Remember....you teach her how to treat you. So don’t teach her that she can treat you this way.

And phone calls....FaceTime.....is there somewhere out side she can talk? This is what we had to do with SD as we did not want that negativity in our home. Talk outside.

You do not have to drive her to school. Not your child, not your responsibility.

Your husband needs to step up. He needs to make sure she cleans her room, set healthy boundaries and keep as much negativity out of your home as possible.

No more hiding for you in your home.

Are you married to the Dad? If not consider evicting the whole lot. Get them out of your house and out of your life asap. Life isnt worth living with a father who wont parent their child/ren, where you are trapped in your own house, where you clean up after someone else's slob kid. Where you work full time and are unhappy in your own home. Feel overwhelmed and like you made a mistake? You did. Listen to your inner voice before you start bullshitting your self and start justifying and rationalising the dysfunction. If you are married, see a divorce lawyer.

How do I know? You described my life and what brought me here. I am in process of getting divorced, my husband has been served although we still live in MY house with his filthy useless going no where in life son. The pathetic mother doesnt want her own kids back... No I have had enough.

Get out - it doesnt get better. Love and respect yourself more than putting up with whatever crap these miscreants bring your way. Do not excuse it because you are married and your marriage vows are "serious" so you need to be a martyr to stupidity.... Like the haunted house stories: GET OUT!!

It does not get any better after marriage, it gets worse in fact, with this sort of man; they are worthless protectors of their wives with respect to their horribly behaved and raised kids/adults. If you are single, no children, own you on place....ALL these people including dadddeeee certainly needs to launch. You can have more peace in your life without a man with all these kids. Think about it, you are supporting everybody, who is supporting you?

Facetime can stay in her room or not happen in your home at all. Change the wifi password if she does not obey. My skids have never ever ever had my wifi pw.

Please don't allow them to treat you like this. You sound a lot like me when I first got together with my SO. I wanted everyone to get along and be drama free. His daughter was 10 when we met and just turned 14. We are not married and he still has his house, but they would both stay at my house all the time. After continually picking up after her, walking on eggshells and finding food in "her" room, that was it. Everyone out! It was tough in the beginning, but it has all worked out for the best, and my relationship with SO is so much stronger and better.

You might want to check out the posts on disengaging and the "disengaging essay" - this really empowered me a lot and I have stuck to it. We're now to the point where he doesn't expect me to join in any activities that involve his daughter. I might be able to handle her, but I can't handle bio mom. She's a head case and I have no desire to interact with her - I tried and she blew it. I think the change in attitude when bio mom is around is that the daughter doesn't want it to seem like she likes you and is being disloyal to her mom. I know that's part of the problem here - mom can't handle another woman in her daughter's life. So I've made it easy on everyone and stepped out of the way.

I the meantime, consider talking with your SO and ask him to set some ground rules around picking up and Facetime. If he won't, then set your own and tell her once. Facetime other than in her room, WiFi turned off/password changed. Doesn't pick up her stuff? Get a plastic storage container and put it outside - anything left hanging around goes in there, no question. It is not your responsibility to teach her to drive.

I have done a lot of things you are doing (let his son drive my car under permit, gave rides to daughter, did laundry, etc, etc). Believe me when I say it is not appreciated. The more I did, the more everyone resented me and I resented them. Stop the insanity.

Not sure if you're married nor for how long this instant family has been going on. My impression is that father is your boyfriend (maybe fiancé) and this is all fairly new?

Lady, reclaim your home. Stop being so d*mn about it all. Start with sitting Dad down and tell him this isn't working. You're being used and disrespected and it isn't what you signed up for. None of this is bothering him because he's use to it. It's normal life for him. For him the 'dating' period is over, now it's settle in for regular daily life with his kids and their teenage ways. Silly man is happy as a lark.

Set him straight. If he and his children are staying lay out the house rules and expectations. If he squeals and acts all butt offended, you tell him you are very serious, either he and his kids retrain their ill behavior or hit the road (them and him, not you).

The facetime is ridiculous. Hello!?!?! You are not going to live in some teenagers reality tv show. Nope. I'm thinking hammer to that electronic , but eh, you're nicer than me. So I guess it's down to facetime in teen's bedroom in privacy only, no high volume nor speaker phone and no exceptions.

The mess? Maids are paid servants. He can either pay your submitted weekly billing statement ( I hear the going weekly rate is $1,000) or he assures Miss Teen she's her own new unpaid maid. His other choice is he, himself, run around behind her and clean up.

Stop being so nice about doing for, loaning things to (cars!) and buying/treating Miss Teen to anything. You owe this teen nothing. Anything you do for her is an unnecessary act of kindness because you want to do it... NOT because he have to do it. If she's not doing her chores, not following the phone rule, not being politely civil and showing some appreciation towards your efforts, then you cease doing acts of kindness for her. She doesn't need your car for her permit. She has two parents. They can figure out her driving needs. If she's behaving, being respect and civil and you WANT to do her a favor? Fine, she can use your vehicle. See how that works?

You've started out your first rodeo with what is known as one of the most obnoxious creatures on earth. A teenage female. LOL. Most bio-moms will not admit to it, but even bio-kid teenage girls are very trying little beast. It's Dad's job to keep her in line and teach her the rules and expectations. If he chooses to remain in your house and with his little darlings than he needs to discipline and hand out consequences. If he doesn't , feel free to do it yourself. Don't lock yourself up in the laundry room. Walk right out there and shut off the teen's facetime with her mother. If Mom doesn't like it, Mom is quite free to take her brat back.

Too many Sms start off letting these things slide and being too nice about it. Don't be one of those SMs. Nip this crap in the bud. Sure, you may lose your guy over it , but better to lose him now than dragging it out. If he isn't Mr Right, he isn't Mr Right. His kids aren't going to poof.

Set the rules for Facetime. You shouldn't have to hideout in your home.

This will not change, unless you make it change! Seriously, you have a lot to offer and this man is lucky as heck having you, this teen doesnt know how lucky she is (would have stopped her cold with the facetime in my home....) and they will not appreciate you unless you stand up for yourself.

The ball is in your court. Im sorry your weekend was ruined, but you definitely should follow the instructions given here. REad some more - the stories are distressingly familiar and similar.

I was in a bad situation a few years ago, this site really and truly helped me. AS things have unfolded, they have improved. I have a strange mix going on in my situation - the SD18 launched a few months ago, after graduating and getting a job. She was the bane of my life, and made my life miserable. The BM is abusive and violent, and the youngest SD11 is the people please who thinks her mommy is the best ever, while still knowing her flaws.

I am not looking forward to the teenage years, with protective Disney Dad and Bipolar Bm...who knows who the munchkin will grow up to resemble, but I certainly hope that your SD15 is smart, and please set some ground rules!

Ask SD15 if you can give your friends a tour of her bedroom, complete with examination of the contents of all her dresser drawers, then maybe the tour can move to her bathroom, and go through all the cabinets in there. She wouldn't mind having her privacy invaded by strangers, right?

Facetime with BM belongs in her room, no where else.

Your set up is how mine was, SO & SD in my house, I felt totally invaded, after hearing BMs childish comments on facetime I put this rule in place. Take some control back.

If it feels like you want to bolt and get out - listen to the inner you.... do not waste 20 years before you do this..

And this bunch moved into YOUR house because....?

I'll guess:

1. BF pleaded poverty, or he sold his own place and is freeloading. This would be a red flag.
2. BF plans to buy half your house. Tomorrow. No plans to do so? Another red flag.
3. BF and you never discussed his kids' living arrangements prior to the invasion. When challenged, you failed to set boundaries.
4. You gave up any bargaining power when: a. You let him move in with no prior ground rules. B. You never discussed how SD15 would navigate to age 18 if she lived in a different city from BM. C. You didn't speak up for yourself prior to the Big Change.

The whole thing about the FaceTime calls illustrates your lack of boundaries. If it were me, I would have been right up in her face first time, during the call, gently ushering her and her IPad back into her bedroom and shutting the door. During the call. If she balked, I'd have forcefully terminated the call and told her the rules. Cowering in the laundry room? Gimme a break. Why are you so,afraid of this girl and her mother?

The thing is, to be a manager of any kind, you have to stop wanting everyone to like you. You own the house. Take charge or throw them out.

And be prepared to lose the relationship if BF wimps out and backs SD's behaviour. Better to admit it's not fulfilling your expectations now than let yourself be used in the future. He's a package with baggage. You can't have him without it.

I would find it hard to respect, let alone be in love with, any man who tried to pull this gig on me.

I did something similar, my now-husband and his two teenage sons moved into my house about three years ago. The main things that people are saying here is true. It is the father's responsibility to care for the children he made. That means driving them places, cleaning up after them (if he refuses to make them clean up after themselves), and if something is bothering you (like the noisy facetimes) it is his job to find a solution, I would suggest he tell her to FaceTime in her room only, and if the noise level becomes excessive, the call is over. If he is a good, strong parent, he will do this and be greatful and gracious to you for opening your home to them. It takes years before it starts to feel like your home as a couple, it does not happen overnight, nor should it.

That said, moving that many people into your home is stressful, even with a strong parent managing the kids. Prior to their moving in I had been single over a decade,and childfree. I had a friend in a blended family whom I had some talks with prior to them moving in. One of her best pieces of advice was that I needed a space in the house that was absolutely mine to be alone and get away from everyone. I chose that space as my bedroom, and I still go there to get away. All of my beautiful things are there, my little water fountain bubbler, aromatherapy, my headphones to block out the world for a while. I go there most every afternoon and have a respite. My husband manages the kids, but their very presence is stressful for me, and he gets that. He gives me the room to breathe and continue to be myself. Any interaction between me and the kids is mostly pleasant and on a friendship type level, if they are irritating me, I tell my husband and he deals with it. I did not make them, and they are far too old for me to raise them. It has been stressful but it can work. We have one out of the house now and the youngest one has good plans to go away to college next year. I am proud of all of us, especially my husband for being a great dad.

Any man that moves in with you with his children and then joins his children in treating you like a crappy servant is the biggest USER/LOSER ever.

Maybe give him one chance to straighten up. Which probably won't happen. And then kick all their asses out. You can stop loving anyone. You are not the first person to fall in love with a horrible person.

:jawdrop: He should move out.