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Bionightmare

gki89's picture

My SD lives with her maternal grandmother, she will be living with her mom soon. Bm has hated me since the moment she laid eyes on me. My SD was 2 when I first met her and we had a pretty good relationship. It started to go down hill everytime we got her from her mom. This summer she was with her mom and we took turns watching her every time she came over she would tell me my mom doesn't like you and if I be mean to you she will reward me. I told my fiancee her dad, he didn't talk to her much about it. He never talks to her mom about anything because he doesn't want to be around her. Last time she was here, I watched her while my fiancee worked, and she was talking disrespectful to me. she wanted me to give her ice cream at 10 in the morning and I told her no its too early she then yelled, give me it now and do as I say. I told her we don't talk like that in this house. Then she wouldn't stop throwing things at me and throwing punches and kicks I was scared she was going to hurt my four year old daughter so I put her in the room to calm down for 7 minutes (she is 7) she didn't like that she told her mom and grandma that I stuck her in the room all day, and that I let her out just before her father came home and that I threatened her that if she told her father he would break up with me, and that she didn't want to come over because of me. Her father almost believed bm and grandma until he spoke with his daughter face to face and she told him the truth. He apologized to me and told me her mom blew it out of proportion. She doesn't want me to watch her by myself. We seen her Thanksgiving and she checked up on her all day and she stayed Friday while he worked. It was an OK day. I almost don't want to watch her since bm doesn't trust me but I feel like I can't do that to her dad. Feel confused.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Why are you watching her? SD is there to see her dad. If he isn't there, SD should not be there.

Java_Junkie's picture

“If he isn't there, SD should not be there.”

If she IS there, he needs to be, as well. If he’s too busy working to make money to support you all, maybe it might help if you take a job that has you working during the times she’s there? Just a thought, not to intrude.

Just J's picture

Oh no way. Do not let him gas light you like that. You tell him of course you can see your daughter, you cannot dump her on me. That's bullsh!t. That's him trying to make you feel guilty for his sh!t parenting. Just NO.

gki89's picture

I agree he doesn't even really spend time with her when he is here he just buys her things.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Confused isn't the word I would use. Why are you watching this kid for your husband, if he isn't there she shouldn't be there.

gki89's picture

I really don't want to watch her anymore and bm says she doesn't want me to watch her bc of that but she begged him to keep her on a day he had to work.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Believe me when I say that BM can and WILL use you when she needs to and YOU allow it.

The child is there to see her father. If he is working, then he can pick her up after work or she can be dropped off when he is home.

What would your husband do if YOU were not there?? SD would certainly not be there alone.

Ninji's picture

That's what BM's do. I'm "not their mother" when she doesn't like something, but I "need to" spend my time and money on them when BM demands it.

gki89's picture

Didn't start having a problem until last year when bm started seeing her more bc of liver transplant.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Don’t watch this kid. Your focus is your child. If your husband’s not home then his child is not in your home.

momjeans's picture

My husband’s ex is like this, has been from the beginning, and I will tell you don’t exoect BM to change.

If she is feeding her child, and instigating her to be vindictive to you, you are in for a wild ride. You need to remove yourself from the equation. You need to step out of the way of being blamed.

She sounds horrible, for only 7 years old. Just imagine how it’s going to be once she becomes a pre teen. And for the love of all that is holy - STOP watching this child.

momjeans's picture

Yeah, why grandmother over bio dad? Things that make you go hmmmmm.

If he’s gaslighting you with comments like “well, I want to see my kid,” or “you do not care,” instead of sticking up for you and acknowledging that you do not need to be caring for this child while he is away, then you seriously need to take a step back and question what brought you to getting involved with someone with low emotional intelligence.

gki89's picture

When sd was 1 he went to jail and mom who has 4 other kids she lost custody to their dad was not capable of taking care of her due to heroin so grandma stepped in and is supposedly giving bm custody bc she is getting married.

Rags's picture

There is nothing to be confused about. BM gets no say in what goes on in your home and neither does grandma. Dad's time is Dad's time.

Time to apply some sanity and hold BM accountable for her crap and don't tolerate any behavioral crap from the kid. The one minute of time out per year of age is such an idiotic waste of time. Put her in an isolated corner with her nose in contact with both walls, swat her on the butt and then tell her she stays there quietly until YOU get tired. Any peep or movement out of her gets another swat on the butt. Inform your SO that if he doesn't like how you parent and discipline then he can step up and get it done before you have too. If SD assaults your daughter, she is out and only returns when daddy is home. Get some web cams and record her behavioral crap so that your SO cannot make the mistake of not believing you ever again.