Totally lost on what to do
So I’ve been in this child’s lif since he was two. He is now three, the real father is bad off and has only made the first birthday. She had a temp court order on the child’s custody where the father gets him sat 10-4 and some other rules he has broken in that order etc. Its now been called back to court to have a final decision on the fathers custody but i’ told her to do a hair follicle drug screening both parties before we advance. Which was put in order today but the court also said that she has to let the visitation happen which she does when the grandparents ask for him. The father doesn’t even contact the child nor exercise the right to visit. I’told her if they wanna go by court rules all of a sudden so will we. So only send him to them say 10 to 4 but she sends him a day early and tells me it’s not my decision it’s her child. I’m also funding this whole process. I’ have no clue what to do or say at this point. I’need help.
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She's right. It's not your
She's right. It's not your child and you have absolutely no say in what she does. Unfortunately, that's the way is it.
You DO have the option to stop paying.
Why are you funding this
Why are you funding this whole process? Did she ask you or did you offer to pay? Seems like you feel because you are paying you should have a say about the child. It is her child.
Her family wouldn’t pay for
Her family wouldn’t pay for it. We’ve been together for a while she’s a wonderful woman and her son sees me as his own father I️ told him I’m not his real dad but he’s still too young to take it in. I’ just want the best for that boys life.
I’ offered because she
I’ offered because she couldn’t do it on her own and her and the child are both gonna be in my future.
That is a stand up thing to
That is a stand up thing to do. Helping her out. If both of them are going to be part of your future you are going to let her parent the child. Not saying you can not have a part in rules in the home and so on. But the big issues are going to be handled by the childs mother. It will make your relationship stronger in the long run. Be a good and loving husband to her and the child can learn by example. It is so nice you care for the little one.
You are being fed stories by
You are being fed stories by this women. Why did you ask the court for drugs testing on bio dad, she told you he was an abuser, is that when she was with him, says a lot about her. Bio gran and grandad are allowed to see their grandchild, so they could be normal loving people to this child. Leave them to it and go shelter in safe harbor this drama is not yours.
Na he is, when ever he gets
Na he is, when ever he gets methed out he use to call and threaten everyone. His dad pays his child support n let’s him do whatever. They just care about the boy.
Bio dad is not going to
Bio dad is not going to disappear out of your life, doesn’t matter how deep your pockets are. The grandparents will use all their resources to fight you.
^^^^ I totally agree with
^^^^ I totally agree with this! The Grandparents are in the child's life and it would be cruel for her to deny them, especially after the child has developed a bond with them. They care enough to pay the bio dad's child support. I would imagine that they do so as a sort-of thank you to his Mom for allowing them to still see him. I'm sure you've heard stories of parents who withhold the child from extended family because things went south with their other half. So incredibly cruel.
One other point to make and then I'll step off my soapbox. Your SO has been through one bad relationship that didn't last (and it sounds like that was a GREAT decision on her part) but have you ever wondered about what a lonely, scary life it is for Mom's who leave their husbands? She maybe thankful for their support and welcome them in her life and her son's life. What if, by some tragedy or other means, you are only in her life for a short while? Tomorrow is never guaranteed and it never hurts to have friends and family who truly care about you in your corner.
Again, just my $0.02. Best of luck to you and your family.
Time to give her clarity and
Time to give her clarity and pull your financial support. That should be a learning moment for her.
No, you don't have any official rights as a SParent. But... you have every right you choose to take including advising and when necessary stipulating what happens and how it happens. Particularly if you are the one funding the effort.
Equity life partners are equity partners in all things including being equity parents to any children in their home regardless of kid biology. If your SO doesn't recognize that then using other leverage including financial is in order.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.