stepper47's picture

Thanksgiving

This year my husband and I only had one event to go to on Thanksgiving day, and that was to see my grandpa who recently moved into a memory care facility. The facility was kind enough to allow us the use of one of the rooms for a small family gathering with out of town relatives. My husband had told his kids the plan: we were going to visit him and family around 5, then back to our house for appetizers with just me, DH, & kids, starting the food around 7. They were more than welcome to come with us, but no pressure or worries if they did not want to. They had lunch with their mom's family earlier in the day, and arrived at our house around 3:30. My SS18 had plans to go to his girlfriend's family for dinner, and my SD14 said she did not want to go with us, she had got up early so she was going to take a nap on the couch. DH, myself, BS18 and his girlfriend left for my grandpa's gathering around 5:20, with SD14 laying on the couch wrapped in blankets with her headphones on. We got home at 7 to find no SD14. DH called her and she did not answer, so he called her mom. BM had picked her up at 6:50 and no one bothered to let DH know. I did not find out until today that SD14 was extremely upset/angry about being left alone on Thanksgiving, and that she and DH had a huge fight about it last night. I am not sure what to make of it...she was told the plan, invited to go, and made the choice to stay behind. She did not appear to have a problem with us going before we left. But is now not speaking to DH because of it. She apparently told BMs family that her dad left her alone on Thanksgiving and how awful it was. He is very hurt and feeling like he has done something wrong. Should he have not gone with us because SD14 did not want to go?


wineisthecure's picture

She was given the option to

She was given the option to go and chose not to. Now she is playing poor me.

I don't think DH was wrong in letting her stay behind and he shouldn't act guilty about it either. She's trying to make him feel guilty, so that next time he will do what she wants him to. ie refuse to go somewhere with you because she doesn't want to go. Nip this in the bud.

What is so wrong about offering skids shiny red apples?

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

She was given a choice to go

She was given a choice to go with you - she chose not to. Then she lied to her mother about it. DH should set the record straight with BM; and next time SD is around, he should discipline her for lying. This kind of behavior should not be tolerated at all.

hereiam's picture

No, your husband should not

No, your husband should not have stayed behind just because SD did not want to go.

He made the choice to let her stay behind, that is what SHE wanted, so now she's making him out to be the bad guy. Had he made her go, he would still be the bad guy. See how that works? There is no winning with these brats.

He should let BM know the truth (for all the good that will do) but he should never rearrange his plans to suit the child.

My SD is now 26 and is still blaming my husband for choices that SHE made in the past. He should have done this, he should have done that, but had he done this or that, she would still be mad. There is no winning.

Disneyfan's picture

Why did he even give her the

Why did he even give her the option of staying home alone on a holiday?.

The options should have been come with us or stay with your mom for a bit until we return.

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

strugglingSM's picture

Sounds like she is just

Sounds like she is just trying to cause drama. Your DH should remind her that she had the option of joining you and she chose not to, so she cannot blame anyone else for her being alone. I wouldn't even bother trying to change BM's mind or her family's mind. If they believe everything this child says then they are not good at discerning the truth.

Acratopotes's picture

she's a drama queen, she

she's a drama queen, she choose to stay at home and had no problem with every one going, cause she knew she can call BM, play poor me and get her way, Manipulation 101....

BM is doting on her cause poor child her Dad abandoned her.... just give it a week or three then she will come up with something towards you and her Dad about BM leaving her, not buying her something blablablabla and this is when DH needs to say, oh sorry to hear that kiddo - end of discussion not run out and buy it for her cause she's so miserable and abused..

Then for future - if you all have things to do, SD does not get the option of choosing, she will simply go with and not stay at home, why cause you will remind her of this and you do not want a repeat of it, regardless what promises she makes and how much she does not want to go.. she will go in the future over and done with

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Blue Moon's picture

Exactly. Apparently, she is

Exactly. Apparently, she is still too young to be left alone, so from now on, she will follow without discussion.

zerostepdrama's picture

She's being manipulative and

She's being manipulative and dramatic. I'm sure she was fine with staying at home until she got bored, realized she was all alone and no one to cater to her and then she decided to be a PITA and go whine and run to BM.

I can't believe your DH would even entertain the thought that he did something wrong. He offered for her to come along and she said no.

"I don't take stuff personal from a person who doesn't know me personally."

"It so doesn't matter who likes us... WE like Us."
-Pom Pom Squad

stepper47's picture

Thank you all for the

Thank you all for the replies, goes along with how I feel. There has been an ongoing theme of her pointing out everything he does wrong as a father,which started happening when he stopped catering to everything she wanted (but he still caters to a lot). Of course it kills him to think she felt abandoned on Thanksgiving, but that's not the reality of what happened. He also respects his ex inlaws and doesnt want them to think he would do that. These next few years are going to wear me out!

Rags's picture

She is suffering from a case

She is suffering from a case of fabricated VictimItis. The cure is zero tolerance and publically baring her ass to everyone she spewed her bullshit too.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

IMHO of course.

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian, not a buddy.-Rags
If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR
If you want to be a part of my life then use your head or STFU and do what you are told.-Rags