him to shut up. NOPE he continued to talk sat on the couch about two feet in between us and he kept putting his had out for me to hold it. Kept flopping there and moving it and put the arm on the back of the couch. I sat there arms crossed over my chest legs straight out in front of me on the ottoman and did not move the entire time of the movie.

Movie ends I say I am tired and ready to get to get to bed and I walk him to the door. He starts to lean in for it.....the.. kiss..... As he was moving closer literally the only thing in my head was the Jaws theme. Let me tell you it was so much worse. I as trapped as my back was the to fridge as the back door was in the kitchen.

It was the most awkward worst date of my life. I still have nightmares about it puckery fish lips moving slowly towards me that looks like a dead gasping fish.

Aniki's picture

"...puckery fish lips..." And

"...puckery fish lips..."

And I spewed water across my desk!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

classyNJ's picture

Aniki - I LOVE these topics

Aniki - I LOVE these topics you come up with. And ladies- Wow just wow! LOL

Mine isn't as bad.

When I was 18 I just started working in my industry and the office was full of women all over the age of 30. At lunch we were sitting around reading the personals (yes it was 1986) and laughing. They wanted to know what type of person put a personal or answered one that was in the paper. Wellll since I was the only one single - you can see where this was going. Laughing out loud

So yes I was 18, great job, avid sports fan, liked walks on the beach blah blah blah

Holy moly the letters that came in - they would mail to the paper who would then put them in one big envelope and mail them to me once a week.

I went on one and ONLY ONE date. The women picked him. He owned a business in the local mall. I called him, set up lunch date and these women drove me and sat at a close by table.

This guy was 30+, balding, short and had horrible dragon breath. He did nothing but talk about himself and stare at my tits. It was just so creepy.

It ended very abruptly when I pulled out my smokes and he said "oh no - no smoking - thats a dirty habit". I laughed, lit up, put money on the table and walked out.

**SHUDDER** I didn't go to his end of the mall until the store closed 3 years later

Aniki's picture

Dragon breath was worried

Dragon breath was worried about cigs? LOL!!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Goodluck's picture

hmmmmm Worst date...HA!! OK,

hmmmmm

Worst date...HA!!

OK, so I was asked out for drinks at a local spot. Many MANY years ago. The guy I was meeting was attractive 'but' had underlying quirks I just could not put my fingers on. Something just made me not want to get out of the friend zone. Besides he was not legally divorced yet. We were really just 'new' friends no hanky panky. He was in my opinion very attractive, rugged, had his own successful business. The kind of potential most mothers hope for their daughters.

So we sit at the bar and BAMMM he blurts out, "my ex and I were into swinging. How about YOU and that guy you told me about come around and WE 'all' hook up" Sticking out tongue

EWWWWWWWWW, boy I was glad to gracefully leave.

He called once or twice after that and I know I told him I was BUSY.

-------------
Went to dinner with guy who I met thru a friend. It was a date. He seemed charming enough. This was YEARS AND YEARS and YEARS ago. Around the same time as Swinger guy above. Ughhh.

Dude started chocking on a fish bone. I know enough to realize if someone is coughing that is a good sign...coughing is good, NO coughing is bad.
He started to NOT cough and I knew he was in trouble...I got UP and went towards him ready to do the Heimlich. Other people did too...he finally coughed again and coughed up the bone. NO Heimlich needed. He was lucky. No one touched him...it happened so fast.
HE started screaming at me "DONT YOU EVER embarrass me again"

WHAT AN A**. Needless to say I never saw him again. Thru the grapevine he never married, has no kids and still is a jerk.

Those are my 2 worst dates.

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

Aniki's picture

Jeez, Goodluck, guess he'd've

Jeez, Goodluck, guess he'd've preferred to choke to death!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Aniki's picture

10 years ago, a swinger hit

10 years ago, a swinger hit on me. He was looking for a female for him and his woman and was convinced I was it. Although I was single, I quickly contrived a new boyfriend. Guy would ask every couple of months if I was still with the jealous boyfriend. Finally said we were getting married and the guy backed off.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Goodluck's picture

Aniki, YOU were a punk

Aniki, YOU were a punk Rocker. BAHHHAAAAA Eye-wink Eye-wink

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

Aniki's picture

Yep, Punk Rocker! What?? I

Yep, Punk Rocker! What?? I was in my 20s and I was HAWT!!! I had men AND women hitting on me. My Punk Rock days were my first experience with women finding me sexy. LOL

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I have two that really shine

I have two that really shine out... Both blind dates (shocker... LMAO)

Number one, my childhood best friend, literally hadn't talked to her much except occasional catchups, called me out of the blue.. Some guy she hadn't seen in years wanted to go on a date and she absolutely did not want to go alone.. BUT he "has a friend" so naturally I got sucked into things. Anyways, pickup time, My friend and her date show up to get me... Said friend apparently is "running late." So that was weird, strike one homeboy. They literally take us to some weird middle of nowhere housing complex. My date still isn't there, my friends date pulls a gun out (tf for? I still have no clue, I've never been anti gun... Ever) and starts swinging the dang thing around everywhere with dang awful trigger control I might add. My date shows up, cussing up a storm and doesn't even acknowledge my existence. In fact he starts trying to flirt with my friend. He also looks like crap... Whatever, I have zero interest, I'm here for the friend, who by now is getting REALLY uncomfortable already. So I intercept and grab her arm and literally point at the clubhouse and say it's pretty (it wasn't, but the whole place was crap, so I had to find something) she was grateful, my date, less so... But whatever. Anyways, date finally introduces himself (an hour in...) and we end up in the club house, where they pull out a movie... I forget the name of it, it was new at the time... But it was FILLED with nudity (classy first date huh?) We get into the club house and a third couple appears (who are these people even?) But said "dates" seem welcoming and to know them, so whatever. And then they start macking on the couch, my date sits SUPER far away from me and my friend literally plastered herself to my side by that point. We were 18... They start pulling out alcohol and trying to put in the movie and talking about the "best sex they've had." My friend is texting me asking what we can do (I know! Phones on a date! But it was REALLY BAD!!!)... Literally asked if she could pretend to be sick. Neither of us were having fun... her phone finally died and mine was down to 4%... I finally stood up and told them I was leaving and bringing my friend with me. They were all "but we haven't even started the movie!" I told them that I hoped they enjoyed it and then marched us out. Once outside I called a different friend and told her to meet us at a grocery store I saw us pass on the say in. My Phone then died, and we walked for about a half hour in this dark complex, some creepy guy tried to hit on my friend... Then we found the store and high tailed it away.

Number two.... This one is short... Roommate set me up on a blind date... Guy was 6 years older... She thought he was "sweet." He started trying to plan out our life completely on the first date... Literally told me where "we should live together someday." *GAG* Whatever, It's one date! So I thought... He kept showing up at the apartment and following me places for the next 6 months... Literally went full on stalker, would show up outside of classes when I got out... Finally one of my guy friends threatened to hit him with a car (or something, that's what he told me anyways) and the guy kind of just vanished and left me alone finally.

Aniki's picture

Love those stalkers....NOT!!

Love those stalkers....NOT!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Aren't they just so much fun?

Aren't they just so much fun? Keep you on your toes? LMAO (I can laugh now that I don't have a guy following me around)

Aniki's picture

The Naked Man Worst date #2.

The Naked Man

Worst date #2. This was a guy I'd known in high school. We connected on a dating website and were like "hey, aren't you so-n-so?". We decided to go out to dinner. He lived about 45 minutes from me and the place we were going was another 35-45 minutes from his house. So I drove to his house and he drove us to the restaurant.

We had a GREAT time!! We still had a lot in common, same sense of humor, same taste in food... We had a couple of drinks, talked and laughed...stayed at the restaurant for almost 3 hours. Held hands on the way to his car. We went back to his house. He asked if I'd like to come in for a bit. I was having such a good time so I said Sure! Went to use the bathroom and came out to....

THE NAKED MAN

Yep. He'd stripped off all of his clothes and was standing at the entrance to the living room, one hand on the wall and the other hand rubbing his junk.

"Hey baby, waddya say we get it together?" (WTF talks like that??)
"Wow."
"You're so sexy and I want you."
~pulls on his tallywhacker~
"WE want you."
I busted out laughing and said, "You already have a handle on it. You guys have fun together!"
Walked out the door, blocked his phone number, and headed home. LMAO!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

queensway's picture

The Naked Man wasn't that on

The Naked Man wasn't that on the best sellers book list. OMG That is funny.

Aniki's picture

The Naked Man was on

The Naked Man was on a....SHORT story list... LOL!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! You just

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! You just caused me to have a memory pop up. I had a regular customer at a restaurant where I worked for 2 months (yeah, I hated being a waitress).

He kept asking me out and wasn't really my type, but we messed around ONCE!! He had the shortest weenie I've ever seen, but interestingly enough, it was probably the closest I ever got to an O before I met DH (I was 19 at the time). It's said the G-spot is only about 2 to 3 inches inside, soooo, that give you a clue!! LOLOLOL

queensway's picture

Futurobrillante99 if it is

Futurobrillante99 if it is short it is called a tallywhacker! Like a short tail on a dog! LOL These stories are making me laugh!

Aniki's picture

POP UP? Pun intended?

POP UP? Pun intended? ~snicker~

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

LOLOLOL - you're both killing

LOLOLOL - you're both killing me. I really hope I don't have any other disturbing memories "pop up." It's weird that I feel like I just don't have very many memories from "back in the day." Then someone will start talking about something and the memories will flood back in.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

OH MY GOSH! You handled that

OH MY GOSH! You handled that better than me... I probably would have slugged him. LMAO

Aniki's picture

PA, how could I slug someone

PA, how could I slug someone who was so obviously... VERTICALLY CHALLENGED??

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

I dated a guy when I was 18

I dated a guy when I was 18 who was no taller than me. He went to a nearby US Military Academy (college). His dress whites were fantastic.

I just couldn't get over him being so short!! So I broke it off, but then he started "dating" my parents. LOL His family was across the country, so while at said academy, it was common for the future soldiers to have a sponsor family. Someone local who they could spend short breaks with, have Sunday dinner, do their laundry, etc.

He got along so well with my parents, they became his sponsors for all 4 years of the academy and even attended his wedding in San Diego some years later. Got to meet his whole family!!

Aniki's picture

Dated your parents. Yep,

Dated your parents. Yep, rings a bell. My sister's first serious (HS) boyfriend dated my parents. Mom thought he was sooooooooo great!! He was the boy EVERY parent loved (but a secret arsehole). Every time he came home from college, he visited my parents. EVERY Christmas, he came over. Sometimes, he ate Christmas dinner with us!! It went on for YEARS until he finally hooked up with a gal who did NOT appreciate him "dating" my family. LOL!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

You're the first person to

You're the first person to understand about "dating the parents."

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

with your fist, preferably to

with your fist, preferably to the face. LMAO

Aniki's picture

That's always a possibility

That's always a possibility since it's happened before.... Cool

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

notsobad's picture

Wasn’t there an episode of

Wasn’t there an episode of How I Met your Mother that featured The Naked Man?

Aniki's picture

Never watched How I Met Your

Never watched How I Met Your Mother. The Naked Man is not new!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

There was. I binge watched

There was. I binge watched all of that....

noneedtoargue's picture

There was naked guy on

There was naked guy on Friends, too.

notsobad's picture

Yes, but he wasn’t date

Yes, but he wasn’t date related.
He was a nudist that lived across the street and they would spy on him.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm loving this thread! And

I'm loving this thread! Sticking out tongue

And I loved the eighties! Back then I was in college, living in a city with two Air Force bases and an Army Depot. Cute single guys were thick upon the ground, & there were plenty of great restaurants and dance clubs. Like Aniki I was loving life, prancing around in pink pumps with lace bobby socks, mini skirts, and blazers with padded shoulders.

I dated a LOT, so a few were bound to be duds. Like Ted. Black hair, blue eyes, and great body. Unfortunately, he proved to be like some candy bars - yummy coating, nutty on the inside. After about a month, I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Apparently what he heard was, Come over, beat relentlessly on my door and camp out on the stoop calling my name over and over. I finally called my male roommate, who came home and persuaded Ted to go get a drink with him while I packed a bag and left town for a long weekend. There was Mike, the perfect romantic gentleman who wined and dined and read Browning to me. Then I caught him following me in traffic. Friends spotted him in the parking lot where I worked, and on campus (he was not a student!) The last straw was seeing him driving through my condo complex. We were not exclusive, and there was zero reason for him to be there, so I stopped seeing him.

I guess the worst single date I went on with was Darren, a stripper (I know, DUMB! but he was very shy and respectful when he asked me out). I suspect he had a coke habit, because he became someone completely different and behaved like a crazed David Lee Roth impersonator when we went dancing. Total, off the rails, attention whoring animal. First and last time I dated a performer.

O/T - I had a list of eighties dating dont's:
Never date a guy who wears more makeup than you.
Never date a guy who wears more jewelry than you.
Never date a guy who takes more time to get ready than you.
Never date a guy who doesn't know how to treat a lady.

Obviously it was a MUCH simpler time. No booty calls, dick pics, etc.

notsobad's picture

“prancing around in pink

“prancing around in pink pumps with lace bobby socks, mini skirts, and blazers with padded shoulders”

LMAO yes! Add in bigger than life aquanet hair and strings of fake pearls!

Aniki's picture

Exjulie, I didn't wear pink

Exjulie, I didn't wear pink too often! I spent most of my weekends living my alter ego in black leather and hanging with punk bands!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I had a black leather jacket

I had a black leather jacket and a couple of leather miniskirts for when I felt like channeling my inner bad girl, but I was never as badass as you, Aniki. You sound formidable!

Aniki's picture

I had a bad reputation under

I had a bad reputation under another name. Those were my bodyguard days. Most men were too intimidated to even speak to me and that suited me just fine!! Cool

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

missjoyfulme's picture

on my last first date... we

on my last first date... we were sitting outside in a courtyard sidewalk small bar. It was 11pm and talking and having a drink. Drive by egging. Truly some jerk teens drove by and egged us. We both jumped back, I got egg on my purse. We both laughed and went inside to finish talking. Hey I married that man. Any man who can roll with an egging and still enjoy talking afterwards without getting in a tizzy is marriage material.

Going strong still...

Of course his ExW is why I am here... that biotch is cra cra. Hmm maybe she was the egging now that I think of it. (no just joking it was drive by kids)

Aniki's picture

Drive by egging is better

Drive by egging is better than a flaming bag of poop!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

mommadukes2015's picture

So when I was in college I

So when I was in college I worked as a bus monitor for an agency that served the developmentally disabled.

There was this mechanic there that was cute. He had just gone though a nasty break up with his girlfriend and she tagged his truck like went full on Carrie Underwood on the thing. Anyway, he was showing what his crazy ex did to his truck to all my coworkers when I walked in. As I was getting ready to go out on my run, he told me had two oprea seating tickets to the Motley Crue concert that weekend. Since he broke up with his GF he asked if I wanted to go.

Considering Nikki Sixx was my first crush I was all over it. Even if the date sucked I was in the same air space as Motley Crue.

Date ended up being a dud. I was 19, so I still lived with my parents. When we got back to my house he kind of invited himself in. I told him my parents were asleep and I'd talk to him tomorrow. I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and when I went into my room he was IN my bed.

I hard already decided this guy wasn't going to get anything from me, so im told him, listen, I've got to be up early tomorrow so I'm going to bed. You can stay if you want but im going to sleep. That's all that's happening in that bed tonight.

Well I went to turn out the light and he still had his hat on. I was like why are going to sleep in your ball cap? He said "he just does". Now I'm intrigued. I hassle him until he takes it off and at 24 he had male pattern baldness. Nail. In. Coffin.

So I get to bed, he is not trying to abide by the a-for-mentioned rules, so i tell him I can't sleep with him I have an STD (which I didn't) he replies " I don't mind". That was it. I said "thats disgusting get out of my bed and get out of my house or im waking up my step dad DONT call me."

It was awkward the rest of the time I worked there.

Aniki's picture

OMG, mommadukes!! He didn't

OMG, mommadukes!! He didn't mind?!?!?! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

mommadukes2015's picture

Right? VOM.

Right? VOM. Barf!

FrenchPeas's picture

I had a blind date with a man

I had a blind date with a man the size of a hobbit. Literally. 10 years older than me. When i opened the door, my daughter almost started laughing. I couldn’t look at her cause i would have lost it, too. His ex wife still lived in his house while they “faked”’ it for their daughter so she wouldn’t know mama left daddy for another woman. During that part of the story, i burst out laughing hysterically and said i wanted to go home now. Told him no, thank you to a second date.

Had another bad blind date. He grabbed my butt “helping” me out of his truck so i rounded on him and confronted him on the spot. I told him to delete my number. He wouldn’t and kept trying so i blocked him after he sent a mostly naked photo. And i passed that photo all my girl friends at the time and we had a good laugh.

My most recent lapse in judgement was about a month ago. Dude seemed nice but it was just bad. Here is a piece of advice: on the first date with someone you only casually know - don’t ask said girl, to “lay her head” in your lap so you can “hold her in your arms” while watching a movie. He also said four things that were blatant narcissist red flags. After he kept contacting me, i finally texted and told him i was not interested. He should stop then, right?? But no. He tried one more time. I didn’t reply.

Aniki's picture

FrenchPeas... a hobbit!!

FrenchPeas... a hobbit!! ~snorty~

Yeah, that "lay your head in my lap". Riiiiiiiiiight...

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

notsobad's picture

I was 18, working at a garage

I was 18, working at a garage when one of the mechanics asked me out.
Sure, why not? He was about 20 and a nice enough guy.

He took me to a strip club! Sat right up front, ordered a couple rounds of doubles (in my province the drinking age is 18) and was oblivious to my discomfort. I tried to play it cool, downed my drink and told him he wasn’t going to get lucky, no matter how drunk I got.
He went to the bathroom and never came back.

The waitress took pity on me, waived the bill and gave me cab fare to get home. I went back when I got paid and paid the waitress back.
I was humiliated and embarrassed that I’d been such an idiot. Plus, I’d left my new winter coat in his car!
The guy didn’t come back to work, he called, said he’d moved to BC and please forward his last cheque. I never said a word about him ditching me.

I learned a valuable lesson. Never ever go on a date without enough money to pay for yourself and to get yourself home. And never leave anything in a dates car.

On another note DH and I met on a blind date. It was a first for both of us. I guess we are the exception to the rule!

Aniki's picture

A.Strip.Club. WTH takes their

A.Strip.Club. WTH takes their first date to a strip club?? Unless you met on a swingers dating site... LOL

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

momjeans's picture

My worst date is pretty tame,

My worst date is pretty tame, compared to others, and came later in life.

Freshly divorced, and a few months before meeting DH, my hair stylist friend told me she had a friend who had seen pictures of me and wanted to meet me. I thought “Why not”, and that I’d go out on a limb and meet him for coffee, lunch, etc.

Our first meet-up was at an Indian tea house downtown. We both have jobs in photography, so we had a lot to talk about. We each paid our own tab. Perfectly fine.

Our 2nd meeting was at a coffee shop. His request. I show up, we order coffee, he asks if I’m hungry - I was, so we both order food. During our meal, he mentions how he had been on a dating site. With a few other bits of information, it comes to my attention that THIS IS THE GUY that one of my other close girlfriends (she doesn’t know my hair stylist) recently went on a couple dates with, with horrible results. That he asks women out, totally expecting them to foot the bill all.the.time.

Our bill arrives. He looks at me and very matter of factly tells me he has NO MONEY, and that I need to pay. I pay because I just want to get out of there.

He relentlessly contacted me for months. He displayed a lot of anger when I told him I had met someone and was talking to them (DH).

He THEN commissions - yes, actually pays money, for this local artist to draw a macabre photo of me standing next to him with his head on a platter - blasts it ALL over social media.

Good times.

Loyalty is cute and all, but having healthy boundaries is most adorable.

Aniki's picture

Dang, momjeans. What a

Dang, momjeans. What a weirdo!! Had money to pay for that photo, but not to pay for dinner. Douchnozzle.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Aniki's picture

Naked Man rule #1: you are

Naked Man rule #1: you are supposed to take off your clothes at HER house; not YOURS. Butthead.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Peridwen's picture

My worst date: A guy 20 years

My worst date: A guy 20 years older than me. He was in culinary school at the same school I was at for hospitality. He said he wanted our first 'real' date to be a romantic picnic that he cooked. (We wound up as the only two people who showed up to an after-work pool & darts session, which kicked off our 'epic romance'.) The romantic picnic was at his rich buddy's house, with rich buddy, rich buddy's wife, wife's friend, and friend's husband. All of whom spent the entire night ignoring me while date cooked. Then date kept talking about all the places the 4 of us could go together, New York, Bahamas, Cancun, Paris, etc. I was definitely uncomfortable as his friends were the same age as my parents and it felt odd. Rich Buddy (RB) kept agreeing and talking about how the boys could go out together while the girls shopped. I think his wife and I had the same WTF look during this little dialog between RB and Date. I felt like the third wheel.

And stupidly I ignored those red flags because he said everything I wanted to hear. A month later I broke it off and heard from a girlfriend that Date had already planned out a flash mob proposal, the wedding and honeymoon, scoped out the first house, and wanted to plan pregnancies for babies to be born on certain dates. SCARY - and ultra-relieved I got out of that one!

**************************************
"I'm not 'using' you to get work finished. I'm using the work to get you finished. Now set the table." - TwoOfUs's Mom

ITWDFTT

Aniki's picture

FLASH MOB proposal...

FLASH MOB proposal... ermagawd! Peridwen, I think you dodged a bullet.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Peridwen's picture

100% dodged a big bullet. I

100% dodged a big bullet. I also found out later he was a registered sex offender from 10 years earlier going after a 13yo. I did the math and discovered that I was 13 the same year he was convicted...EEEWWWW! Although I should probably thank him - he's the reason I decided to join the online dating site where I met DH. I figured I'd rather be able to google the dude before I met him in person to avoid such icky things.

**************************************
"I'm not 'using' you to get work finished. I'm using the work to get you finished. Now set the table." - TwoOfUs's Mom

ITWDFTT

Aniki's picture

Wow, Peridwen, that's

Wow, Peridwen, that's crazy!!! What a sicko.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

I honestly am probably lucky

I honestly am probably lucky to be alive being that I would date about anyone in my early 20s. The worst though was the prepper. Like, he was prepping for the apocalypse. He had six months worth of "supplies" in his car. Then he proceeds to tell me about how he used to live with a male/female couple and they all had sex with each other. He knew someone that I also knew (but was not friends with) who called himself XXXsexy and claimed to be a professional wrestler (he was overweight, definitely not a wrestler). I already knew I didn't want anything to do with this guy but knowing he was friends with that weirdo really sealed the deal.

I think I met him on a dating website. I never had any luck with those. Crazy people just hide the crazy.

Aniki's picture

Dating websites are a crock.

Dating websites are a crock. You FEEL like you're being proactive and searching for someone compatible. Instead, it's a plethora of liars and perverts. Singles group activities are probably better. Or speed dating. Do people still do that?

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

I met a couple nice guys but

I met a couple nice guys but we just weren't compatible or they lived too far away and I had a kid in school. Or perhaps their crazy just didn't show yet. That's probably the case. Although I am actually friends with one of the guys I dated. We had a good time but he lived 2 hours away. He ended up meeting his wife and marrying her and then cheated on her with a friend of mine. So ya.....I guess he's really not a good guy.

I don't know if people still do singles groups or not. I think that is a better idea than dating sites. It's harder to make yourself sound like someone else in person.

Aniki's picture

I met a couple of nice guys,

I met a couple of nice guys, too. There was only one with whom I felt a spark. Unfortunately, he couldn't get past his obsession with his "bad" teeth. His teeth were not perfectly straight. Big deal. It's not like they were sticking out at all different angles and none were pushed forward/back. Didn't bother me in the least. Our second date, he LOL'd about something, then covered his mouth and said, "It's my teeth, isn't it." I said, "HUH?? There's nothing wrong with your teeth, IMO. I like you just fine!!" I truly liked him and found him sexually attractive.

Turns out his ex-gf made a big deal about his teeth and how they were "ugly" and that's the reason the beeyotch used to break up with him. She was probably bouncing on someone else and didn't want to admit it. Anyhoo, it affected him terribly. I finally told him that if it was such a problem for HIM, he could always get braces. We had a few more dates, but HE couldn't get past his teeth. Too bad. He was fun, nice, cute, and had a bangin' bod!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

Wow. His ex really did some

Wow. His ex really did some damage!

Aniki's picture

Yeah. What a twunt!

Yeah. What a twunt!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

TheBrightSide's picture

After my divorce, I tried

After my divorce, I tried online dating. So fun (sarcasm). Anyhoo, I shared a few emails with this guy on the dating site. He asked for my phone number but I declined and said that I didn’t share my number with anyone until I meet them. I’m really careful that way: first name only and no phone number. He was insulted and couldn’t understand why I didn’t trust him. Red Flag!

So I agree to meet him at coffee place on a rainy Sunday afternoon. He’s Italian, very handsome and well dressed. He proceeds to tell me his life story. Here goes:

He’s from Italy and got a position teaching at a local university 2 years prior. He convinces his wife to move to Canada with him. He had been with wife for 10 years. [At this point, he pulls out his wallet and shows me a photograph of his wife who is extremely beautiful. Wife has fertility issues and wants children so they start fertility treatments. Of course, these treatments are very expensive and very taxing on the woman (I know this because I went through 2 cycles myself).

A few months into his new position at the University, he meets another woman, also a professor, and they fall in love. “The heart wants what the heart wants” were his words. So while his wife is going through fertility treatment, he and this woman are having an affair. “I was hoping that ‘mistress’ would get pregnant the whole time my wife was going through treatment” he says. Nice guy right! After a year or so, he finally decides to leave the wife for the mistress.

Immediately thereafter, the mistress breaks up with him. He’s devastated. (He’s full on sobbing in the coffee shop at this point). He can’t eat or sleep and is upset because his wife doesn’t see how devastated he is and “she isn’t supporting me in my grief”. He tells wife about the affair and she leaves him and moves back to Italy. Thank GOD! No mistress, no wife.

So three months after this, he’s in a coffee shop with me, crying about his lost loves. Meanwhile I’m thinking, ‘This is the worst human being.’ And ‘How the hell can I get out of here without causing a scene?!’. He then invites me to go with him to Italy for the following week, I decline and go to the bathroom. When I return, I don’t sit down but put on my jacket (the universal sign for “I’m Outta Here”). We walk out together, I tell him “I’ll contact you”. I go home and immediately block him.

Aniki's picture

Dang, Bright, what a

Dang, Bright, what a tool!!!

I tried the dating websites, too, and found them more annoying than useful.

eHarmony" continually matched me up with SHORT men and men allergic to cats. I'm 5'8" and had zero interest dating someone shorter. Also, I had 3 cats at the time!

POF and Match: I met about 10-12 guys for dates. 2 were okay, but zero chemistry. The rest were either looking for fuddies or so far off from their profile pics, it was ridiculous. I met one guy for coffee and did not even recognize him. He called out to ME (because I looked just like my pic!!). He was bald (full head of hair in pic), no facial hair (bushy moustache in pic), had on big, black-rimmed glasses (no glasses in pic), and weighed at LEAST 100 lbs more than his pic (was BUFF in the pic). I told him I was not staying because he completely misrepresented himself. I had no issues with baldness or glasses or him being heavier, but definitely had an issue with him not being honest.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

futurobrillante99's picture

Good for you, telling the

Good for you, telling the fraud he misrepresented himself!!!

I had good success with Match.com the third go-round, but I had a male friend critique my profile. I made the changes he suggested and I had 3 dates scheduled in the first week. Previously, I had very specific search criteria, but the third time around, I decided that if a literate male messaged me, had decent pictures and asked me out, I would go. I decided I wouldn't discriminate based on physical attributes, education level or religion. Oh, and there MUST be a kiss on the first date to weed out crappy kissers.

First date was John. Nice guy but didn't open the restaurant door. Paid for dinner. Okay conversation. Kinda shy...kinda reminded me of my ex. He was depressed and a LOUSY kisser. Just awful.

Second date was with Max the atheist. I thought, at the very least, we'll enjoy a good beer and he was a lot of fun to chat with, so I figured we'd have a great conversation. Very intelligent. He postponed our date to the following week, but lost no points because he canceled well in advance.

DH was the next date and his main photo was a terrible selfie that made his nose look big and showed him to be carrying extra weight. Thankfully his other pictures showed an attractive guy. He was the best conversationalist and really read my profile. We had our first date a day before I was supposed to see Max the atheist. DH was wonderful - a true gentleman - and the first kiss - wow!! Still curls my toes!!!

Max messaged me the day of our date to cancel and I happily told him that I had met someone the night before and wanted to see where it led.

The rest is a tumultuous and challenging journey to get to today. I know my relationship story might not be an endorsement for the type of man you find on Match.com, but I think if you expect to meet someone after 40 who has made it to that age without baggage and issues, good luck. You just have to find someone whose baggage and issues you can tolerate - and I'm not including mental health issues or abusive traits as anything you should tolerate.

Blue Moon's picture

OMG, that was a grade-A

OMG, that was a grade-A international jerk right there!

Cover1W's picture

WOW. I am so lucky - I have

WOW.

I am so lucky - I have no "bad date" stories at all. Just a lot of boring ones.

I did meet DH on a dating site. I had good luck on it, but then again I was so, so, so picky and I'd nix someone just because of grammar. You can't spell? Nope, not a chance. I met some really nice guys on it, but DH was the best of the best. We spent I think two weeks just texting/emailing before we actually met.

****Just remember to breathe and have a glass of champagne every so often****

moving_on_again's picture

I'm friends with a girl who

I'm friends with a girl who met her husband on a dating website and they are great together. She says she's embarrassed to tell people, though. I don't think I would be.

I heard POF was basically just for booty calls but I really don't know.

Aniki's picture

Nothing wrong with meeting

Nothing wrong with meeting your SO on a dating site. You're culling the herd!! At least, you hope you are. Lots of those people are big ol' liars looking for...booty calls!

But, IMO, it's a great idea! Everyone doesn't hang out in bars or go to church. Or they're new in town and want to meet someone. Too bad about the liars.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Aniki's picture

There are booty call web

There are booty call web sites. Yep. Sites designed specifically for those looking for a fuddy for the night/day/hour.

When I hacked my ex-bf's email, he had a membership on one and was exchanging emails with future fuddies. Barf!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

And of course, Tinder.

And of course, Tinder.

Aniki's picture

Tinder? Never heard of it.

Tinder? Never heard of it.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Cover1W's picture

LOL. I was on POF! Just

LOL.

I was on POF!
Just before it became full on booty call.

I had bad luck with Match - just awful. I think I went on one date from that site.

One of my friends had bad luck with POF. I pointed out to her that she had zero parameters set and she accepted ANY date. Why? I asked her...

****Just remember to breathe and have a glass of champagne every so often****

Aniki's picture

And she said...

And she said...

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Cover1W's picture

oh, yes. Unfinished

oh, yes. Unfinished thought.

She said, she didn't see the point of limiting herself.
Even though she was complaining about all the duds!

She admitted she was jealous I had a good experience and found DH.
I think she was going back on line again this year (she also moved cities) to try again. I just suggested she make clear limitations on her dating pool and BE PICKY.

****Just remember to breathe and have a glass of champagne every so often****

futurobrillante99's picture

If anyone here ever considers

If anyone here ever considers doing a dating site again, please have a smart male friend, the kind you'd like to date, review your profile and tell you which pictures to use.

The quality of guys messaging me improved exponentially after I had him help me reorganize my pictures and tweak what I had written.

notsobad's picture

“I was on POF! Just before it

“I was on POF!
Just before it became full on booty call.”

Friends of ours own a vacation property and the guy who developed POF is his neighbour! He’s a nice guy who got laid off from his code writing job. He’s a techno nerd and didn’t date much. He wrote and developed POF for himself, what he was looking for in a dating site.
He was the sole owner and sold it for $575 MILLION!

It was after he sold it that it became a trash site. I have a few friends who’ve met their partner on the original POF

futurobrillante99's picture

OMG - yes! A thousand times

OMG - yes! A thousand times yes. Poor grammar and spelling is a deal breaker. I ignored anyone who couldn't write a coherent sentence or used text speak!!

Blue Moon's picture

I'm the one who mostly looks

I'm the one who mostly looks bad in this story:

I had been dating a guy I met on a dating site for about a month and a half. We had interesting conversations and had kissed but I felt no physical attraction towards him. I actually thought he was a horrible kisser, but I had been single for over 2 years and thought maybe I was the problem...

Anyway, I had tried to break up with him the week before but he had convinced me that the connection I was seeking would show up eventually... so I went along a little more.

I had the idea to invite him at my place for a home-cooked dinner, and I told him I would make pot brownies for dessert. Now I'm not a regular drug user, but we had talked about it and I thought stupidly it might create a bond between us (dumb, I know!).

So I asked a friend who was a frequent user to go and get pot for me, and I made this recipe. You need to let the herb seep in hot butter for 30 minutes, then you drain and use the butter in your brownie recipe.

My first mistake : there was way too much pot for the recipe, I probably had enough for 3 recipies but didnt't know it at the time.

2nd mistake I made was scraping and «licking» the bowl after putting the mix in the mold. I took a shower while the brownies were cooking and by the time I was finished, I was already completely stoned.

I still had to make dinner while under the influence. I painstakingly prepared butter chicken. It was one of the hardest things I ever did (!) because I simply couldn't concentrate.

When my date came, I pressed him to have a brownie immediately so he could «join» me in my altered state.

Unfortunately he took 2 big pieces and it turned out to be too much for him.

We had some drug-induced laughter, but still not enough to create a connection, and then he started to feel sick. He laid down on my kitchen floor and couldn't even bring himself to get to my bathroom to throw up. I had to give im a bowl.

So then he threw up the butter chicken I had made, and I'm the one who had to empty and clean the bowl. He spent the rest of the evening sleeping on the kitchen floor.

I knew it wasn't his fault, but seeing him like that was a total turnoff.

I dumped him by email after a couple of days.

mommadukes2015's picture

As someone who attended

As someone who attended college and majored in Philosophy (which requires a little green from time to time), if this ever happens to you or someone you know again, drink milk. It neutralizes the effects of it.

Aniki's picture

Mommadukes! lol

Mommadukes! lol

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Blue Moon's picture

Thanks, LOL!!! I'll maybe

Thanks, LOL!!! I'll maybe mention this to my SD17!

queensway's picture

Holy moly I need milk to just

Holy moly I need milk to just stop laughing about this. LOL

TheBrightSide's picture

You win.

You win.

futurobrillante99's picture

Yes, she does!! That is an

Yes, she does!! That is an amazing first date story!!! LOL

Aniki's picture

Blue Moon.... omg, I'm

Blue Moon.... omg, I'm laughing my arse off at that!! Enough for 3 recipes... ~snorty~

Yeah, puking is a bonding moment!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Salems Lot's picture

OMG yes, My first date after

OMG yes,

My first date after the death of my first husband.

I found out on our first and only date he was married but wasn't being "satisfied" by his wife at home....
Guess he thought that I being a widow, I would be horny.....

I left the date, he followed me a little way in his car. I decided not to go straight home as I didn't want him to know my address. Where he came from, he should have left the coffee shop in the opposite direction than me. Guess he realized I knew he was following me, he turned around and left.

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

Aniki's picture

Salem, after I split with my

Salem, after I split with my exbf, I had SEVERAL male friends (ha!!) try to hook up with me because "you must be horny". Every damn one of them was married and said they weren't satisfied or the marriage was platonic. Mmhmm. Right.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

When I was first 21, I dated

When I was first 21, I dated a married guy who said that. I finally said, "Let me meet your wife, then." They divorced shortly after and I found out I was about one of 3 girls. Also, he boinked my boss at the time. I am glad I am a little wiser now.

I heard that he got herpes from a girl so he married her. They lasted 3 months. He's a true narcissist.

Aniki's picture

He got herpes so he married

He got herpes so he married her??? WTH?! That is definitely a "drop like a hot potato" scenario!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

Supposedly half the sexually

Supposedly half the sexually active people in that town, only population 540, has herpes. It's rampant. I am so glad I managed to get married without ever getting an STD.

Salems Lot's picture

Wow they really get around,

Jawdropping! Wow they really get around, don't they

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

Aniki's picture

OMG!!

OMG!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

moving_on_again's picture

Ya. I mean, it's like a group

Ya. I mean, it's like a group of people that all date each other or just have sex off and on when they are all single and sometimes not single. I wouldn't sleep with anyone from that town now. Not even if I was single.

Aniki's picture

Eeeeeeeeeeeewwww!!!

Eeeeeeeeeeeewwww!!!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Salems Lot's picture

What is it with their

What is it with their mindset? Puzzled Puzzled

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't.

Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil a$$hole with no soul.

Aniki's picture

Bunch of arseholes....

Bunch of arseholes....

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

hereiam's picture

Worst date? Well, right up

Worst date?

Well, right up there would be a guy I dated in college. We were just hanging out at his house one night (his parent's house, actually) and he put in a porn tape. Not just any 'ol regular porn tape but women and animals. I did not consider that foreplay, but did consider us over, at that point.

Is it any wonder that years later, he ended up on the sex offender's registry for sexual abuse? Also weird, I think the tape belonged to his dad.

queensway's picture

Like father like son. Women

Like father like son. Women and animals that is such a turn on. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

moving_on_again's picture

That's against the law in my

That's against the law in my state, thankfully! There is actually a kid that used to go to the school that I was the secretary at that just got prosecuted because him and a horse were "in love." I am not even kidding. This kid needs mental health help but he's in jail now. The funny part is that his sister is a veterinarian.

Aniki's picture

In love with a horse?? Gads!!

In love with a horse?? Gads!! Jawdropping!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Aniki's picture

With ANIMALS...

With ANIMALS... Barf! Barf!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Ladystark's picture

This thread is funny and

This thread is funny and scary!!

Ugh thinking about bad dates, i had a guy talk about his ex, like why do they think we want to hear about that on first date? So weird. Its so hot that your ex crushed your soul.

Mine was actually 2nd date- met guy online, we metup pretty good convo, he was funny, he was ok maybe a 6? Not a ugly, but not real cute either.

We had a nice time, so i agree to a second date, well after we eat we go to his supposed bestfriends house- they were having a small party for their kids.

We get there maybe 930pmish- he intoduces me- the guy practically knocks kids out of the way so he can have his wife meet me- uh ok- well they just keep like starring at me.

So im trying to ignore weirdness- asking them how long they have been friends yada yada.

Its getting late- im alone with his friend - this guy could not wait to tell me about my dates ex - shows me a pic of him with this huge girl- says they are stunned he found a hot girl.

I think he should have waited awhile to bring me to his supposed bestfriends house!!

Like who does that to their boy? Really made me rethink whole thing.

So awkward i dont know this guy and now i have this image of him with this huge girl, and the girl dumped him for another large guy!!

Pretty sad.

theoldredhen's picture

I met a handsome, newly

I met a handsome, newly immigrated Irish doctor at a party given by British friends and was flattered when he asked me out. The man was well travelled and had spent months at a time in various, poverty stricken, indigenous communities around the globe. He had often worked for little pay and impressed me as being a fine and altruistic fellow.

By the time that dinner was over on our first date, I was half in love! At the end of the meal, over coffee and cognac, the doctor described an Eskimo family with whom he had stayed during the mid 1960’s, folks who had embraced him as part of their family. Sighing with sentiment, he described the family’s generosity in having granted him the virginity of their 11-year-old daughter.

Even more shocking than the conduct of the girl’s parents was the realization that the doctor had not only sexually abused a child but seemed to think that he was entitled to do so. I always took my own car on a first date, back in the day, so it was easy for me to slip away and leave a$$hole in a dignified manner as opposed to pouring my drink over his head.

Aniki's picture

Redhen... no words.

Redhen... no words. Barf! Barf! Barf! Barf!

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

StepRightOff's picture

This thread has been so fun

This thread has been so fun reading. If anyone gets the prize, it's theoldredhen. I don't think that was the worst date (so she may be disqualified) but he surely was the worst guy. Congrats to you girl! lol

DPW's picture

I met him on POF. He owned a

I met him on POF. He owned a bike store and asked me to meet him there at closing, then we'd walk over to a local coffee shop and have a date.

Well...

I arrived at the bike shop and to my horror, he was a hoarder of bikes. There were hundreds of bikes piled up all over his shop, on top of each other, from the floor to the ceiling. You could barely walk into the place. I wondered if I was being pranked when I walked in there. I stayed by the door and thought that I might as well continue on with the date, regardless of his hoarding abilities (ahem). He closed the shop and we walked over to the coffee shop and ordered our drinks. As soon as I sat down at the table, he looked at me and said

"You'd look really good in a dog collar."

I was done. He was a creep. Kept staring without saying anything appropriate. Coffee lasted about 10 minutes. When we walked back to his shop and my car, he tried to get me to go into the shop with him, into the basement where he lived, for some hanky panky but I declined and booted it out of there. That was the last date with him even though he was highly offended that I wasn't into him. Whatever dude.