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Financial jealousy

Coco1910's picture

So thinking about my will/retirement/future and some realizations just hit me like a ton of bricks.

When the skids have kids (grandskids?) how much resources will be put there. And not much left for the much younger ours baby. Will have to consider the skids in my will as they are siblings to my son.

I think I am just realizing what a long term mess I got myself into and how our finances will have to be put towards the skids and grandskids. I feel like I am cheating my son out of a normal inheritance and normal parental support.

Thoughts? Advice, emotional or practical?

Amcc13's picture

You don't have to leave anything to the skids they are not your kids. If you choose to leave them a small token that is your choice
You and partner should have separate wills - if you die first all his stuff goes to you minus anything he wants to make available for the atepkids and same on your side.
You should make provision in your will for your son and your partner
Speak with estate planning attorney and get the will drawn up

Imaginarystepmother's picture

A piece of advice, never let them get to you. It took me three years to learn that I can't make all kids happy and in order for me to make others happy I have to focus on making me happy first. Refer to my blog and you will see what all i have dealt with while feeling as I had no ones support or help with stepchildren that I allowed to run over me stupidly for years.

Imaginarystepmother's picture

A piece of advice, never let them get to you. It took me three years to learn that I can't make all kids happy and in order for me to make others happy I have to focus on making me happy first. Refer to my blog and you will see what all i have dealt with while feeling as I had no ones support or help with stepchildren that I allowed to run over me stupidly for years.

Acratopotes's picture

Why would you want to name skids in your will, they are not yours and have 2 parents who can do that...

You only provide for your bio children and bio grand children one day, not even for skids children. They are not your responsibility.

fairyo's picture

Leaving a will means you have financial control over what happens to your money when you've gone, although they can always be contested. Leaving a will means you leve that money to anyone you like, even the cat's home so why don't you just leave everything to your son? He could always treat hos half-siblings to a meal out or something. What he then does with the money is up to him.

mro's picture

My skids are not in my will. My DH is not even in my will. We both brought significant assets to the marriage and agreed it would be this way. (I am not named in his either.)

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Your husband may want to consider his other children when he drafts his will. If you have joint assets you can expect that his other children or grandchildren are part taken care of from his share of those joint assets: they are all HIS children, though not all yours. It is fair in a sense that he looks to provide for ALL his kids if that is what he wants. Your child or children with him is not more important (to him) than children with a different woman - even if you feel differently which is pretty normal.

Your assets or property or money is yours. You can leave all your assets to your child and not a penny to his children or grandchildren.

I dont see why you need to leave anything to people or children who are not yours if you feel that way. I have one child and he gets it all, minus a share to an animal welfare charity. My skids? LOLOLOL! No!!

notarelative's picture

I'm with Myss.Tique D'Off. It's up to DH to provide for skids not you.

We have a prenup so whatever we had going into the marriage goes to our respective children. Only things we title together go to all (his and mine) children. As to grandkids and grand skids the only thing they would inherit is their parent's share if their parent predeceases us.

BethAnne's picture

Your child will benifit from having you as a parent. That is worth 10x the money that goes to your steps. As said above, write your will to favor your child. The bio parents will write theirs to favor the steps, so things will work out. Perhaps not an even split monetarily, but your kid will do ok and will have been raised by you to be self sufficient and happy. The best inheritance you give your child is their upbringing and education. That is the basis of their adult life. After that inheritance when you die is a tiny amount that does not compensate for the loss of you.

skatermom's picture

My two daughters are my only beneficiaries. I don't even have my husband named and I sure as hell don't have the Skidmarks. If I die, they get everything.

Coco1910's picture

Thank you thank you thank you everyone. I guess I expect to be the last parent alive for various reasons, and in that scenario the house is mine. If I leave nothing to my skids they get no part of the house they grow up in and as much as I am indifferent to them, my son may not be. I don't want to cause family splits later because skids are jealous of son.

But as a pp said, they will inherit their moms home and DH will leave them something for sure.

I'll talk it out with my lawyer too.

BethAnne's picture

Talk openly with your husband. I would tell him that you do not want to be put in the position of having to decide how much his children get after his death. Tell him that if when he dies he wants his children to inherit anything not to expect you to ‘do the right thing’ by them but to write his will such that he has already worked out the ‘right thing’. This way you cannot be accused of being the greedy step mother keeping all their dad’s money as dad has already divided it up, and you are free to leave your money as you wish.

MoominMama's picture

Here there's no choice. It is set by the government. Your spouse gets half of your half of joint assests and any kids get to share out the other half between them. As my money was from before I met DH then that is outside of the marriage and goes to my two sons. If I inherit from my own parents then that is mine too as it's outside the marriage. Same for DH's inheritance. He is looking into finding a way to disinherit SD though, there are ways around this system but it's tricky. Doesn't want her to have anything after the way she has behaved.

TwoOfUs's picture

Your skids have a mom, and you are not it. Is the BM planning to leave anything to YOUR son? Not likely. So, what you're saying is that skids will inherit from THREE people while your son only inherits from two. That's not correct or fair.

From what I hear from most blended families, inheritance works like this: Let's say you have two stepkids and one kid. Property is 50/50. Your kid will inherit 100% of your half, and a third of your spouse's half. It may seem strange on paper...but remember, your skids are also inheriting 100% of their mom's estate, so it should even out somewhat. IN this scenario, your husband has 3 kids to leave an inheritance to, and you have 1.

callmedone's picture

Actually Coco unless your own bio children are minors you don't "have" to provide for anyone in your will. An inheritance is a GIFT from you to the recipient.. whoever that may be. No one is entitled to an inheritance imo. I know I never felt I was entitled to anything anyone as left me. Maybe that's the reason a couple of people in my husband's family remembered me in their wills. I certainly wasn't expecting it.. turned out to be a major surprise for me (and a few others as well lol). Anyway, I refuse to leave anything included in my will to anyone who has not treated me with kindness and respect so that pretty much excluded SKs. My children are included because they've always been very good to me and sincerely care about me and my well-being. I've also included several animal welfare groups because animals have brought so much joy into my life over the years. I view my will as my final say and plan on making it reflect my true wishes rather than out of a sense of obligation to anyone. As an aside, I read today that David Cassidy's last words were "so much wasted time". Geezz, if that doesn't make me stop and think nothing will.

SugarSpice's picture

i would never leave anything to my skids. they dont include me on anything and are thankless and spoiled.

they have their own parents.