She's living in a group home for teens. They have chores, curfews, have to go to school, etc. SO called the ward to talk to her and that's how he found out she was discharged. BM wouldn't tell him where she went - said since he got joint custody this summer, he can figure it out for himself. And SD18 didn't answer his texts or calls for about a day and a half. She finally answer - they talked, he got misty-eyed. She called him to see if he wanted to meet up with her and get a bite to eat. We were just leaving the grocery store and since it was snowing, he asked if it would be ok for us to pick her up before taking me & groceries home. Sure, ok. I didn't say much to her. Got home - she was there about 20 mins while SO changed his clothes and then showed her xmas gifts he was wrapping for her sister and brother. He asked her what she wanted for xmas and she said money. As she's looking around at the decorations & gifts under the tree, she asks me to let her know what the family (her dad's side) is doing for xmas. They went to dinner - he was happy when he got home; said he had a serious talk with her about the damage she has caused with her behavior. Then a few days ago, he tells me she wants to hang out with us on xmas eve (she'll be with BM on xmas day). Ok - but I want to have my own talk with her before we do anything. What I plan to let her know is this: I don't want her apologies - heard them before. I will judge her by her actions. If she's coming around cause its xmas and wants stuff, she might as well not come around. If she gets angry at him or me again, she needs to talk to us like the adult she claims she is because if she stops speaking to us again, I'm done. If I ever hear her being disrespectful to SO in our home, she'll be told to leave immediately. She will not come between us and will not play us against each other like she does with SO and BM. She either lives with these rules or she can hit the road. I would never come between her relationship with SO but just cause she's his daughter, it doesn't mean she and I have to have a relationship.
I am so glad I found this site - it gives me strength and clarity to deal with this one.