DaniAM73's picture

Absolutely no home training!!!!

I went into the kitchen to start prepping for dinner. DH and I have tray tables in the living room. SS15 is sitting in a chair with his legs on the tray table. We EAT ON THOSE.

I know some of you probably think I should have let DH say something, but I took the bull by the horns on this one.

I told him very firmly, "get your legs off the tray table, we eat on those." This explains why the table kept falling over.

Absolutely no home training. Yes I did sterilize and wipe the table down.

Ugh!!!!!!

twoviewpoints's picture

"Absolutely no home training.

"Absolutely no home training. Yes I did sterilize and wipe the table down."

This part should have been performed by the kid.

DaniAM73's picture

Oh shoot! I didn't even think

Oh shoot! I didn't even think of that.

strugglingSM's picture

One of my SSs always puts his

One of my SSs always puts his shoes on the counter or on the table. I've asked him several times to remove them and not do it again. The last time I said to him, "we don't put our shoes on the same places where we put food!"

DaniAM73's picture

Exactly. I mean it's common

Exactly. I mean it's common sense right? I just don't understand where they would think shoes and legs on a surface where food is eaten is okay.

strugglingSM's picture

Because this SS thinks BM

Because this SS thinks BM walks on water, I'm so tempted to say to him, "if your mother lets you put your shoes on her counter at home, she is a disgusting pig!", but I restrain myself!

DaniAM73's picture

I was tempted to tell him,

I was tempted to tell him, not sure what goes on at your house, but we don't do that here.

Oldmom's picture

those shoes would have ended

those shoes would have ended up with something wet spilled on/in them.

opps didn't see them there.

KARMA.....is a Wonderful Thing!

Cooooookies's picture

Skids, for one, have no

Skids, for one, have no common sense. Two, they are usually allowed to run around like feral animals because they are precious little snowflakes of divorce. Therefore, they do nothing, held accountable for nothing and are taught next to nothing.

The other day, SS15 cooked a pizza in the oven. It wasn't hot enough so he put it back in. I went in the kitchen and smelled something funny. Took the pizza out....and it was still on the PLASTIC plate he'd been using. Sure it was on an oven tray but he didn't know that plastic couldn't go in the oven.

Little snowflakes accountable for nothing...

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

lintini's picture

your SS takes the cake! My

your SS takes the cake!

My SS16 has noooooooo common sense. It's so scary.

Parrots vs Stepson
Messy, loud, and they repeat what you say (and they pick up the bad stuff first)

theoldredhen's picture

Cooooookies, you nailed it!

Cooooookies, you nailed it! These COD ARE different. When I moved in with my DH, I was shocked at how he babied his teenaged daughter. Although she was 13 years of age, he was still cutting the meat on her plate! The girl was as incapable as a toddler. My own daughters, at the same age, had been preparing dinner, doing laundry, ironing, washing dishes and much more.

My DH accepted the blame for his child's laziness and incompetence and was grateful to me for teaching her the basics of home economics.

Cooooookies's picture

When SS first came to us (the

When SS first came to us (the summer visit that turned permanent), he was 10 years old. He still didn't know how to bathe himself. DH was doing it at first and I was just flabbergasted. One night, I went in there, showed SS how to wash his hair, rinse it and wash his body. Then said TADA you're doing it on your own from now on.

It's been an uphill battle ever since. Absolutely ridiculous. I still say to DH if it weren't for me here, he'd probably still be bathing him and cutting his dang meat. He just laughs but I'm not so sure that I'm entirely wrong...

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

DaniAM73's picture

SS15 would probably do the

SS15 would probably do the same thing. DH talks about how intelligent he is. He may get good grades, but when it comes to common sense he has none.

Cooooookies's picture

SS doesn't have any common

SS doesn't have any common sense either. I do understand that he's autistic but somehow, to DH, that translates into 'completely helpless'. SS definitely IS smart enough to be taught. It just frustrates me to no end.

"I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama." ~strugglingSM

SugarSpice's picture

good for you and enforcing

good for you and enforcing your rules.

i ran my house as i did when the skids were not visiting. this meant our ground rules and eating the food we prepared.

one skids had the nerve to suggest eating like they dis at bms house. um not happening.

DaniAM73's picture

I did tell DH after the fact,

I did tell DH after the fact, and he was mortified. He said he will address it.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your post made me think of

Your post made me think of the "house manners" I have been trying to teach two semi-wild kittens that I recently took in. It has been a long time since I have had kittens, and I have forgotten just how much trouble they can get into. Since I don't want to scare them by yelling when they do something wrong, I have been using a squirt bottle. It works wonders because they are never quite sure where the water is coming from - but are beginning to understand that if they start climbing the drapes they are going to get wet.

Maybe a version of this would work on skids - only fill the water with straight vinegar.

DaniAM73's picture

Great idea. I definitely need

Great idea. I definitely need that for SS15, not so much SS12.

Powerfamily's picture

The shoes would have been

The shoes would have been launch either across the room at the owner or out of the back door.

Superstepper's picture

I opened the fridge needing

I opened the fridge needing ketchup..couldn't find it. Looked all over and found it in SS room (basement). WTH! It had been in there for days. The space is littered with open food and drink everywhere. I told DH it is a wonder we do not have bugs and rodents. He has to be told repeatedly to bring food and dishes back up to the kitchen. If it were me there would be a no food or drink outside of the kitchen policy although that would punish me and DH but we aren't disgusting.

DaniAM73's picture

Oh SS15 will pour a glass of

Oh SS15 will pour a glass of juice and if he is sitting at the table he will put it on the floor. That kid is disgusting. I would never eat any food he prepares.

missjoyfulme's picture

We have boys, SS. They are

We have boys, SS. They are good kids but well boys.(and a girl, who is mine who is just messy too cause she is a teenager and that is their nature) In addition, their BM never taught them very good manners and DH (God love him) treated raised his kids with guilt (BM is a ragefilled personality disordered alcoholic) as fragile little snowflakes with poor self esteems (no really they were just spoiled brats). WHen I moved into DH home (we have since sold his and mine and bought ours), the SAHM ExW I swear never cleaned that place. I get it they were divorced for 4 years but some dirt was OLD dirt. Plus i heard from friends that she was a lazy slob. The kids were never taught to be responsible for themselves. Their clothes are everywhere, pile, food spilled, etc, They are not allowed in MY Home to take food out of dining room or kitchen. We as the adults are... because we are responsible. When they EARN the right by showing responsible behavior, I will think about it.

MurphysLaw's picture

As my Mother would say “Kind

As my Mother would say “Kind cat, kind kitten”
I’m sure their BM is a pig.

"...you know what? Now I have my boundaries drawn, and tbh if anything better came up, he's lost the absolute loyalty I would have felt."~SMForever

"I own a potted plant with more purpose and follow through then step sloth."~Lilywen

Goodluck's picture

Oyyyy vayyyy

Oyyyy vayyyy

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

Acratopotes's picture

fine how does this sound -

fine how does this sound - instead of wiping the plates clean of old food and chicken bones or something before putting it in the scullery to be washed... you simply stag it in the fridge, with old food and all.....

yeah that fridge smelled like a trash can and SO could not figure it out, I'm not there to take it out anymore, I'm not there to trash the dirty panties and bra's in the living room, or take the shoes off the coffee table anymore.... and MIL visited SO quickly one day, she really climbed into them for the state of the house and told Aergia you area young lady this is a disgrace... that did not go down well lol

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

sapphire68's picture

My SD10 has no home training

My SD10 has no home training either. I swear no one ever taught her. Her mom died four years ago and she wasn't teaching her anything but how to dress like a hoe (another story for another time). But you would think in 10 years someone else in the family would have realized SD needs to be taught life skills. She dropped crumbs and food all around her when eating and I have a younger child that doesn't make a mess at all. She sits on our couch with black feet in the summer after being outside and puts them up on the head part of the couch laying backwards and puts our couch pillows between her legs at her crotch and sits on them and cradles them. She's beyond disgusting. I've pointed these things out to DH and he gets on to her usually but it's getting to where I say stuff to her now. She sure as heck isn't going to learn by watching other children and no one else in the family will teach her basic skills.